WWYD? Work Question/over dramatic vent

Holljade · August 2013

Ok, I was hesitant to post this because it may warrant flames but I have been freaking out about this all day. Like legit anxiety panic almost brought to tears thinking about next week (I did mention over dramatic right? )

I am traveling for work training next week.

Training lasts from 8-6. I need to be up and ready to go at 7:30 for a ride to the office from the hotel. Training is from 8-6 (did I mention that yet). Then we do dinner (they are providing all meals so if I want to eat and not pay out of my own pocket I need to attend) so I am guessing the night ends aroun8/9pm. Colleagues that are local to the office are driving us, in groups from the hotel, to the office to dinner back to hotel. This means I do not get to leave at my own leisure and I have to be around a large group of people at all times. 7:30-8/9pm is a loooong day for me being pregnant.

I'm worried about feeling like crap if I can't/drink when I need too, if I can't give myself mental breaks (I have add and being on no meds I have to eat some sort of fruit/veggie and protein every few hours to be a productive employee and need to take mental breaks to refocus or I completely zone out)

I wanted to tell work I was pregnant at 13 weeks, but am wondering if I should spill the beans to my boss earlier so that they could be more flexible (maybe instead of going to dinner the whole time I could order and take the food back to the hotel). I know ultimately this is my decision, but would love to hear your opinions as well.

If you were in my shoes would you put on you big girl panties and try to suck it up, or would to let you boss know early so you can (hopefully) have some flexibility

Holljade · August 2013

For one day I would suck it up.

Having to do it for multiple days is what is getting me.

I thought about snacks, I just need enough to pack for the week.

springbaby03 · August 2013

Yea id grab a cab and head back early. You may need to spill the beans so you dont come across as distant. This is just me if I were in your shoes... depending on someone to chauffeur you around town isnt the most relaxing. If they end up staying out and having drinks, you could be stuck sipping your lemon water and trying to avoid funky food odors all evening. Dont stress it will work out!

Pp are right...pack snacks that could help your issue a lot!

theluckiest9 · August 2013

I agree with FBW. I'd suck it up, pack snacks and not tell work I'm pregnant. Good luck!

Holljade · August 2013

I pray we do not go to a Mexican restaurant. I can't stand the aroma.

Holljade · August 2013

FarmBoysWife said:

Holljade said:

I pray we do not go to a Mexican restaurant. I can't stand the aroma.

I dont like the smell of some of the stuff I have to deal with at work. You're pregnant.. not disabled. you cant expect all of your co-workers to bend to your whim because your pregnant. If you don't want Mexican say you're not feeling well and would like to go back to your room or take a nap in your car or do something else.

I don't expect any one else to bend for me I'm not exactly sure where you got that from in my post.

Also, since all meals are provided for us I have to eat where everyone else eats or pay out of pocket. So, yes, I am going to hope we don't go to a mexican restaurant- I didn't say I'd throw a tantrum if we did.

Also? I don't have a car. As I mentioned I'm traveling and colleagues local to the office we are traveling to will be driving us.

KariB509 · August 2013

I told my boss I was pregnant at 5 weeks. I'm not messing around with feeling sick at work and trying to hide it. I wanted her to know early so I wouldn't have to be miserable trying to hide it.

codec · August 2013

Holljade said:

For one day I would suck it up.

Having to do it for multiple days is what is getting me.

I thought about snacks, I just need enough to pack for the week.

I am going to say, you know a lot of pregnant women work in unsavory positions for pregnancy but they still do it. I would just take snacks and eat them, I would just say blood sugar or something if you don't want to announce. What would they say if you told them you have dietary restrictions and if you can order food elsewhere?

But I don't think food aroma is that bad compared to working in a hospital with piss, vomit , death and shit smells. I would take your place

Holljade · August 2013

codec said:

Holljade said:

For one day I would suck it up.

Having to do it for multiple days is what is getting me.

I thought about snacks, I just need enough to pack for the week.

I am going to say, you know a lot of pregnant women work in unsavory positions for pregnancy but they still do it. I would just take snacks and eat them, I would just say blood sugar or something if you don't want to announce. What would they say if you told them you have dietary restrictions and if you can order food elsewhere?

