Am I being petty? long.

bionicb · August 2013

Ok, my FI and I have this battle every time we do a guest list for a joint event, ex: wedding, and baby shower. I just went over his guestlist for our baby shower and two people he is kinda friends with are on the list. I dont particularly like or get along with these women, nor is he close to them in any fashion. The only reason he invites them is so "they don't feel left out and it doesn't get awkward in that friends circle."

Uhm, I don't really give a shit. He has 47 people on his guest list between close family and friends, and random extended family and friends. Where I can barely invite my grandparents because of space issues. He doesnt want anyone to have hurt feelings, except 90% of my family can't be invited. Awesome.

I know two people arnt going to make a difference but its the whole issue of him inviting people who arnt close and have no bearing on our child's life whatsoever. I really don't give a shit if not inviting them hurts their feelings, and I'm over his behavior about it.

Oh hell I am being petty arnt I?

MrsB2be13 · August 2013

Well I don't know ...we had 80 on or invite list and got about 35 RSVP's .
The hostess were only planning for 50.

When I asked the question about who to invite on the Baby Shower Board ..they told me I was gift grabby and you shouldn't invite everyone you know.

BrittanyCupcakes · August 2013

I invited a few people like that, that I'm not really close to, but are close with some of the other people I really want there. But my problem was the opposite. My hostess told me 50-75 guests, and I could only come up with 30.

I fully expect a lot of my guests to show up empty handed, and that's okay because I just want a good party. I think calling people "gift grabby" is stupid, because nobody is obligated to go if they get an invite, and nobody is obligated to bring a gift.

KerCo51 · August 2013

I kept my guest list pretty short for my shower. I feel weird asking people I am not that close with for gifts. If space is an issue, close friends and family should be obviously be invited first. So if people you're close to aren't be invited so your FI can invite acquaintances, then no, I don't think you are being petty.

LeaLea123 · August 2013

Why can't 90% of your family & friends be invited? If its bc he invited a bunch of randoms and you're close to your guest limit, I'd be peeved! If that's the case, maybe you guys should be able to have equal amount of guests. Family and close friends are more important. I'd say no to the 2 girls.

huntjul · August 2013

I'd be all like "my shower, my decision" as far as guest list goes. Has your hostess provided a numerical cap on number of invites? PLEASE tell me that this is a shower someone else is throwing for you and not an event you and DH are planning for yourselves.

huntjul · August 2013

BrittanyCupcakes said:

I fully expect a lot of my guests to show up empty handed, and that's okay because I just want a good party. I think calling people "gift grabby" is stupid, because nobody is obligated to go if they get an invite, and nobody is obligated to bring a gift.

I'm side eyeing the shit out of this post, and I can't be the only one. How do you expect a lot of your guests to show up empty handed? Are they really that socially inept that most of them don't understand that the purpose of a shower is to shower someone with gifts??

BrittanyCupcakes · August 2013

huntjul said:

BrittanyCupcakes said:

I fully expect a lot of my guests to show up empty handed, and that's okay because I just want a good party. I think calling people "gift grabby" is stupid, because nobody is obligated to go if they get an invite, and nobody is obligated to bring a gift.

I'm side eyeing the shit out of this post, and I can't be the only one. How do you expect a lot of your guests to show up empty handed? Are they really that socially inept that most of them don't understand that the purpose of a shower is to shower someone with gifts??

There are a few specific people who I don't expect gifts from at all, because I know their financial situations, but they also do happen to be financially inept. My "SIL" (actually my sister's SIL, but we're close) straight up told me she wasn't bringing a gift.

I know the point of a shower is supposed to be to shower a new mom with gifts, but a lot of my guests are struggling college students. I just try to keep my expectations low, I've been disappointed too many times when it comes to parties, and for me, it's more important that people show up than bring gifts. Too many birthdays where nobody bothered to even show up, I guess.

Wino0920 · August 2013

I invite my DH's best friend's wife because it means a lot to him.

bionicb · August 2013

His parents are throwing the shower because they have the backyard for it. I didn't realize that that meant their son (my FI) gets a shower and I get to tag along. When she offered to throw us a shower I figured I'd actually get to have my family there, apparently his guest list of almost 50, means my guest list gets to be about 20, at most.

