Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · August 2013

Welcome to our checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

shandorfml2 · August 2013

It won't let me paste for some reason..

New steps...

Maybe? I had a good cry last night, it had been a while. Just miss my girl and it's not fair. Not fair at all! I feel more ready to concieve our next child. More so than I have been.

Nex goal...

continue to get healthy.

QOTW:

We had her funeral 2 days after she was born. We had just close friends and immidiate family. We spoke about what gifts she brought us, how much we love her. Then we had a burial on May 16th once the cemetary opened. Her God Mother read some poems, we did a balloon release and we each gave her a pink rose.

Whats on your mind?

Missing my daughter. Every once in a while I find myself thinking "this is really it? this is my reality?" I have to live without my daughter. And that sucks. I also am ready and want to be pregnant. I want my take home baby.

PerkyErky · August 2013

***ticker warning***

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
No real new steps. Overall I think I am doing ok. Of course there are still moments that hit me like a punch to the gut.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
My biggest goal is to make it through tomorrow, my EDD for Alice. We are going to the cemetery. I haven't actually seen her headstone yet in person. DH has been there and I have seen pictures. But every time I think about going I start to panic. Tomorrow I will go see my baby's grave. I will tell her how much she is love and missed.

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?
We had a funeral. We wrapped her small box she was buried in, in a pink and grey swaddling blanket. Our Rabbi conducted the service. I hardly remember it except sobbing brokenly into my husband's shoulder. The one thing that I do remember the Rabbi saying that has stayed with me was "some souls need a long time to reach perfection and some only need a moment. Alice only needed a brief moment here to reach perfection."

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Just thinking about Alice a lot since her due date is almost here. Plus my uncle passed away last week so it has been a rough couple of weeks.

bunnybun4 · August 2013

rsigler said:

Siggy warning... I haven't participated here for awhile, so I hope you all don't mind that I check in here today. Tuesday marks the 1 year anniversary of losing DD, and I'm struggling right how. Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've been working my tail off trying to get Virginia's baby book done before her first birthday. It's been really therapeutic looking at my belly pics and reminiscing over the good memories I have from my pregnancy with her. However, our printer broke a few days ago, so I'm at a standstill and won't be able to finish by Tuesday. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My only goal is to get through Tuesday and to try and make it somewhat of a celebration of Virginia's life, rather than just a sad day. DH and I are headed to the beach for the day. I'm planning on reading him some of the letters I've written Virginia over the last year, and writing her another letter while we're there. We are also going to get a birthday cake and sing "Happy Birthday". QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you? We had a memorial service in the hospital chapel the day I was discharged. Each of my little brothers spoke, one of them read a few bible verses, and the other read a letter he had written to Virginia. There was a harp player, playing lullabies and "Let it Be" by the Beatles. That song will always remind me of Virginia. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Warning: Rainbow baby mentioned... Just feeling very conflicted this week. I'm having a hard time reconciling the grief that's come on so strong again all of a sudden with hope and excitement about our rainbow baby. I still can't believe that this is my life. It feels so surreal.

((HUGS)) I'll be t&ping for you this week.

Just wanted to add that your blog was soooo healing to me during the first few terrible months after my loss-i just wanted to thank you for it!!!

bunnybun4 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? this has been a really good week...DH and I went on vacation to San Francisco and had a great time...I suddenly realized in the middle of my trip that it was the first time that I didn't feel like a "loss mom" 24 hours of everyday. It still comes and goes and I don't ever want to forget about her but it was nice to have a few days where I felt somewhat normal and okay. It was a very strange feeling...of course it hit me hard on the plane ride home and I almost started crying when I saw a pink sunset from the place (pink sunsets remind me of her)
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? continuing to lose weight before we are TTC again and just healing for the most part...I am really trying to become more thankful for the things I DO have in my life
QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?we were going to and then our pastor's mother died and I didn't want to put him through that...however coincidentally the Sunday after our loss he called and made sure I knew that they were having a special memorial service that afternoon for anyone with a loss...we lit a candle for her and it was really sweet
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I am on my second AF after my most recent loss and this clears us to TTC...and I still don't have a clue what I want to do...neither does DH...so we have just not even discussed it in about 2 weeks. I am scared out of my mind but just so ready to have something go right in this area of our lives. I almost feel like if we try "too soon" then we will be punished with another loss...if that makes any sense at all. I hate having all of these superstitious thoughts. but I don't know if I can handle another loss.