But I don't think food aroma is that bad compared to working in a hospital with piss, vomit , death and shit smells. I would take your place

Touche Codec.

But still hoping for no Mexican

katykatykaty · August 2013

Unless you just want to tell them you're pregnant, I would take food with me and suck it up. If it gets really bad, just tell them you're not feeling well and head home early one night to give yourself a break.

Holljade · August 2013

I think I'm going to suck it up for day one, see how I feel and then decide. That way I'll have a chance to see if it's unbearable or not lol.

huskymomma94 · August 2013

Honestly, I would suck it up and not tell them. I would plan ahead and bring a bag with plenty of snacks, waters, etc.

Its really nice if, when you eventually tell your job you are pregnant, they can say "Wow, she's been pregnant for 3 months and she has been working just as hard as ever." It makes you look good, and shows them that you won't act like you should receive special treatment for the rest of your pregnancy.

codec · August 2013

Holljade said:

I think I'm going to suck it up for day one, see how I feel and then decide. That way I'll have a chance to see if it's unbearable or not lol.

LOL. Ask your coworkers who have been to the training before if you can get other food. That will give you an idea if you can just something else and be reimbursed or ask someone what they are serving.

I am a big baby about italian food and forced menus, lol. Pregnant or not, cant force me to eat it, gimme something else.

Holljade · August 2013

Also, thanks for all your input

Holljade · August 2013

Honestly, I would suck it up and not tell them. I would plan ahead and bring a bag with plenty of snacks, waters, etc.

Its really nice if, when you eventually tell your job you are pregnant, they can say "Wow, she's been pregnant for 3 months and she has been working just as hard as ever." It makes you look good, and shows them that you won't act like you should receive special treatment for the rest of your pregnancy.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I like all of this.

lindsey1031 · August 2013

A little complaining is okay! Then, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep your head high. You will get through this! It is only temporary. Sounds like you will be okay this time around!

kara0729 · August 2013

You will survive! Many pregnant women are working in worse scenarios than this so if you keep reminding yourself of this...you'll make it! I have to be in training this week (I'm the trainer) where I'm there from 5a-9a and then noon-4p! It's 30 min. from my hotel too! It stinks when I have nausea and am puking everyday but I'm just glad I have a great job and am carrying a rockstar baby! You will do great and it won't be as bad as you are setting yourself up for! Own your training!!

Holljade · August 2013

Sometimes being pregnant you do need special treatment so worrying my boss will think less of me seems ridic. I am confident enough in my position that I don't think asking for some flexibility on staying out late for dinner or whatever would change my boss' opinion of my work ethic.

Mellie212 · August 2013

I told my boss right away and asked them to keep it quiet. I don't understand not telling. If, God forbid, you miscarry - wouldn't they know anyway? I wanted my boss to have some context if suddenly I called in (which I did a couple weeks later). I don't expect special treatment in any way, but the truth is that it is something that you are dealing with and you are going to do your best. But I can't do crazy heavy lifting, and I might seem tired or distracted. There are limitations. I just thought it would be worse if it turned out that I couldn't just suck it up sometimes, that they weren't sitting there thinking, "what's up with her?" My past job performance speaks for itself, they know I'm doing my very best. And you have to do this for a week right? Not just one day? I'd let them know. Maybe you'll do great and they'll be impressed. Just another perspective

good luck!

Holljade · August 2013

Mellie212 you hit the nail on the head.

They would know if I M/C anyway. That thought never crossed my mind. I think I will let her know- that alone makes me feel more comfortable.

lopezalonso · August 2013

I too would suck it up and get through it. I would definitely pack snacks though because even at 6 weeks (10 now) I was hungry constantly.

Holljade · August 2013

WickedNE said:

Holljade said:
Sometimes being pregnant you do need special treatment so worrying my boss will think less of me seems ridic. I am confident enough in my position that I don't think asking for some flexibility on staying out late for dinner or whatever would change my boss' opinion of my work ethic.

It seems like you don't want to do your training and want to pull the pregnancy card to get out of some of it. Most working moms don't respect that. You asked what people thought, and everytime someone tells you why they think you should deal with it, you argue your case back. Go ahead, tell your boss and maybe he will let you sit in your hotel room and sulk.

