Feel guilty that I can't breastfeed

carriec1111 · August 2013

Hi. I am a ftm. I really wanted to BF my baby. She was 6.6 pounds when born. She lost weight and got down to 5.13..at 2 week check up she only weighed 5.14! I was told to supplement with formula...So I went home BF and gave her formula. At her next appt. 3 days later she was gaining. I simply did not make enough milk for her. I pumped and the most I ever got was 1 1/2 oz! from both breasts combined! I felt horrible-like I was starving her for the 1st 2 weeks. So I did both(breast and formula) for a month and 1/2. But it got to the point that when she bf she got irritated after a few minutes-like not much was coming out. So now I am just formula feeding. I feel horrible-I hate giving her formula and wish I could just BF her. Anyone else have this happen? I feel guilty...but she did get some breastmilk in the beginning so I guess that's better than nothing at all..

amie444 · August 2013

Don't feel guilty. You are taking care of your child. She is healthy and happy and that is what matters right?

turbs22 · August 2013

The same thing happened with me and my daughter. She was a "lazy feeder." She was impossible to wake up for feedings and would eventually fall asleep every time I did feed her. I definitely wasn't producing enough milk either. At her two week check-up, she was below her birth weight. We switched to just formula, and she is doing so much better! I tried pumping and freezing, but my milk supply was so low that I eventually stopped.

I also felt guilty, but seeing her enjoy her bottles and grow is the best feeling ever.

JCWhitey · August 2013

Are you still trying to pump/produce? You could always try to build you supply, and maybe someday get her off of formula if that's what you want to do. Babies actually start eating a little less when they get older. There's no reason to feel guilty about formula AT ALL, but if BFing is something you had wanted to do there is still a chance. You could try oatmeal, fenegreek, malt, etc. It may not work but it's worth a shot if it's really going to bother you that you haven't been able to BF.

I had a super supply in the beginning but DS was also a lazy eater and my supply started tanking. Now he'll feed and still be hungry so I'll pump to supplement and get only 2-2.5 oz total, but it's enough! He's gaining (a lot slower than formula fed babies and even most BF babies) but he is gaining and slowly my supply is returning to what it was when my milk first came in. I am happy we didn't have to switch to formula, but honestly if I didn't have all of the help I have right now (my mom has been with me for two weeks straight) I never would have been able to do this and switching would have been the healthiest thing. If constantly having a baby at your boob and the pump when you're not feeding isn't going to work for you there really is nothing wrong with formula!

LJUTCMommy · August 2013

From what I've read, if you're full time nursing, you should only be able to pump 1-2 oz. I don't have any supply issues, but I EBF and when I pump after nursing I get 2 oz max.

Also, there is nothing wrong with formula or combo feeding if you go that route.

Don't feel guilty. The important thing is your baby is fed. Good luck!

mejane123 · August 2013

Don't feel guilty, you tried your best!

What kind of pump are you using? Do you have a good-quality one? If not, check with your health insurance, they may cover most of the cost. Also, when are you pumping? Maybe try pumping one side and feeding her on the other? If you ever get engorged, try pumping the engorged side, feeding on the other side, then offering the side you just pumped, as well, so she can get what's left in that one.

This young, babies are still eating so much that you probably won't get much out if you're nursing every twoish hours. DD was still eating every hour and a half at 3 months. I didn't start getting a significant amount until I went back to work and was away from her for 8 hours.

Also, don't let this discourage you if you have more children. I've heard of plenty of women who would have differing supplies for different babies.

blush64 · August 2013

There is no reason to feel guilty for not breastfeeding whether you could or couldn't. As long as you take care of your baby and feed your baby you have nothing to feel guilty about.

PP have good advice should you decide to breastfeed a baby in the future.

Edit

trudibell · August 2013

I share your guilt. My LO lost almost two pounds his first week of life! I had a breast reduction when I was a teenager and even though I had colostrum in the hospital I just don't supply that much for him.

