Community› The Bump Month Clubs› March 2014 Moms
March 2014 Moms
New Discussion

Husband porn on phone

Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
in March 2014 Moms
I'm truly disgusted and hurt right now. I just found free teen porn on my husbands phone. This isn't the first time and now that I'm pregnant with our 4th child this just burns me to the core! I don't want anything to do with him. He has never done anything to make me feel good about myself and I'm just feeling really lonely right about now. Has anyone ever gone through this or is it just me? Last pregnancy I found little sexting messages on FB to some whore at the mall he worked with. I just don't know what to do!!
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Husband porn on phone

  • mevensenmevensen member
    Oh no.  I don't have have any advice, but I am so sorry you have to go through this right now. 

                          

    imageimageimage

     

    image

    Report Reply
  • liamandlettieliamandlettie member
    I don't think you are the only one. I don't have much advice. I could only assume what I would do. I think you need to talk to him maybe with a counselor or third party. There seems to be a lot going on there that needs to be addressed. I'm so sorry!
                                           Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • SamJusticeSamJustice member
    I'm so sorry dear. :( Have you tried talking to him?  If that doesn't work, go to a marriage counselor. Personally, I'm fine with FI watching porn, BUT he wouldn't if he knew it bothered me. Your husband has to know how you feel, even if you've told him before men need reminding. You have to tell him what your needs are, what makes you uncomfortable. And sexting other girls? That shit would not fly in my house. He would be out the door so damn fast his head would spin. That's not cool.   
    February 19, 2010- BFP! March 14, 2010- M/C January 17, 2011- BFP! April 26th, 2011- It's a boy! Due September 20, 2011 May 2, 2011- Confirmed Gastroschisis August 7, 2011- Labor begins August 12, 2011- Max is born October 4, 2011- Max comes home!

    image image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • LiFeIsAmIrAcLeLiFeIsAmIrAcLe member
    I don't even know what to tell you :/  I'm soooo sorry you're having to go through this.  That's awful to face while pregnant with his baby.
             image
    imageimage
                                     

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Report Reply
  • Emzy82Emzy82 member
    I would change the locks if I found my partner was messaging other girls, what's a relationship with out trust
    Report Reply
  • SamJusticeSamJustice member
    VineyardMel said:
    Is teen porn even legal??
    18 yo and 19 yo porn is often labeled as teen. Gateway to child porn as I see it, though.
    February 19, 2010- BFP! March 14, 2010- M/C January 17, 2011- BFP! April 26th, 2011- It's a boy! Due September 20, 2011 May 2, 2011- Confirmed Gastroschisis August 7, 2011- Labor begins August 12, 2011- Max is born October 4, 2011- Max comes home!

    image image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • liamandlettieliamandlettie member
    VineyardMel said:

    Is teen porn even legal??

    I just thought "I hope its 18 yo teen and not 13 yo teen.

                                           Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Wriggley1123Wriggley1123 member
    So sorry that you have to deal with this while preg., no one should have to. Just remember you are worth the world and more!!
    Report Reply
  • Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
    Thank you all so much! I really don't know why I'm with him. I think I mostly feel sorry for him. I have talked to him about the porn. It was 18+ i made him show it to me then i smashed his phone against the wall :) I'm definitely no shy violet. I have no problem speaking my mind to him. I've known him since I was 17. I'm 36 now. He was always in love with me.We finally got together a few years ago after my divorce. So the 4 children are one mine one his and soon to been 2 together. I'm just so emotionally drained. He actually admitted to watching the porn this time. All the other times he has lied.
    Report Reply
  • klp830klp830 member
    SamJustice said:

    I'm so sorry dear. :( Have you tried talking to him?  If that doesn't work, go to a marriage counselor. Personally, I'm fine with FI watching porn, BUT he wouldn't if he knew it bothered me. Your husband has to know how you feel, even if you've told him before men need reminding. You have to tell him what your needs are, what makes you uncomfortable. And sexting other girls? That shit would not fly in my house. He would be out the door so damn fast his head would spin. That's not cool.   

    But would you be fine with your FI watching teen porn?!? I think that's a whole new level of issue...
    Report Reply
  • codeccodec member
    I think the grossest part is the "Teen" label. SO uh, you like little girls, not women??