RAWR!! I was waiting for one of these

I mentioned the 12-14 hour days being difficult for me and wanting to leave dinner ealry. Not sure how that translates to me wanting to sulk all day in my hotel room

I was a working mom with DD and plan to be one now so I'm not new to this game. It disappoints me to think other working moms may lose respect for me knowing what its like to be pregnant have children and work fulltime.

There is nothing else I can say without sounding more defensive.

Everyone else... thanks again for ur input I enjoy reading the different perspectives and will be taking them into consideration

huskymomma94 · August 2013

WickedNE said:

Sometimes being pregnant you do need special treatment so worrying my boss will think less of me seems ridic. I am confident enough in my position that I don't think asking for some flexibility on staying out late for dinner or whatever would change my boss' opinion of my work ethic.

It seems like you don't want to do your training and want to pull the pregnancy card to get out of some of it. Most working moms don't respect that. You asked what people thought, and everytime someone tells you why they think you should deal with it, you argue your case back. Go ahead, tell your boss and maybe he will let you sit in your hotel room and sulk.

@mamamia866 This was not abuse. Please, please do not use the abuse button for opinions that you simply do not like.

Holljade · August 2013

I will let you guys know how it goes. I was just having a meltdown yesterday (dare I pull the pregnancy card and say crazy hormones?

)

kstar83 · August 2013

yeah sorry im traveling internationally next week, I will have no car and very long days on my feet all day bymelf, where it will be difficult to take potty breaks. The only reason I am telling my boss who will be at another part of the meeting is because I can't carry the booth set up (its 70 pounds) and I need help lifting some things for set up. Otherwise im packing granola bars and snacks and making a run before the meeting starts to get waters and other ginger ale type things. We will have no car. Just cabs, and walking a mile each morning to get to the meeting.

it's my job, i love my job. Am I looking forward to it? not as much as I would be if I were not pregnant. So I can understand thinking , gosh I hope everyone doesn't want to go out for sushi and networking again until 10pm...

But we can be polite and go for a few and then excuse ourselves to get a good nights sleep for tomorrows training/trade show. And take a cab. It is only a big deal if you make it one. Good luck!

ellajune2012 · August 2013

Mellie212 said:

I told my boss right away and asked them to keep it quiet. I don't understand not telling. If, God forbid, you miscarry - wouldn't they know anyway?

With my first miscarriage I *had* to tell my boss because it impacted a big presentation I was supposed to be making with her and I felt awful about having to flake on it. But the second time I miscarried, I did not tell anyone at work, so no... they do NOT necessarily have to know. I called in sick for two days and then went back to work the next week. To this day no one at work knows I've been pregnant twice, and only my boss and one coworker I was friends with knows about the first one.

aguy2011 · August 2013

I don't know why people are being so hard on you. It's not like your asking to not do training. Getting out of dinner is reasonable! I just started a new job and found out pg 3 weeks after starting. Since they are family friends I am not as scared to tell them. Going to at 8 weeks. Not my normal self and I don't want them to think I am apathetic (when really I am naseous).

Holljade · August 2013

If I were able to expense cabs that would make me feel better. Since we have colleagues that live locally that volunteered to drive a big group of people, I just feel stuck on other people's time.

I wont make a fuss in front of everyone (this is why I vent about it here) and who knows maybe things won't be so bad. I'd love to be in my hotel room by 8 or 9 so I can decompress and be prepared for the important stuff during the day.

We'll see. Good luck hope all goes well!

ALHolli · August 2013

I told my managers right away last time but I was a dog groomer so I was in contact with flea and tick meds/shampoo, large dogs that fought me every step of the way, heavy lifting, etc. If your job is something where you don't have to come in contact with "dangerous" stuff then I don't see any harm in waiting a little. Like someone said earlier, later on they could see you worked through what's (in my opinion) the hardest trimester and kept on truckin. I do totally get the long days though. My m/s has been bad enough that I have to seriously weigh, "can I go to the grocery store alone? Can I stand in line?" and usually need to do with DH or have him go instead.