I am at 8 weeks and going through a BF/pumped milk/formula ritual that takes over an hour to feed my son, and I know when I return to work in a couple weeks it will have to end. He eats about 32 ounces from bottles a day - 6-8 of those ounces are breast milk. I do try to nurse him to start but I have no idea how much he gets from that. Doctor said his weight is healthy, but he's only in the 25th percentile for weight.

My husband and family want me to quit, but his poops look like breast milk poops and he hasn't been sick. I feel selfish thinking about quitting what I am doing because all of the reasons for stopping nursing/pumping are for me, I'll have more time for myself etc. and that makes me feel really guilty. At 4 weeks I tried to stop nursing but he got so upset and nursing was the only thing that could calm him down. My pediatrician says "do what feels right" but I don't know what feels right - on the one hand feedings are very frustrating and the whole process takes over an hour, on the other hand he's so healthy and I think he genuinely likes nursing and my breast milk better than the formula I don't know what to do. I wish I could EBF him too.

Sorry no real advice here, just someone else in a similar situation.

billiburrows · August 2013

i'm in the same boat. i couldn't BF my first child too. many people believe it you 'keep it up' you will eventually have enough milk and your body will respond to the needs of the child. there are some medical reasons that can impact your body producing milk and no amount of pumping or nursing is going to change that. for example- hypothyroidism or PCOS. everyone's body is different and there may be reasons this is happening to you. i am sad i cannot EBF but for my sanity and my child's health i'm doing both: breastfeeding as much as i can and supplementing with formula. its a win-win. baby gets protective antibodies from me and calories from formula. some people act like formula is the devil. i'm trying to retrain my thinking to thank God for formula! if it wasn't for formula i don't know what would happen to the EBF babies whose moms really truly cannot produce enough milk. that being said i'm eating lactation cookies and ordering motherslove pills to see if it helps. its hard letting go of what you planned or hoped for but really doing both sounds like a great compromise for a person who really wanted to breastfeed.

Nora1985 · August 2013

Don't feel bad at all! You tried your best and your child is getting the nutrition now and that's what is most important. I was BF until my supply ran out and now I FF. I was sad too, but i would rather have her eat than starve. No matter how you feed your child you're still feeding them with love and that what counts.

SusanTeach · August 2013

Almost the same thing happened to us! Do not feel guilty. I have cried and cried about it for weeks, and now my boy is thriving at almost 6 weeks old. I also never produced more than 1-2 ounces combined when pumping, and for two weeks was spending hours and hours trying to keep up a routine of Fenugreek (straight), Mother's Milk teas, breastfeeding at both breasts for as long as baby boy wanted, pumping with my hospital grade pump, AND supplementing with formula. The lactation consultant could not explain it. He latched on perfectly, and was fine to breastfeed for 10-30 minutes, each breast. He was sleepy, but if I tickled his feet or belly, would wake up and continue to suckle. The problem was that I could not produce enough. I am not overweight, had no gestational diabetes or NICU issues--just never got engorged.

I still tell people when they ask that I am supplementing with formula, but the truth is that I only pump 1-2 times a day, for 20 minutes, put the 1 oz. (if I'm lucky) in a bottle, and feed him. The good news is that "every drop counts," and that I KNOW he got days of good colostrum after he was born. One can only ask, "Why me?" so many times. There's nothing else I can do except accept that this is the reason there are wet nurses, breastmilk banks, and formula.

singlemomma627 · August 2013

My son was tongue-tied at birth, so he had trouble latching. I've been exclusively pumping since he was born six weeks ago, and believe me it's difficult. I want my son to have what's best for him so I continue to pump, even though I at most ever get 3 oz, which is no where near enough for him so I too have to supplement formula, and I absolutely feel horrible about it. I know something is better than nothing, and the longer I do it the better, but I still can't help but feel bad giving him formula.

Everyusernameistaken · August 2013

Don't feel bad for feeding your baby!! You gave bfing a great shot and any little bit of bm has huge benefits for your baby (especially that great colostrum you gave him at the start)
You have passed immunities and antibodies onto him through even a small amount of bm that will stay with him his whole life!! Keep your chin up mama, you're doing great

I also want to echo pp who say that the bf board is a great resource if you are interested in pursuing bf and/or combo feeding.

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