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Pre-School and Daycare
ambrvan
member
DS had a MELTDOWN this morning. Advice please!
ambrvan
member
I have never posted in this board. I am a blended families bumpie. But I have a problem.
My DS is 3.5, birthday in December. He just got bumped up to the four year old room at his preschool on the first week of August. The transition has not gone well. Today it was so bad that I got a note sent home saying he was kicking and screaming after I left, kicked his teacher in the stomach (she is pregnant), and slapped another teacher in the face when she came to see what the commotion was about.
I am embarrassed, hurt, disappointed, and very frustrated by all this. I have been getting notes daily about him screaming at his classmates and sometimes hitting them, too.
I am at a loss because he does not do these things at home. Anyone he gets to a level of intensity that get might be get of control, because he still just a toddler and self-control is not exactly there yet, I simply remove him to sit on his bed until he has called down and then we talk about the unacceptable behavior. If he is not to that point, I normally take a more active approach with consequences. But in that state, he is not going to hear it or cooperate with it and everyone would end up in frustrated tears.
His teacher's note asked me today for tips to calm him down, but I don't have any that they don't already do. Tine out. Remove from situation.
Tonight's consequence for kicking and slapping at school, which he was aware he did and told me he did it because he wanted to go to work with me instead of stay at school, was no movies (we do not have cable, only DVDs).I told him if he comes home with a good report tomorrow from his teacher we can watch a special movie together. He find me he will tell the teachers he is sort for hitting and kicking tomorrow.
I am at a loss for what do.
My DS is 3.5, birthday in December. He just got bumped up to the four year old room at his preschool on the first week of August. The transition has not gone well. Today it was so bad that I got a note sent home saying he was kicking and screaming after I left, kicked his teacher in the stomach (she is pregnant), and slapped another teacher in the face when she came to see what the commotion was about.
I am embarrassed, hurt, disappointed, and very frustrated by all this. I have been getting notes daily about him screaming at his classmates and sometimes hitting them, too.
I am at a loss because he does not do these things at home. Anyone he gets to a level of intensity that get might be get of control, because he still just a toddler and self-control is not exactly there yet, I simply remove him to sit on his bed until he has called down and then we talk about the unacceptable behavior. If he is not to that point, I normally take a more active approach with consequences. But in that state, he is not going to hear it or cooperate with it and everyone would end up in frustrated tears.
His teacher's note asked me today for tips to calm him down, but I don't have any that they don't already do. Tine out. Remove from situation.
Tonight's consequence for kicking and slapping at school, which he was aware he did and told me he did it because he wanted to go to work with me instead of stay at school, was no movies (we do not have cable, only DVDs).I told him if he comes home with a good report tomorrow from his teacher we can watch a special movie together. He find me he will tell the teachers he is sort for hitting and kicking tomorrow.
I am at a loss for what do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DS had a MELTDOWN this morning. Advice please!
Everything Fred said.
But also, I would be clear that this doesn't happen at home. But turn it around on them: "What can I do to support you?"
Did he have enough preparation for the switch? Were there no issues like this in the other room? Maybe suggest she communicate with the other teacher.
Some ideas: photo copy the cover of his favorite movie and cut into some puzzle pieces and let the teacher mete out the pieces as a reward throughout the day.
Has he ever gone to work with you? If he has, I personally would say "Nope sorry. you are a boy who hits, kicks and screams. Boys who do that are not allowed to go to work. But when you have 15 stickers for nice hands and feet all day at school, you may come to work with me one morning for a little while." And I'd take him in early to work while I putzed around for half an hour, then do something fun. If he hasn't and can't tell him no, kids can't go to work, but once he has 15 stickers for no hitting all day, he can come in late and do something super fun in the morning.
Is it possible to put him back in the other room and try again in a few months?
Can he call you at work/cell between activities if he completes activities without bad behavior?
Would giving him a pic of you to keep in his pocket help?
As for preparation for the switch, I did not even know about it until the prior Friday. I am going to try to meet with the director and his teacher tomorrow afternoon and discuss things, though.
Holding back into the 3yo room is an option for me if they would go for it. I hate to do that. But honestly, he will be going into kindergarten late because his birthday is after the cut off date, so it might make more sense for them to keep him back in preschool if he just isn't ready yet.
It doesn't sound like keeping him in the 3 year old room would be "holding him back." Do they even have a 5 year old room to move him into next year when the other 4s go to K and he doesn't? My DD has an Oct. birthday 3 weeks past the cutoff here, and she's in a 3 yo room this year, 4s next year, and then moves to K. While on the one side I would love for her to be with the 4s because she would like the education side, she's not socially ready to be with the kids who go to K next year.
It sounds like moving him back to the 3s would be better for him, especially since you didn't have any time to prep. him for the change. (And if they're worried about their numbers, moving him because they brought a new kid into the 3s, ask them what their plan is for your son next summer when he WON'T be going to K with the other 4s.)
We discussed a disciplined chart, like a conduct chart, that she had talked to the teacher about implementing in this class. We all ages it would probably work well for DS' s way of learning. I also told them that if he ever begins to get to a point where he is getting to frustrated to understand our communicate our flat out any that the best course of action for him would be to take him across the hall to the director's office and tell him that when he calmed down they would talk to him and let him come back into class with his friends. And then when he is calm they should talk about what was unacceptable and how he should behave in the future.
I told the director I was not taking this lightly and wanted to make sure she understood that it was being addressed at home and not just left for them to deal with. She said she thinks that as long as DS knows we are all on the same page the issues will resolve. She believes it is more of a phase and testing the limits and learning how to cope with anger and frustration. I agree.
To answer some of the questions you asked. .. DS moved up with his class mates, so all but two class mates are children he has been with. Those two are for, everyone else is 3 going on 4. For the kids who do not start kindergarden next year, they will go to the pre-k class for 4-5yo not yet in school. So their system of moving kids up really is well worked out. And since we were in the waiting list for over a year before a spot opened up, I know for a fact that they don't move kids up to a higher empty spot to fit in a new younger kid. This place has a very low turn over rate. I honestly am very happy with it. And I know DS has fun there and has learned so much. Frankly there just is no where else in this city as education and discipline and Christian oriented. We live in a very small town, and there are only 3 child care facilities and two certified in-home daycares. We were with one other place when we first moved here and for out as quickly as possible. I would not even consider any if the others.