    That would be my biggest concern.
      
    image
    Report Reply
  • Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
    And believe me I'm no prude. But he has made me that way! TMI alert: I love sex and he has had pics/vids of me on his phone and he still looked at that porn. He knows I hate it because, I feel he should worship ME a little rather than these little whores. But all he has done was destroy this marriage from lack of trust.
    Report Reply
  • Emzy82Emzy82 member
    I totally agree
    Report Reply
  • SamJusticeSamJustice member
    klp830 said:
    I'm so sorry dear. :( Have you tried talking to him?  If that doesn't work, go to a marriage counselor. Personally, I'm fine with FI watching porn, BUT he wouldn't if he knew it bothered me. Your husband has to know how you feel, even if you've told him before men need reminding. You have to tell him what your needs are, what makes you uncomfortable. And sexting other girls? That shit would not fly in my house. He would be out the door so damn fast his head would spin. That's not cool.   
    But would you be fine with your FI watching teen porn?!? I think that's a whole new level of issue...
    Considering I'm barely out of my teens myself, I can't say that I care as long as they're legal. But he likes other stuff. We've been over what he looks at and I'm fine with it as long as he is still showing interest in me and treating me right. I understand that I'm the minority here, and if you are uncomfortable with your husband doing it, he should respect. I'm not saying she shouldn't be upset. 

    OP, staying with some one because you feel sorry for them is not healthy for a relationship. If you're upset about him watching porn, then you're obviously with him for more than just pity. Which is okay. Might I suggest a break? Sometimes a week or even a month apart is healthy. Still see each other during the day, such as to pick up/drop off the kids so you can both see them. And definitely get into counseling. That's my advice.
    February 19, 2010- BFP! March 14, 2010- M/C January 17, 2011- BFP! April 26th, 2011- It's a boy! Due September 20, 2011 May 2, 2011- Confirmed Gastroschisis August 7, 2011- Labor begins August 12, 2011- Max is born October 4, 2011- Max comes home!

    image image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • ceh789ceh789 member
    Is the concern that it's "teen" porn or that he looks at porn at all?  The vast majority of what is labeled as "teen" is perfectly legal young-looking actors.  If he is looking at actors who are clearly children you absolutely need to be concerned and should consider reporting it to the police, imo.

    If he is looking at adult performers, this is a communication issue.  You guys need to talk about what is acceptable entertainment for him to use and come to an agreement on it.  I would caution you though - going into that conversation with the attitude that no porn is ok is not likely to be productive.  There was a study recently ( https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2261377/Porn-study-scrapped-researchers-failed-ANY-20-males-hadn-t-watched-it.html ) that found literally no adult men hadn't/didn't look at porn.  You should think about why this bothers you.  Maybe you two could look at it together?
    Report Reply
  • ceh789ceh789 member
    Laura8388 said:
    I'm sure no woman is really ok with it, but I also think the majority of guys enjoy watching porn of younger (youngER, not young) girls...
    I am really, truly ok with it.
    Report Reply
  • lazyreaderlazyreader member
    Laura8388 said:

    I'm sure no woman is really ok with it, but I also think the majority of guys enjoy watching porn of younger (youngER, not young) girls...

    Put my hubs in this boat. I don't restrict or monitor my husbands porn habits. I agree with what Laura said.
    Including the point that if you have discussed it calmly with your SO and are not ok with porn, then some type of limit or boundaries should be respected.
    Report Reply
  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Ummmm...wow.  I don't know what to say right now.  I've found porn on my husband's computer in the past (I don't think since we've been married) but still, not TEEN porn.  That's friggin disturbing.
    I mean I have freaked out finding the porn on his computer before, but lets face it.  Guys watch porn, they have visual minds when it comes to sex. It's a fact. I think the bigger issue here is that it's teens.  Plus it seems like there are other issues with your marriage if you think he's never done anything to make you feel good.  The only way to get any resolution is to talk to him about it.  Maybe you need some couple's counseling! Sorry, you are going through this.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • kali55kali55 member
    I'm okay with DH looking at porn as well.  If it became a unhealthy fixation, that's where I would have a problem.  Have you checked out "The Porn Trap"?  


    BabyFruit Ticker
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
  • MrsS81112MrsS81112 member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I'm not a fan of porn either.  I have had an ex in the past that was addicted to porn and it completely ruined our relationship.  He too would lie about it when confronted.

