Advice please... Where to move?

designer303 · August 2013

A little background, DH and I currently live in the city and my parents who are extremely involved with DS live about a half an hour away in a suburb that neither Dh or I find appealing aside from the fact that my parents live there. DH has been saying for years that he never wants to leave the city, I have been trying to convince that we have to leave the city, because the public schools in town are horrible, private schools are ridic and also I just dont think it feels like the childhood I want for DS. I want him to be able to run around and not worry about all the city dangers. So I finally found a suburb that seemed to tick all the boxes and DH seemed to get on board until we realized that neighborhood was so ridiculous price wise that we have quit looking there and DH was reverting back to his I want to stay in the city Mantra. I found a house yesterday and it all seems perfect, in a cute little town with a short commute to the city, walkable, and we can afford it, etc all the things DH wants, he was actually excited about the possibility. Now comes the major downside, it is on the opposite side of the city as my parents so we would be about an hour away from parents house and when I told my mom we were thinking of going to look at it, she got all choked up and tried to put on a happy face, but she is clearly upset and I really don't like that aspect of it either. But I feel like my choices are move to their neighborhood so that DS can see his Gram everyday and I know she would be a tremendous help to us and I am really close with my parents as DH has come to be, but we do spend almost every weekend all summer together with them in our shared beach house, so part of me thinks they will still see tons of each other that half of the year, but then I think maybe thats just not good enough given hoe close we (especially DS and my mom) are. I just feel very torn. I grew up with my grandparents down the street and it was awesome, I could get off the bus and walk to Gran and Pop-pop's no problem and I know that freed my mom up alot. Basically I feel like I can't make this decision. I feel like its too hard. I know that asking DH to move to parents neighborhood would be something he would dread as it would mean double the commute, its not walkable, there isnt much out that way, except my parents. Ughhh do I pick DH and I's happiness or DS's and my parent's? Not to mention I feel like I lean on my mom pretty heavily and if I didn't have her help sometimes I dont know what I would do. This feels like and impossible decision- any thoughts or insight are greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long ramble...

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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-T- · August 2013

That's a tough decision. I would suggest taking plenty of time deciding what you want to do. DS is young enough that you have time to think about it. I can tell you a little bit about our situation. We moved for DH's commute. We were 20 min from my family, now 60. For us, it was the right decision. If DH isn't happy, no one is happy. He wanted to spend more time with DS than his dad spent with him. We sold our house really quickly, had to find something else and jumped into building a home. We are renting in a town 6 miles away from the house we're building. It's tiny- like population of 500. I absolutely love it. I wish we would have bought a house here. I wish we would have rented long term to find out the area we really liked. I guess I would determine what would be best for your immediate family, because that is your core unit. I know moving sux, but maybe try renting in the area you are strongly considering, just to be certain it will or won't work for you. Maybe you'll be surprised with what ends up working for your family.

designer303 · August 2013

Thanks for all input, I know you are right and that is the decision I have been leaning towards, its just tough. My mom watched DS one day every week when I went back to work the first year of his life and I'm afraid that if we move to the other side of the city that would keep her from doing the same for any future kiddos. In the end will probably bite the bullet and go for the place that DH and I picture ourselves, but I think it will be tough especially at first.

Ricola · August 2013

I agree with mtb on all accounts.

Good luck with your decision!

designer303 · August 2013

Thanks and having been to the neighborhood- it was amazing and probably the right fit, now we just have to find a house, cause the one we went to look at might have been about to fall over

MesmrEwe · August 2013

As others have said you've got time! You don't HAVE to purchase a place now, you can keep looking. When the time is right, everything and the details will fall properly into place. You never know when an estate sale will pop up and you'll be able to get the home you wanted in the other area within your budget. Keep an open mind.

IMO, if it's a full hour of city driving, yea, it's going to suck and be a "deal breaker" because busier times of day means that it'll be more time than that.

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Advice please... Where to move?

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