angelsnight · August 2013

Ticker warning

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really, I've been so sick this week, not much else has been on my mind.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? We're doing a walk next month in Kayla's honor and we're raising money to help other families with funeral assistance. Our family was amazing and was able to give Kayla the funeral and burial she deserved because it would have been a huge financial strain on us, so it feels great to pay it forward and help other families.

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you? We had a short visitation and then our friend said a few words of comfort. We then processed to the cemetery and again said a prayer before burying her. We put a few things in with her, like the U of M booties that was the first thing we ever bought for her, a teddy bear, and my brother put in a picture of me and him and our mom (she is deceased) when we were little. I got to hold her one last time before we sealed up her coffin and MH carried her out to the hearse which was a HUGE honor for him.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Thinking about how different my life should be right now....I should be on maternity leave, I should have a newborn daughter right now.

Dixon813 · August 2013

marylaurena said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? this has been a really good week...DH and I went on vacation to San Francisco and had a great time...I suddenly realized in the middle of my trip that it was the first time that I didn't feel like a "loss mom" 24 hours of everyday.

I'm glad you had a nice vacation! We got away a couple weeks ago and it was the first time I also didn't feel like a "loss mom"...

Dixon813 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I continued to see my therapist. It's been really good to have someone to talk to as it seems they're always on my mind and most everyone else has moved on.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Get through the first week of school. I haven't seen many of my co-workers and I'm really nervous about what they (and my students for that matter) will or WON'T say.
QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?
We didn't - we decided to have them buried with other babies from the hospital. As my DH puts it, they've always been a group - always the three of them - that we thought it would be fitting for them to be in a larger group of angels. The hospital has a memorial service once a year in June. It's still months away, but I look forward to it...
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
This week I would've been 32 weeks pregnant, which is the average gestation of triplets, so this was the week we told people we were "safe"...

Heatherhah · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? just trying to get through each week leading up to her 2 year angelversary

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? getting through September

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? talking about Sydney when I can and trying to deal with her angelversary

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you? we had a memorial and we had different items that were for her plus her ashes and my uncle spoke on our behalf anf members of my family read poems it was so hard to handle but it was beautiful too.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? loss really is a roller coaster of emotions I have been weepy all week and it is very hard right now.

shandorfml2 · August 2013

rsigler said:

Siggy warning... I haven't participated here for awhile, so I hope you all don't mind that I check in here today. Tuesday marks the 1 year anniversary of losing DD, and I'm struggling right how. Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've been working my tail off trying to get Virginia's baby book done before her first birthday. It's been really therapeutic looking at my belly pics and reminiscing over the good memories I have from my pregnancy with her. However, our printer broke a few days ago, so I'm at a standstill and won't be able to finish by Tuesday. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My only goal is to get through Tuesday and to try and make it somewhat of a celebration of Virginia's life, rather than just a sad day. DH and I are headed to the beach for the day. I'm planning on reading him some of the letters I've written Virginia over the last year, and writing her another letter while we're there. We are also going to get a birthday cake and sing "Happy Birthday". QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you? We had a memorial service in the hospital chapel the day I was discharged. Each of my little brothers spoke, one of them read a few bible verses, and the other read a letter he had written to Virginia. There was a harp player, playing lullabies and "Let it Be" by the Beatles. That song will always remind me of Virginia. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Warning: Rainbow baby mentioned... Just feeling very conflicted this week. I'm having a hard time reconciling the grief that's come on so strong again all of a sudden with hope and excitement about our rainbow baby. I still can't believe that this is my life. It feels so surreal.

