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AWKWARD

Sunday924Sunday924 member
in Blended Families
Today is SS's birthday and he happens to be with us. CO says BM can pick him up from 6-8. When she dropped him off he asked if he could show her his toys. DH sat there and said nothing so I said sure. I thought he would bring them to her. Nope she came in and went to his room and stayed what felt like forever. DH called his name and a few minutes later I did too so she would get the hint. Finally they came out, his room is right off the living room. I do not want her in my house. It was so uncomfortable and next time I will be prepared to say no in a nice way. I was just caught of guard. We don't have a good relationship with her at all. She has made up lies, called CPS with lies, and taken DH to court many times. But I will say this is the first summer visitation EVER (it ends Friday) that she hasn't pulled something.
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Re: AWKWARD

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Letting her into her sons room is for him and not her.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    I understand it was for him but this will be the one and only time. It's also my DD's room and I don't want BM hanging out in her room. Maybe her being in my DD's room isn't a valid reason but I just don't like BM in my house. Period. Especially with the history between us.
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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    it would have been perfectly acceptable for you to reply "sure go get your toys to show your mother"  she doesn't need to be in his room at your house
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  • nattyncbridenattyncbride member
    edited August 2013
    ldmessing said:
    it would have been perfectly acceptable for you to reply "sure go get your toys to show your mother"  she doesn't need to be in his room at your house
    Agreed.  Instead of trying to find a nice way to say 'You can't come in my house', just create the situation that you had originally envisioned: "I thought he would bring them to her."    
    If being a math nerd is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
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  • khetzelkhetzel
    I just had to pick up my SD with DS in the car for the first time (he's 4 weeks) and BM just happened to be in the yard when I drove into the neighborhood. So I drove around the block coz that's how much I do NOT want that woman near my son. I would never allow her in my house. Thankfully SD is 10 and knows her mom is crazy and would never assume she would be welcome in this house.
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  • sprky79sprky79 member
    It's ok to not "want" her there, but to have allowed her to be there, the way you did.  We all do sh!t we don't want to do all the time because it is the right thing to do.  I'm good with your approach :-)
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
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  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    I think you did the right thing letting her in. You are an adult, you can handle that awkward feeling. Your SS should never feel awkward about inviting his mother into his room. Imagine if the situation was reversed, and your SS invited his dad into his room at his mom's house, but she refused. How confusing to a child, and how hurtful to the parent who has been barred entry. You completely did the right thing, don't second-guess yourself.
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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    I agree w PP about it being awkward for the child. We dropped my SS off at home one day and on the way there DS says something about playing with him, toys at SS's moms etc and at 3 with not very good communication skills SS says to him "you can't come in my house". Same child who couldn't tell you he needed to use the bathroom said that. I can only imagine where he heard it and DS was shocked and confused.

    It's awkward for you I'm sure, and it would be awkward for me too but I couldn't see myself telling BM she's not allowed in my home. She's never been to our home but I've stepped inside her door several times. Never been in SS's room or further than the living room but still, the less awkward the kids are, the better.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    While I agree that BM coming into the house wasn't necessarily for her benefit but for SS', I can say that BM would not be allowed to step foot in my home.  However, I feel this is one of those situations where there is no right or wrong answer and it really depends on your circumstances.

    There have been too many inflammatory remarks, accusations and flat out lies regarding me and my children to ever allow BM to have an "inside" glimpse of our lives.  Maybe that's me holding a grudge, but so be it.  And @Sunday924 K and DD share a room, so I understand your discomfort with BM being in there.  Now that this has happened once, you will definitely be more prepared next time.
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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    I can relate to you. After BM threatening DS. She is not even allowed in our drive way. She lives 16 hours away, and came up for her 2 weeks last summer and stayed in a motel here, but I would not let her in our yard. she could drive by from the highway, but we will not open the gate for her. She crossed the line, and I do not feel safe with her around my DS. Heck I dont feel safe with her around SS, but the judge feels we do not have enough proof to pull SS from the home.
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I think it is perfectly reasonable to not want specific people in your house. If your SS has shady friends you didn't trust you wouldn't let them in, just because he wanted them there. It's not really that different. It depends on the relationship and should be discussed diplomatically.

    I completely think SS's room is his own, however it is in our house. My SS's BM has never let us in beyond her foyer, but we have let SS take her to his bedroom because he had asked in advance if she could see it. I walked up to his room with him and showed her aroud our house. We have also let her in our family room while she was waiting for someone for about 15 minutes. However, those two instances DH and I had already agreed were acceptable. I dont trust her in any capacity and would neer let her be in SS's room wihout me thtere. She has made several false accusations previously and im not going to give her the opportunity to be in my house and fabricate more stuff. There have to be boundaries that everyone is comfortable with.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • KendraL86KendraL86 member
    I understand your feelings completely. Your home is your space, your safety from her crazy. You have every right to maintain your sanctuary of peace!! You can tell SS no next time, or give him instructions to take what he wants to show her to her directly.

    I invited BM into my house once - for Easter (my two SD's said they wanted her here BC it was their first Easter away from her). BM said she was coming, but then bailed two hours before Easter (via email!). Needless to say, she's never been invited back to our home and isn't allowed to ever step foot in my house again. This is my home and my peaceful place away from her drama (which occurs frequently). I want to maintain that, even though SD's may not like it all the time.
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Littlejen22 said:

    Letting her into her sons room is for him and not her.

    Not when someone is calling CPS on you. BM used to just walk in our house and stand in the main living room which is rude as he** in my opinion so now SS needs to wait for her at the window and walk outside when he sees her car pull up.

    Nothing wrong with establishing healthy boundaries with unhealthy people
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  • twister22twister22 member
    KendraL86 said:
    I understand your feelings completely. Your home is your space, your safety from her crazy. You have every right to maintain your sanctuary of peace!! You can tell SS no next time, or give him instructions to take what he wants to show her to her directly. 

     I invited BM into my house once - for Easter (my two SD's said they wanted her here BC it was their first Easter away from her). BM said she was coming, but then bailed two hours before Easter (via email!). Needless to say, she's never been invited back to our home and isn't allowed to ever step foot in my house again. This is my home and my peaceful place away from her drama (which occurs frequently). I want to maintain that, even though SD's may not like it all the time.
    I love that. My home is my space, and I don't need to open it up to someone I don't want in my home. If some people are comfortable letting a BP in their home, so be it, but no one should feel obligated to do so.
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