IVF - telling work

FutureMrsW9 · August 2013

Hi Everyone - Well AF stopped by for a visit yesterday, so now we're OFFICIALLY on the road to IVF. I was hoping that since I ovulated naturally a couple times now we might not need to, but such is life. I go in for CD3 bloodwork and start on BC tomorrow. We're schedule to start injections on 8/27, and then possible retrieval sometime the week of 9/2, probably later in the week. I haven't talked to my boss about possibly needing time off here and there for this yet since we didn't know for sure what was going to happen...but now that the time is upon us, and I need to say something.

What did you ladies tell work about time off, if anything? I'm not comfortable giving full disclosure, but my boss is a smart woman and I think if I say "I won't know for sure what day I need off until possible the day of....." she's going to figure it out. But I also don't want this to hinder my track to be promoted. I work in Compliance/Internal Audit for a Pharma company if anyone else has similar experience and how you handled this any advice would be much appreciated!

Allison7 · August 2013

I am not on the IVF route, but I did disclose to work that I would need last minute time off for fertility treatments. I was kind of forced into this because we have "blackout days" at work where we are not allowed to call in sick. I am not willing to mess up my fertility treatments for work. I know I won't be promoted here and I would leave immediately if I could find something else close in pay. Sometimes I wonder if my subconscious had me tell them in hopes that they would fire me for calling off during blackout and then I could sue them...but I digress...sorry!

If you don't have a blackout type of situation with time off, then I would likely just call in sick. I wouldn't want to risk the chance at promotion either, especially if I liked my job, employer, or boss!

happygirl1013 · August 2013

In my world, the minute you said IVF that equals babies, which means you're off the track to be promoted/ considered for good projects. The last thing I want is to end up child free and without my desired career trajectory. I'd say nothing, but just take the days off you know for sure you need and call in sick the other days. In the end, as long as your boss has as little disruption as possible to their work flow and what needs to get down, you will be good.

katekat8721 · August 2013

I'm IVF bound and have told my boss. I'm not in the position where it should hinder my career, and I plan to stay at home after babies so no biggie. The reason I did it was because I work in a small office with nosy people and wanted her to have my back should people complain about the time I'm taking off. Plus, there is a level of protection you have from disclosing the information. Should they terminate me, I could potentially sue on discrimination grounds. Yeah, obviously my husband's an attorney haha.

Good luck in whatever you decide :-)

FutureMrsW9 · August 2013

Hmmmm...I hadn't thought about calling out sick. We don't get official sick days, it's more of an honor system thing, but I have tons of personal days that I have to use or lose before the end of the year so that was my original plan. I do know that they can't discriminate for promotions, etc. just because you have a baby/get pregnant/etc., but as sad as it is I still feel like there's a stigma around pregnant women and mothers. The only reason that I would worry about coming back afterwards is because I need the benefit. We actually have an amazing fertility benefit, so I know I'm very lucky. But if I don't come back, at least for a little while, I'll have to pay for everything OOP. Also, I don't think my boss would be mean about it or anything, she'll at least say that she supports me and understands, but she's 36, never married, no kids of her own and I know she wants all these things.....so I'm just not sure how she's going to react to the whole thing.

We're also trying to come up with something for DH to say, too. The week of my retrieval will be during his close week at work, which is pretty much the only time during the month that he can't take off (of course!). Hopefully it'll fall on Friday or over the weekend, but you just never know with this stuff! And he's only been at his new job for 5 months, so he doesn't have that kind of seniority yet when things come up.

GermanGirl2007 · August 2013

Late to the party, but thought I'd pipe in. I have had a lot of the same concerns. I know that legally, employers can't discriminate because of pregnancy, plans to get pregnant, etc., but let's be honest- they do. I also didn't want my IVF and plans to get pregnant to disrupt my opportunities to take on important projects or be promoted. Luckily for me, my monitoring appointments have all been before work, so there has been very minimal interference. In anticipation of missing some time, I told my boss that I was experiencing some health issues, and may need to miss a bit of time for Dr. appointments. Today was my ER and I told my boss that I had a last minute appointment become available with a specialist and needed to go in. No one has pried, but if they did I would feel ok saying that I didn't feel comfortable talking about it.

Also, in terms of your husband's schedule, would it be possible to have a semen sample frozen so that it was available in the event that your husband was not? We had to do that because DH travels extensively for work. It worked out perfectly because DH was OOT today for my ER, but we had the frozen sample, so we were able to move forward. It cost us $400 for the vitrification and storage.

GL to you!

formerwigirl · August 2013

I had to apply for FMLA. It will cover you if you need to leave work for appointments or treatments. My work won't allow me to just leave for a few hours and come back, so I had no choice. Luckily my RE put on the application that I may miss work 4-6 times per month for 1-2 hours each with as little as 24 hours notice. You have to work for a company that has more than 50 employees but if you get approved then all you have to say is I need to leave FMLA and leave it at that. Due to FMLA they do not have the right to know the reason because of HIPPA laws. Hope this helps! Good luck!!

FutureMrsW9 · August 2013

Thanks for all your input ladies! Jen, I did actually look into FMLA, and according to HR it's definitely an option. However, I don't want to eat away at the benefit now if I don't have to because it's on a 24 months schedule. So if this IVF cycle works I'll have used several days of my FMLA that I won't be able to use for maternity leave, and I find myself being stingy when it comes to my thoughts of maximizing maternity leave hehe. But, yes, it's always an option. And, to your point, you're right that HIPAA does protect me from having to disclose why I'll be OOO for "health" issues. I'm probably making this a much bigger issue in my head than it really is or will appear to my coworkers and boss.

lest12 · August 2013

I don't think you're making it a bigger iasue - it is a big issue! I still wish I didn't tell my boss about my CP when it happened because I dont want thave that stigma at work either. How you deal with it is important!

I like the idea of just saying you're having a minor health issue and leaving it alone. They might put two and two together but won't really know.

FutureMrsW9 · August 2013

My monitoring appts will be any time 6-7:30am, so I'm not so worried about that. Also, because of the risk of over stimulation, they're actually going to cryo preserve our embryos for 3-4 weeks, so the ET will actually be the easier part for me because we can schedule it. The only part that I'm concerned about is the ER. But after reading the responses I think I'm either going to say that I have some medical things going on and I'm going to need a day here or there and unfort. it will be short notice OR just call out sick.

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