I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday... ((hugs))

princezjk · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Nope. My counselor told me I am trying to rush my grief process. I guess she is right. I don't know what I am trying to get to though, not sure what the "end" is. I guess I just want to get to a place where I can feel some peace and acceptance.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I think for right now it is just to slow down. I still feel disoriented and unfamiliar with my life. I am going to work on just finding me again.

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?

We did. Izzie's funeral was 6 days after she was born sleeping. It was a small ceremony, family and close friends. Very brief, like her life. I have thought about things I should have done or included, but I was in such shock that week, I didn't know what to do. I had asked my sister to get her a burial gown, since she would have been her godmother and traditionally the godmother buys the baptism gown. She also bought Izzie and me matching mother/daughter bracelets. I like knowing Izzie will always have hers and I will always have mine. It feels like a small connection I will always have.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Always my Izzie girl

Bruton8288 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Family is my go to remedy for healing. Being around family members, sharing stories & just being in company of everyone makes me feel at peace. As many of you already know I have a

19 month old LO, so she keeps me busy.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My goal is that to acknowledge it's OK to laugh or smile without feeling guilty. I know my sweet angel wouldn't want me to be sad. Yes there will be days I just want to cry my eyes out, but everything will heal within time. I feel guilty because it makes me feel I have forgotten her, but I didn't, and my husband is telling me it's OK to feel happiness.

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you? We had a memorial service, the visitation was only for family & the ceremony was public.We including two little stuff animals, one was a dog & a bunny. Elizabeth has the doggie & Victoria picked the bunny. I told LO that anytime she wants to walk to her sis, tell her secrets, just talk to the bunny. She will listen. I will never forget LO blowing kisses to Elizabeth & how bright the sun shinned at the cemetery.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Elizabeth. Every morning I kiss Elizabeth's blanket & tell her good morning & same thing when it comes to say good night. I tell her I love you, when I feel the breeze I just stop for a moment & embrace it.

christie212 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

DH and I got a memorial tattoo for Hope. I love it, mine just says Hope with a tiny footprint. DH got her initials and date of birth/passing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

We are going to back to DH's hometown in the midwest on Friday, we will bury Hope on Saturday morning.

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? If so, what did you include in the ceremony that was special to you?

Yes we had a small memorial service (just DH, me, my mom and sister), we will have her burial next weekend with DH's side.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

We went to our close friends baby's 1st birthday yesterday. I was ready to be there, I thought everyone knew about the loss of Hope. Apparently not, within 10 minutes of being there, the host's brother told us congratulations, I lost it, started crying and had to go to the car. DH explained the situation, but we ended up leaving right away. I felt so bad, but I could not bear the thought of being there a moment longer. I really cannot believe this is my life.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Blogging, lots and lots of blogging. Finally let my parents begin telling relatives of our loss, and started returning their text messages. I don't have the energy to go through the conversations live at the moment. My therapist returns from vacation tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to having her back in addition to just my psychiatrist. I also went out everyday last week, and DH and I even attended a wine festival on Saturday for a few hours.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? My follow-up from my D&E is Friday. Bleeding has stopped, but now just have really occasional spotting that doesn't even require a pad or anything - it's just annoying. My goal for myself is for the bleeding/spotting to end (I don't have much control over this one.) and then return to trying to find a job. I was laid off a week before I found out I was pregnant, and was fine freelancing and working from home until LO arrived, but now I need a full-time job for the distraction. Plus, I never planned on being a SAHM or SAHW, so this just isn't the right place for me right now. Finally start planning DH and I's trip to Italy next week.

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My psychiatrist will be weaning me off my 2mg of xanax xr at the end of next week, which I think will help me focus. But I worry it will also keep me from compartmentalizing the loss and moving on...

QOTW: Did you have a funeral or memorial for your Angel? Since his nickname was olive, I purchased a few olive branch jewelry pieces. I also plan on getting a tattoo of either a butterfly or a dove carrying an olive branch. My name means butterfly, and I know that butterflies are often associated with pregnancy loss, so it's sort of appropriate. We are also having olive trees planted in our in-laws backyards since right now we are amidst moving.

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