WWYD Nanny share with best friend

lebennett · August 2013

I have a 2 1/2 yo dd who goes to an in home sitter 5 days a week. I pay $125/week and I'm overall very satisfied with the level of care provided. All food provided and she is out of diapers so I basically provide nothing at this point. There are a few minor things I would change but no deal breakers.

My best friend has a 1 1/2 yo with a nanny who comes to her house 5 days a week. She pays $300/week. She has been trying to convince me of a nanny share. I pay $150/week and bring my dd to her house (or nanny could pick dd up since she lives down the street from me). I have turned her down up until last week when my sitter announced she needs to have surgery. The surgery normally requires a 6 week recovery but she will be out for 2 weeks and plans to have kids return to the house and have husband there to do manual work for kids as she tells him what to do. I'm thinking this will be chaotic and am wondering if it is a sign to go ahead and transition to nanny share situation.

I'm making my pros/cons list right now. At the top of cons is that friends has 2 dogs. I'm animal friendly but something is rubbing me wrong about this. Also at the top of my list is that there won't be any older influences on dd, which could be a good or bad thing. She will get additional one on one time though. Also I'm increasing my weekly cost (not by much and I don't pay much anyway) but on top of that providing all food again, the plus side to this is that I can control dd's diet a little better. We've already talked about if either child is sick, if friend is off for the day, etc. Just lots of things running through my head but need your help on any and all questions/topics you would address before attempting this situation.

Let me know if I left out any important information that would help you make this decision. My other option is to go ahead and proceed with an actual daycare which dh and I address every birthday and decided we aren't quite ready yet. Thanks for the help!

jf198400 · August 2013

Personally I would consider doing the nanny share for a few weeks while your DCP is out for surgery/recovery, use that as a trial period and decide whether you like it. You obviously will need someone to watch your DD for at least 2 weeks, might as well try it out.

lebennett · August 2013

Thanks, that's what I am thinking. I just don't want to tease the poor nanny with additional income and then rip it out from under her. I need to do what is right for my family though and I think everyone understands that. I guess just going into to it open and honest that it is a trial period would be the best option.

jennyelf · August 2013

But you wouldn't be teasing the nanny with extra income would you? She'd still be getting $300/week. Though she should probably get more since she's taking care of 2 kids rather than just one.

Karla CS · August 2013

I think the fact that there's items on your list that you can't quite nail down but that are rubbing you the wrong way could be a bigger indicator. I would look into these things a little more closely before making a decision.

You'll definitely need back up care while your current DCP is out of commission, and using the nanny share as a trial run could be a good option, but if you decide that it's not the route you'd like to take, how would turning her down at that point effect the relationship with your friend?

sadie+w · August 2013

If I was the nanny, I would expect a pay increase for going from one to two kids.

To me, a huge benefit in the additional cost of having a nanny is that I do not have to pack LO up and get him out the door. So if I was in your situation, I would expect to pay a bit less than the friend.

If I were you, I would set this up as a trial period while your DCP is out recovering. That way, if you're unhappy with how it goes, you can return to your original DCP and be sure your friend won't have hard feelings.

RondackHiker · August 2013

What about those dogs bothers you?

preggersin2011 · August 2013

How many children does your LO interact with now? I know that when LO is home with me, or only has one friend to play with on the weekend she goes insane because she is used to having 7 others. She does fine short term with children older/younger than her. Personally I've seen many friendships end over differences in parenting styles and disagreements.

If it was me i would do a nanny share while the primary care giver is out and that is it. Since there is a year difference between the children, I know my LO would be very upset and frustrated that she doesn't have someone on her own level to interact with anymore.

cecilyandgautam · August 2013

At 2.5 I'd want to have a somewhat structured environment. Does the in-home provider keep a schedule of sorts with stimulating activities for the older kids? Would the nanny be able to stimulate both the kids, apart from the fun outdoor play? My coworkers with nannies say that a nanny is more expensive than you initially expect because of all the extra activities you have to pay for. Sure, you could skip them but then I'd worry about DD getting bored and not learning as much as she could.

I'd lean towards staying in the in-home unless the nanny is really able to provide some educational content that the daycare doesn't.

SparkySharky · August 2013

The bottom line in my mind is that you would be paying more and getting less. I would decline the BF's nanny, but see if I could take her up on her offer for the *6* weeks your nanny needs to recover well enough for you to feel comfortable with her taking on the care for your DD. The benefit to your BF is that she gets a break on the cost for 6 weeks and the benefit to your regular nanny is that you're not leaving permanently.

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WWYD Nanny share with best friend

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