LeaLea123 · August 2013

FutureMrsFugattLarson said:
His parents are throwing the shower because they have the backyard for it. I didn't realize that that meant their son (my FI) gets a shower and I get to tag along. When she offered to throw us a shower I figured I'd actually get to have my family there, apparently his guest list of almost 50, means my guest list gets to be about 20, at most.

That's a tough one. Have you told him how you feel about your family missing out on the big day? I think you should say exactly what you just typed. You said it perfectly! Maybe he and his family didn't realize your point of view with all the party planning going on. I don't think you're being petty at all. I kinda feel like the point of the party is being over looked. Sorry.

Wino0920 · August 2013

So should his mom throw you a shower and invite more of your side? People have two showers for this reason.

sleepy33 · August 2013

FutureMrsFugattLarson said:

His parents are throwing the shower because they have the backyard for it. I didn't realize that that meant their son (my FI) gets a shower and I get to tag along. When she offered to throw us a shower I figured I'd actually get to have my family there, apparently his guest list of almost 50, means my guest list gets to be about 20, at most.

In my book, family gets invited before friends, always.

bionicb · August 2013

Honestly, I don't want a shower at this point. Not with him and his family.

I'm just a horrible person in their eyes because I want to be a responsible adult who takes care of her child and not live with them where his mommy and daddy do everything for him.

Lately, everything with him boils down to me being selfish and unreasonable. Yep, selfish because I don't wan to live with his parents. Unreasonable asking him to get a job, literally any job at this point.

Sorry, apparently I'm harboring a lot of resentment still.

LeaLea123 · August 2013

I wouldn't want to live with my parents or SOs! Why won't he get a job?

bionicb · August 2013

He has been applying, but refuses to apply for anything he isn't almost perfectly qualified for. Great, except he has been out of school for almost three months. Yeah, LO will be here in 9 weeks, tops (high risk, doc wants to insuce at 39 if I haven't gone before that ). He doesn't have the luxury of time.

MrsB2be13 · August 2013

Not every single person you invite to any event will show up. It is usually 30-40% of the people invited actually show up.

lbethke99 · August 2013

Sounds like you and your FI have more issues then just the shower!

Good luck with all that.

LeaLea123 · August 2013

I hope he just takes what he can get for now and keeps up with applying for jobs that are more suitable for him like crazy. I see why you're stressed.

bionicb · August 2013

lbethke99 said:
Sounds like you and your FI have more issues then just the shower!

Good luck with all that.

Definently. Lol. I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall most of the time.

zenjenjen · August 2013

Regarding the job issue: he needs to take whatever job he is offered at this point. He is going to be someone's father in a couple months. Aside from that, an applicant is more attractive with some experience on his résumé!

As for the shower: maybe you can have two showers. One for his family and one for yours. This is done often because of these types of situations.

EmJ&B · August 2013

Oh honey . . . you sound frustrated and defeated. Is it always like this or is being pregnant making things worse? FI's needs and wants shouldn't always come first and wanting your own place (and him to have a job) isn't selfish.

As per the shower, whatever the total number of spots available is (say, 50) should be split between the two of you. Altho, truth be told, I'm amazed the FI cares who is invited. My DH only cared about my guest list as much as he had to (meaning, he listened when I read it to him - lol).

kimbo1216 · August 2013

It sounds to me like it's a shower for his side of the family/friends. This is very common. With large families especially. I wouldn't worry about the 2 girls either. That just seems petty at this point.

I had a friend's shower and a family a shower. When my friend offered to throw me one, I was not about to ask her to host a party for my entire family as well. It was not her job to do that. So, her shower was for my friends. Then my mom, sister and family friend threw my family shower. If DH had a larger family, I'm sure there would have been a separate one for his side too. But most of his family is out of the country, so that wasn't a problem.

I guess I just don't understand why you expect your entire family to be invited. I'm sorry if no one from your side offered a shower, but there's not much you can do about that.

Amcdonnel1028 · August 2013

I'd say no to the two Ladies. Your family is much more important to have there than two women ea not even close with! [-X

muffyvonmuff · August 2013

Eh I say invite everyone you both like, for your wedding too. The chance of everyone coming is pretty slim. Or send our a first round of invites then see who RSVPs no, and send out a second round after since you know you now have more room.

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