    The sexting the employee in the past is even worse.  I really don't think I would have been able to stay in the relationship at that point.  How could you even trust him going to work? All of that stress is not good for anyone, especially someone pregnant. 
    You are worth way more than that! 

        image   
    Wife & Full Time Step Mama to an incredible boy! =)
    First Date.. March 11, 2010  Engaged...August 09, 2011   Married...August 11, 2012    BFP...July 21, 2013
    E.D.D... March 31, 2014

    BabyFetus Ticker BabyFruit Ticker

    Report Reply
  • totalbabydoll4evertotalbabydoll4ever member
    This happened to me in November and I had a huge meltdown about it and got really really mad and upset. To the point I questioned him about cheating on me and wouldn't talk to him. Eventually we talked and from my reaction he saw how badly he hurt me. My issue wasn't the porn, but the hiding it. We talked it out and it's improved our marriage a lot. SOmetimes it takes a blow out to figure it out and lead to talking things out. I am sorry you are going through this, its not fun and stressful and definetly affects your trust. 

    the sexting is a totally different issue, does he know you know about it? 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Hrose7091Hrose7091 member
    I'm not really that bothered by it... The teen part, yes, kinda creepy. It's all about fantasy... The sexting though with a woman he works with on fb would bother me.. To the core. That to me would be cheating.. And are you sure he hasn't cheated if he worked with her?? I don't think I'd be able to trust after that.
    Report Reply
  • ellajune2012ellajune2012 member
    While the porn wouldn't bother me so much IF he wasn't hiding it - the sexting is a huge red flag and like someone else said, would NOT fly. It also seems like this is an ongoing problem, not something that just came up now.

    It sounds like there's more going on than just the porn though, if you're saying "He has never done anything to make me feel good about myself" that is another huge red flag. 

    If both of you are serious about having this relationship work out, then I think the best course of action at this point is couples counseling to work out your underlying issues and get back to a place of trust. In my opinion... there is no relationship without trust.
    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

    Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
    Report Reply
  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    I think a lot of husbands who do things like that while knowing their wives are not okay with it are being passive aggressive. I would tell him he needs to take your feelings seriously or you need to reconsider the relationship. That may sound harsh but he should not be taking you for granted.
    Report Reply
  • legallygingerlegallyginger member
    ellajune2012 said:

    While the porn wouldn't bother me so much IF he wasn't hiding it - the sexting is a huge red flag and like someone else said, would NOT fly. It also seems like this is an ongoing problem, not something that just came up now.

    It sounds like there's more going on than just the porn though, if you're saying "He has never done anything to make me feel good about myself" that is another huge red flag. 

    If both of you are serious about having this relationship work out, then I think the best course of action at this point is couples counseling to work out your underlying issues and get back to a place of trust. In my opinion... there is no relationship without trust.


    This. Porn doesn't bother me at all, and I don't care if/what my husband watches. Although I'm pretty sure I would want him to "hide" it- I mean, if its not something you're into, what is he supposed to do? Tell you each time he watches so that he isn't hiding it from you? As long as it doesn't start affecting his ability to function as a normal human being, no harm done. Just my two cents.

    I agree the other stuff is a big red flag. Not making you feel good about yourself and sexting with other people are huge issues that need to be addressed.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • ellajune2012ellajune2012 member
    legallyginger said:
    This. Porn doesn't bother me at all, and I don't care if/what my husband watches. Although I'm pretty sure I would want him to "hide" it- I mean, if its not something you're into, what is he supposed to do? Tell you each time he watches so that he isn't hiding it from you? As long as it doesn't start affecting his ability to function as a normal human being, no harm done. Just my two cents. I agree the other stuff is a big red flag. Not making you feel good about yourself and sexting with other people are huge issues that need to be addressed.
    Oh, I'm with you, I don't want to know every single time, lol. I just meant that in general, I know he's doing it - it's not something he pretends isn't happening so if I were to stumble onto 'something,' it wouldn't be a big shock.
    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

    Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
    Report Reply
  • kare_bear_12kare_bear_12 member
    I kind of had a disussion with my husband to check in. We haven't had sex since we conceived and I just have not been feeling well or dealing with family. I flat out asked if he had been pleasing himself and I know he does use porn on occasion so I didn't bother asking him about that. He said he has helped himself a few times. I said OK just checking and making sure you are ok since we haven't. It's all about knowing your comfort levels and making sure that you two are on the same page.

