Relationship Strain??

mindfulturkey · August 2013

Ugh hate to put this out there but my partner and I have been really at each other lately. We are both so busy and stressed and were not expecting this pregnancy. We are so happy and excited, but the shock of it all has taken its toll and financially we are worried. I'm not saying I was expecting us to be skipping on the beach like a Lifetime movie or anything, but sad that we aren't getting along. We always make up and come together, but need to find a way to chill out and not bark at each other so much. Anyone else struggling here?

cynthiasun79 · August 2013

Oh yeah, I'm feeling the same way with my partner, and this pregnancy was planned. My husband understands during the pregnancy I'm just more emotional and we can't dwell on it. However, I think he can be so frustrating and irritating. Things with us usually chill when he walks away. Someone has to walk away in the middle of the argument to get things to chill. Also reminde eachother no one is perfect... Things are changing, and that's okay... It can be a good thing. Hope this helps.

Guennie · August 2013

My DH is really struggling with the whole responsibility part and trying to grow up. He is almost 40 and still in many ways a selfish boy. It's been brutal to be honest. He has withdrawn and distanced himself from me and I have felt very lonely. Having a baby definitely magnifies whatever issues you already have in the relationship and throws in the added stress of financial strain. I'm sorry you're struggling, I really hope it gets better. For all of us. Hugs.

jbelle · August 2013

Guennie said:

Having a baby definitely magnifies whatever issues you already have in the relationship and throws in the added stress of financial strain.

I think this is well said and quite true.

While my DH and I don't happen to be having more fights (yet--touch wood), everything has taken on a more intense tone.

I'm surprised I'm recommending it (not because it's bad, I just wasn't finding it particularly riveting), but The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy might be worth reading. I'm about halfway through and she talks a bit about husbands/partners reactions. I would just grab a copy from your local library if you can, as it may or may not fit the bill for you (and I can't imagine re-reading it, even if you do like it).

Regardless, I hope you two hit your stride soon and can look back on these moments and laugh.

amjdmom · August 2013

I'm with you! Although, I am still trying to get happy and excited which makes it worse! I was completely done having kids even had the tubal talk with my doc and was doing it after the first of the year, but my husband wanted one more. We have always used the withdraw method (sorry tmi) and he decided that he would not withdraw once in hopes that he would get his one more and here I am 5.4 weeks pregnant. Who would have thought at 40 it could still only take one time?? I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason...just waiting to find out what it is

I've been spending a lot of time with my nose in a book and trying to relax! Good luck!

nixie321 · August 2013

Yes, I find that my relationship with my BF is somewhat strained. Last Dec we had an unexpected pregnancy (I was 40 at the time) and after a lot of soul searching and discussion we decided to proceed with the pregnancy only to miscarry 6 weeks later. We then have been planning on having a child and currently I am 8 weeks along (and now 41) and everything is going well so far but our relationship is strained a little. I think it's because he is happy and hopeful and I'm just nauseous all the time which makes things difficult and we aren't connecting at the moment. He's very supportive but it seems the dark side of the 1st trimester is messing with us! This will be a first and only child for both of us so it's still a very intimidating situation.

kat4905 · August 2013

I know what you mean. We tried for a while to get pregnant and we sniped at each other for the first few weeks after we found out. Thankfully things have calmed down the past week...knock on wood. I know I'm extra tense and nervous about making sure everything is set up for when the baby comes. I think some men start going into provider mode too and feel anxious about that. Good luck!

Athena0303 · August 2013

We were a lot in the beginning! I think he needs a man to tell him to step up and be there for you because your job is way harder than his! That's what happened with my husband - an older man friend of ours had a talk with him. I think at first he just didn't get how overwhelming it was to be pregnant. Since I've been LOOKING more pregnant, he's been more empathic with me (funny because I felt so much worse in the beginning and could have used the empathy more then!). I'm pretty lucky because my husband is a very sensitive man in general, though sometimes he just withdraws when he gets overwhelmed.

I have made a point to thank him for little things he does and show that I understand it is stressful for him too because I think for men, they feel the pressure of the responsibility. I think with the good guys, they may get moody because they feel like they have to be 100% responsible now. But the odd thing is, we women feel the same way because the baby is in our body! I think both men and women get stressed/upset for different reasons. Maybe have a talk about what each of you is fearful about and try to understand each other, no matter how illogical the fears are.

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