Carseat question - possibly flameworthy

CFjo2010 · August 2013

Flame if you want, I'm totally prepared.

Car seat law in my State says that all children under the age of 8 (unless they are over 4'9") must be in a carseat in the rear passenger seat at all times. K is 7, and will be 8 in December. A couple months ago BM asked why we still have K in a carseat and we reminded her of the law. She shrugged her shoulders and went on her way.

FF to this morning: As I'm leaving school BM pulls up with K (late as usual) and K jumps out of the front seat. Without a carseat. What course of action do you ladies recommend? Letter from an attorney? DH talk to BM again? Let it go?

Ginlyn0 · August 2013

I am a big freak when it comes to car safety. I had my best friend die my senior year in high school and since then, I don't play around with car safety. I don't allow any kids in the front. If I so much as see a seatbelt out of place, it's on. Last weekend SD had her shoulder strap behind her back and I saw her. I made her fix it and promptly reminded her that the lap belt does nothing to hold her in without the shoulder strap should we get into a serious wreck, not only will she possibly be thrown from the car, she could die and she puts everyone else in the car at risk when her body projectiles out of the seat. DH is the same way. I watched my little niece and nephew last weekend and he carried my niece out the car and my brother's FI had my nieces shoulder straps (forward facing) on the first notch (well below her shoulders). DH promptly fixed it for her. I know for fact BM lets the kids move their seatbelts behind their backs all the time. I just remind them EVERY single time I see them doing it how unsafe it is and make them fix it. Unfortunately in BF situations, I think car safety is pretty much out of your control because even if she is riding in a car seat, in the back there is still potential for the belt not to be positioned right and you aren't there to monitor it 24/7.

My sister used to wedge my niece's car seat between the passenger seat and the backseat so she wouldn't have to belt it (before there were car seat bases). I also hate car seat pics on FB where the kid is clearly buckled wrong, ect..

fellesferie · August 2013

Letter from attorney that implies that you have proof and threatens her if she does it again. Let her think you took pictures. & let her be afraid that you might do it again.

Like gin I knew too many people in HS who died in car accidents. I don't mess around with car safety. My kids think I'm a huge jerk about it, but too bad.

ambrvan · August 2013

I was in a rollover car accident the year before DS was born. I had not been wearing my seatbelt and then suddenly remembered to put it about 10 minutes before I started to doze off. Yes, I feel asleep at the wheel. I rolled three times and landed upside down, spun to face the direction from which I had come. Had I not had my seatbelt in, I would have been thrown from the vehicle and probably killed. So now I am a huge car safety person, as well, though I wasn't always.

I caught BM driving a few years ago with SD standing in the backseat. I took a picture of the scene and the license plate. I also called the cops.BM terrified SD and told her to hide in the floor board because the police would come arrest her (SD). But to this day, I call the police anytime I see a kid not in a carseat our incorrectly buckled.

WARNING GRAPHIC FOLLOWING:
One of DH's first scene he ever worked as a volunteer in the county rescue squad was one in which a four year old boy was standing in the front seat of the car when his drunk mother plowed into the side of a brick house. The child was thrown through the windshield against the brick wall. My husband was on clean up duty. You guess what he was cleaning up. Mother walked away without a scratch and told police he son was at the baby sitter's.

Car safety is nothing to play about or overlook.

Sigir · August 2013

Just one question... Is it a law or a recommendation? In my state, it's a AAP recommendation that kids are in boosters up to a certain height, but it's not the law. The actual law is less conservative. Just make sure it's an actual law you are citing before you make it into a big deal. If it is really the law, I would have no problem confronting bm about it.

This is probly more flame worthy: when dc was able to be out of the booster per the law, I stopped using it, even though the recommendation stated I still should. Exh did give me a hard time about it but I just ignored him bc I was following the law. That is why I just wanted to make sure you've differentiated btwn the law and a recommendation.

Either way, Ita kids in the front is a no no for me.

Littlejen22 · August 2013

Yeah I don't care what people think of me but I will not let anyone under 12 in my front seat and my 4.5yo is in a 5pt harnass even though she begs to be in a booster. Driving in taxis in Hong Kong with the kids scared the crap out of me because no car seats.

CFjo2010 · August 2013

Ok good, I'm glad I'm not the only neurotic one about this. It infuriates me when I see ANY kid in the front seat or not in a carseat. I did take a pic today just in case.

Amanda88 · August 2013

Letter from an attorney, and call the police next time. I am way into car safety.

I was in a major car accident (I was a passenger) where my car was flipped multiple times, crashed into a tree, and finally stopped upside down. I spent a week in the hospital with a broken back, broken neck, multiple lacerations, and burns. I was in a back brace from March till August. I was wearing a seatbelt, and it is one of the only reasons I survived.