     

    Report Reply
  • ceh789ceh789 member
    @Laura8388 Take my word for it.  You don't want to see it.  A lot of hair is the understatement of the century.  I'm pretty sure by today's standards it wouldn't be considered actual porn since they're mostly clothed... in hair.
    Report Reply
  • jwls84jwls84 member
    I am sorry you are going through a tough time! I personally don't care about porn, but sexting! Ya I would lose my shit! Since this seems to be a common type of issue with you and your husband I would look into counseling or something to help you resolve the problem. Tell him how much it hurts you and you can't let him bring stuff like that into your relationship anymore.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
    But atleast he's honest with you. My husband has made up so many lies about it. Believe me I'm so exhausted everyday especially being on progesterone treatments it's killing me. I've asked him if he's been working it out since we really haven't been having sex 4 times a week since we've been trying since January to have a baby (2 m/c along the way). Hes says no ofcourse! When I find out he then he turns around and blames me for the reason he watches it!!
    Report Reply
  • ellajune2012ellajune2012 member
    Mamaof3girlies said:
    But atleast he's honest with you. My husband has made up so many lies about it. Believe me I'm so exhausted everyday especially being on progesterone treatments it's killing me. I've asked him if he's been working it out since we really haven't been having sex 4 times a week since we've been trying since January to have a baby (2 m/c along the way). Hes says no ofcourse! When I find out he then he turns around and blames me for the reason he watches it!!
    The lies and the blaming of HIS actions on YOU are the big red flags for me (and his previous sexting). Like I said before, without trust there really is no relationship, in my opinion. How can there be?  I do think you can work it out if you both want to, but I don't think it's going to happen without a counselor.
    imageimage
    BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
    BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014

    Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
    Report Reply
  • rachbaby1rachbaby1 member

    I think the previous sexting thing is likely what causes the current deception and porn thing to be so difficult to deal with. When the trust is already broken, lying about other women (even porn stars he has no real access to) is still upsetting. Especially when you are dealing with the hormonal and body changes of pregnancy. 

    Who is your cell phone provider? If you have a family plan, treat him like a little kid and have him blocked from viewing that kind of content.  Depending on what kind of phone he has, you can also check his web browsing history even if he has deleted it, and the carrier should be able to tell you how. These are policies in place to punish children, but he is acting like a child, so it works!

    I don't mind porn personally, but if it was happening very often or if there was any dishonesty about it, I would be concerned.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you right now.  I think counseling would be beneficial to you both, and may allow him to understand how his behavior is really making you feel.

    Pregnancy Tickerimage
    Report Reply
  • amandoza23amandoza23 member
    I don't think I would be comfortable with the situation but I don't judge anyone for feeling differently. Everyone has different backgrounds, relationships, morals, etc. Now with that being said I think anything that needs to be "hidden" is wrong. Hiding something is a form of dishonesty. If it was just a porn issue then that'd be one thing but on top of the sexting that is kind of concerning. I wouldn't say walk away just because of his actions but definitely reevaluate the relationship and try counseling. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I wish that things get better for you!
    Anniversary Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
    rachbaby1 said:

    I think the previous sexting thing is likely what causes the current deception and porn thing to be so difficult to deal with. When the trust is already broken, lying about other women (even porn stars he has no real access to) is still upsetting. Especially when you are dealing with the hormonal and body changes of pregnancy. 

    Who is your cell phone provider? If you have a family plan, treat him like a little kid and have him blocked from viewing that kind of content.  Depending on what kind of phone he has, you can also check his web browsing history even if he has deleted it, and the carrier should be able to tell you how. These are policies in place to punish children, but he is acting like a child, so it works!

    I don't mind porn personally, but if it was happening very often or if there was any dishonesty about it, I would be concerned.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you right now.  I think counseling would be beneficial to you both, and may allow him to understand how his behavior is really making you feel.

    Thank you for your reply!! I smashed his phone to pieces so he can't get a new phone until next May.
    Report Reply
  • Mamaof3girliesMamaof3girlies member
    Thank you everybody for your replys! i will be ok! He approached me about counseling and I will do it when I'm ready. I just can't talk to him right now unless it has to do with the kids or the puppy. I'm just not willing to compromise or want any part of my body near him.
    Report Reply
  • rachbaby1rachbaby1 member

    Never underestimate the therapeutic value of smashing things!

    Please remember that you bringing a life into this world is absolutely beautiful and sexy, and being a mother to his children makes you hotter than any porn star.  Don't let your self value get caught up in this, because I am sure that is not what it is about.  Good luck hon.

    Pregnancy Tickerimage
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"