You know your relationship with your boss the best, you (oughta) know if you'll be judged by it. I don't think you're trying to pull the pregnancy card with this, everyone experiences pregnancy differently. My hats off to those who did pull through and kept working, and several of my groomer coworkers groomed til their water broke.

Holljade · August 2013

aguy2011 said:

I don't know why people are being so hard on you. It's not like your asking to not do training. Getting out of dinner is reasonable! I just started a new job and found out pg 3 weeks after starting. Since they are family friends I am not as scared to tell them. Going to at 8 weeks. Not my normal self and I don't want them to think I am apathetic (when really I am naseous).

THANK YOU!!! I was starting to think I didn't explain myself well (and maybe I didn't but I'm glad at least someone gets it lol)

erind0213 · August 2013

I would tell my boss.

I told mine at 6 weeks just to get if off my chest and for her to be more understanding if I was out for any reason or had appointments since my OB doesn't have evening hours.

It also is allowing us to work on my coverage for when I will be out so we will have folks trained to fill in for me.

If I wasn't used to working 12-14 hours days I would definitely ask for concessions to get my dinner to go or pay out of pocket and suck up the cost so I could put my feet up and relax. First tri is very tiring and I know its been rough for me working full time, handling a toddler and keeping up with a the house. Its way different then the first time when all i had was a husband and a house....

holly820 · August 2013

Talk to your boss and/or HR. Skipping dinner due to your condition could be considered a reasonable accommodation? Another question...are they paying you to attend dinner? If not, that is your time and you cannot be required to go. This may mean you would have to buy your own dinner but it may be worth it to have some rest time.

Holljade · August 2013

no I don't get paid any kind of overtime, I'm salaried. The only reason we are all doing dinner together is for accounting reasons, we aren't expensing any of our meals while on travel because they are going to provide them for us. Obviously meeting and chatting with our fellow colleagues is another plus to us eating together

Now that I think about it, we may be getting food catered in. Which would be ideal.... I think I am going to ask....

clo1982 · August 2013

I eat nonstop at training seminars even when I'm not pregnant and no one has ever given me a side eye for it. So I think you would be completely fine bringing in additional snacks to eat between meals. Blame it on boredom if nothing else! Also, with DD, I had multiple training sessions that were between 3-5 days long. If I started getting nauseous I would just excuse myself to the restroom and hang out until I felt a bit better. No one really pays that much attention to how long you are gone (unless it's like an hour!). If you truly feel like you can't make it through dinner, just say you aren't feeling well and get a cab. Yes. you will have to buy your own meal, but you can't have it all!

I'm a big proponent of the whole pregnancy is not a disability way of thinking. A woman gets pregnant, her company/employer doesn't; so to expect the company to work around you isn't realistic. Not saying this to the OP as I don't believe that is what you are saying but some of the PP's have mentioned that special treatment is in order. If you need special treatment and are no longer able to perform your job duties, that is grounds for having your employment terminated. Pregnancy is not a reason to be fired...not doing your job absolutely is. Again not directed at OP as I didn't get the impression you were seeking this but I have seen quite a few times on here already the 'I'm sick, why don't they let me come in late...I want to work part time now but was just hired, why are they so mean and make me work FT...I was hired to lift boxes but now refuse to lift anything over 2lbs, why are they being such meanies!?' haha, just can't take that!!!

JerseyBella · August 2013

I personally would tell my boss what is going on, because you may not be in a position to openly snack when you need to, or go pee as often as you need to. So at the very least they may be able to just ease your mind with how your day will be or give you the opportunity to snack or pee more. I don't think it makes you any weaker or a bad worker or disappointment to working mothers for you to tell you boss what is going on. Good luck with your trip and hope you don't have Mexican for dinner

jessicaemms9 · August 2013

I think it's funny every time I read a post it's always the same people writing negative opinions comments etc. It to me seems like they want to come off like their opinion is always correct and when your just asking a simple question is all. This place is for helping each other not making people feel incompetent. Yes I know I'm sure ill get a reply on this but hey that's just my point of view. And I hope the training goes well and no Mexican restaurant comes your way!! Congrats!!

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