SS is still in a 5 point harness, and he is five. He is pretty light, and I don't trust him to be in a booster. I read somewhere that your child may be responsible enough to ride in a booster with a lap belt when you trust them to cross the street alone.

CFjo2010 · August 2013

Sigir said:
Just one question... Is it a law or a recommendation? In my state, it's a AAP recommendation that kids are in boosters up to a certain height, but it's not the law. The actual law is less conservative. Just make sure it's an actual law you are citing before you make it into a big deal. If it is really the law, I would have no problem confronting bm about it.

This is probly more flame worthy: when dc was able to be out of the booster per the law, I stopped using it, even though the recommendation stated I still should. Exh did give me a hard time about it but I just ignored him bc I was following the law. That is why I just wanted to make sure you've differentiated btwn the law and a recommendation.

Either way, Ita kids in the front is a no no for me.

It's the actual law. I printed out the handout for DH. He immediately wanted to call the attorney but I wasn't sure if that was too harsh or not.

Littlejen22 · August 2013

In NJ I know it is 8yo or 80lbs. And under 1y and I think 30lbs it is rear facing. After 1yo it does not state car seat or booster just that they have to be in something until 8 or 80. I really wish all the state laws were more specific.

Wahoo · August 2013

Just FYi, the backseat rule is because if a child sits in the front seat and the air bag deploys, the force can cause head and neck injuries. Also, the child is more likely to be thrown against the windshield or dadhboard, or to be injured by an object that crashes / intrudes into the car. I don't allow DD or DS to sit in the front seat. However, when both children reached age 8 they stopped using booster seats. My kids (ages 9 and 11) are still not 80 lbs! DD will probably be a teenager before she weighs that much. I waited until they were 8 and the shoulder strap was correctly positioned across their chests without the booster.

Ilumine · August 2013

Get a video of it. Then contact the lawyer.

twister22 · August 2013

Breaking a law that is designed to protect children is unacceptable. I absolutely do not care what my kids think, they will be in their 5 point harness car seats until they have reached the max weight/height.

HChad · August 2013

Children belong in the back seat for their own safety.

The statistics prove this. I am concerned about my SD. We have a pic of her in a car seat, she's 8, that she is clearly too big for. She cannot be properly harnessed in.

We don;t know what to do, as our current situation is zero contact. We have this pic because ExW sent it to DH on SD's last day of school last year, randomly. While I was really, really excited to see a pic of SD (it had been over 6 months), I was terrified of something happening. As far as we know, she is not in a booster, this is the same car seat she was in when she was 6. And she is tall, over 4 ft. I'm 5'4" and she was almost to my shoulder at 6. Her mom is 6'

karatechrissy · August 2013

We just dealt with this issue a few months back. SS is 7 as well. He has passed the weight limits for our state so he isn't in a booster anymore. He ALWAYS sits in back though. BM let's him sit in front. DH and her had a back and forth thing. Our lawyer said that not much can be done and that this isn't what we want to go back to court for. She posted on fb 'haha I win!'. All we can do is enforce that he sits in the back and keep telling him how dangerous it is for him to be in the front seat.

Nineoceans · August 2013

Dh called the cops on Xmas bc Bm dropped SS off who was 40 pounds at the time sitting in her front seat no booster.

This was brought up in court and the magistrate didn't care.

Our social worker just said "some parents have different rules than others" ok lady.

Any time you see it though give the cops a call with the license plate and they will give her a ticket. Worth it maybe to discourage her a different way

Pamelacake · August 2013

This drives me nuts. 6yo SD is right at the weight and pretty close to the height to not be in a booster, She is past the recommendation for not being in a booster but She will remain in one. 5yo SD is really tiny and is in a booster and that kind of worries me with her bc she is so small and any chance she gets, she will put the strap behind her back b/c both SD's were allowed to do this before. I put a stop to that the first time I saw it but she still tries to sneak and do it. She isn't used to someone redirecting and sticking to it.

10yo DS was in a booster until after his 8th birthday bc he was a little on the small side, he didn't have to be but I am a freak when it comes to my kids.

I really don't have any advice.. I think the other ladies have some good ideas. I would definitely document and I think calling the police and letting her get a ticket is a good idea, if she isn't open to talking about it and acting on it.

CFjo2010 · August 2013

Nineoceans said:

Dh called the cops on Xmas bc Bm dropped SS off who was 40 pounds at the time sitting in her front seat no booster. This was brought up in court and the magistrate didn't care. Our social worker just said "some parents have different rules than others" ok lady. Any time you see it though give the cops a call with the license plate and they will give her a ticket. Worth it maybe to discourage her a different way

Sheesh, I could have them just park outside Gma's then.... I didn't know you could do an anonymous tip on this. Good to know!!

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