I think I never really thought we'd get here...

roughkat · August 2013

AF came today. This was the last cycle for trying unassisted (aside from 3 ill-advised unmonitored Clomid cycles a few months back) before we move onto IUI with Clomid and a trigger shot. Even though we're starting cycle 20, and this has clearly been affecting me for a while, I guess I never really thought we'd get to the point where our next child would have to be conceived in an office (and not in a fun way!).

I have to call the RE tomorrow so they can send in my prescription for Clomid and my trigger and schedule me for a date with the dildo cam on day 12. It's not the procedures I'm worried or sad about, really - I know they'll be awkward and uncomfortable but ultimately fine. It's just hard to wrap my mind around the fact that apparently, this is what it will take (or more) to have a shot at having another child. How can that be, when DS was conceived with no interventions after 8 cycles?

It's kind of a mind fuck, really.

KC1212 · August 2013

Dildo cam!! LMAO.
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to laugh when you are upset, but that was a new one

Hopefully IUI is your golden ticket. I did 2 IUIs with Clomid+trigger (they failed) BUT we are MFI & had only 3 million post- wash sperm.

Anyway, I know it sucks, but it might not be a bad thing and it sounds like you have a game- plan!

Our son was a natural surprise after 4 years. Although he was not conceived easily, I am constantly torturing myself with - what was the magic recipe to make that happen again?

So, I kind of get your mind fuck but in a different aspect.

Best of Luck!

pettycrocker · August 2013

I can totally relate to this. I just started cycle 18, and I get that "Why/how is this even possible?" feeling almost every day. Our DD was a surprise- I had no effing clue when I was ovulating, and we were using condoms- go figure. Now 18 cycles of charting/OPKS/CBEFM/checking CM+CP/ PERFECT TIMING = nothing!

I can't wrap my brain about this shit. All the testing has come back perfect, and we're looking at IUI or IVF because my stupid UTE forgot how to be KU.

Wishing you the very best of luck with your IUI.

annibes · August 2013

Mind eff is so the right phrase. I'm sorry you have to move on to the next step. Hopefully it works for you right away!

I got pregnant with DS after 2 cycles, no charting or anything, expecting it would be 6 months or longer before I was pregnant. Surprise! So we waited until he was a little over a year old to start trying for #2 thinking we would just time the kids 2 years apart.. Ha. 3 years later and we are still trying. We won't move on to medicated or assisted cycles because DS has autism and we decided against forcing the issue. DS' life will be difficult and we don't want to pay an RE to give another child a hard life. Plus, my sanity is pretty shot as it is sometimes.

We are doing everything we can naturally, though- healthy diet and such. We are wandering into crazy land, though- DS had a rough night recently with behaviors and not sleeping and DH and I thought surely I would get pregnant if we had sex when neither of us could imagine handling another child in this house... We'll see.

MJC1116 · August 2013

@roughkat, I think your feelings of disappointment are completely normal. I felt the exact same way once we decided to go that route. From the time we met with RE to discuss possible treatment plans to now, we spent about a good 8 months TTC naturally and during that time, each month, I was certain I would be "surprised" by a natural pregnancy. This obviously did not happen, and each month that went by was very frustrating and more disappointing since the reality became clear -- I needed help. And like you, I conceived #1 easily -- first cycle trying. I am a very type-a, control based person, so thinking about asking for and needing help was a major mental hurdle. But then the time came to start my IUI cycle, and I started to feel more optimistic... that this was going to give us our baby, finally, after almost 2 years of trying. And the thought of another baby, no matter how we went about achieving that dream, made everything worth it. Good luck to you!!

@annibes, I got pregnant so quickly the first time, too. We waited for a while for #2 because I thought it would happen fast. And that I would space them out 2-2.5 years. Well that flew out the window. It's looking more like 4 years. I'll take it now, though!

roughkat · August 2013

@KC1212 - I have to confess that dildo cam was not an original. I've just heard it referenced that way. And when I first saw that thing, I thought the name was so appropriate!

Thanks to everyone for the support and well wishes. I know I don't post a ton around here, but I lurk all the time, and it's nice to find a place where people really understand what you are going through.

JalepenoPepper · August 2013

I'm just starting down this route as well, and I'm in complete denial that this is really happening. DS was a piece of cake to conceive, and now this. My RE says I only have a 25% chance of IVF working (low AMH, high FSH yadda yadda...throw a few more acronyms in there and you're head will spin), so I'm thinking we're one and done. It's a big painful pill to swallow, and I have yet to wrap my brain around it.

*big hug* Hope your dreams come true!

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