WWYD: Family against TDAP vaccine

JLMcWeeney · August 2013

So today I let my dad and sisters know that if they wanted to see my baby when he is super tiny they need to get the TDap. They all pretty much looked at me like I was crazy. They told me I was going overboard and not all vaccinations are nesessary. Obviously I disagree, but now I'm worried that none of them will get the vaccine. I thought it would be nbd to get it, but they think I am being stupid about it. I didn't really know what to say. BIL said straight up that he is not going to get an unnessassary vaccine. Even if that means not being around my LO. So what I thought wouldn't be a big deal has turned into a problem. I don't know what I should do to make sure people get the dang vaccine! WWYD?

DaniB091 · August 2013

Maybe you can find some research to send them highlighting the dangers of pertussis for infants? I am a little surprised they care more about not getting the vaccine than protecting your LO from the disease.

ksf13 · August 2013

My family is acting the same way. They haven't told me no, but I actually just brought it up to my mom earlier today and she kind of acted like I was being overly protective. I think because it wasn't a "big deal" when she was having babies, she doesn't see the point. I had to refrain myself from being rude. She finally said she would look into it, but she didn't seem too happy about it. She asked if me and my husband got it. Well, yeah, obviously I wouldn't be asking them to get it if we weren't. I plan to bring it up again soon. I'll plan to stay on her case until they get it.

JLMcWeeney · August 2013

That's a great idea about getting research! They really had no idea why they would need to get it. My sister had her son 2 years ago, and none of us got the shot because I didn't even know about it. She didn't tell anyone we should or anything. It's weird though because you would think she would know that it is important.

ravenclaw1 · August 2013

Certainly present them with research and do your best to have a nice conversation about it. But ultimately, you'll have to decide whether you're ok telling them they'll have no contact with the baby early on if they don't respect your decision.

staceymack · August 2013

I'm in an outbreak area too. Also, I'll have preemies. It isn't an option for us. You either get it or don't visit. My grandma made a sarcastic the comment today about how she would not do this for just anyone. I reminded her we can't and aren't forcing people to get vaccinated. If you want to visit us, you must have it. I really haven't had any push back, but when I tell people about it I let them know this is recommended by our OB, Perinatologist, and neonatologist. The CDC refers to this as cocooning. Here's the website. https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/pertussis/tdap-pregnancy-hcp.htm

ilovetolaugh · August 2013

Tell them to get over it. Your kid, your rules.

EMLYNNLERETTE · August 2013

Another who lived in the outbreak area but didn't get the vaccine. I've mentioned before (and think is a good disclaimer) that we have been advised NOT to vaccinate. We didn't ask anyone to vaccinate because it was their body and their choice. We were very clear if you were sick or around those who were, that guests needed to be honest about it for the safety of DD. It went over very well and we had several people say they needed to wait. I think generally people are open to respecting boundaries especially when it is health threat related. I think asking people to vaccinate and hanging your baby over their head is overstepping. Yes, you have the right to refuse anyone your child, but demanding someone else follows your health regime is not very considerate either. It's a fine line, but the people who I allow around my small infant have brains enough to recognize danger and shouldn't be threatened into following what I say. I'm wondering if you plan to never leave the house with baby within the first 6 months? That's how long it takes to be fully 'protected' against the virus. Not to mention it does not guarantee anything.

If you were my close relative I would be sad, but understanding if you would not allow our DD around your child. But I would be more willing to accept it if it weren't presented as a threat.

Cleo421 · August 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE said:

Another who lived in the outbreak area but didn't get the vaccine. I've mentioned before (and think is a good disclaimer) that we have been advised NOT to vaccinate. We didn't ask anyone to vaccinate because it was their body and their choice. We were very clear if you were sick or around those who were, that guests needed to be honest about it for the safety of DD. It went over very well and we had several people say they needed to wait. I think generally people are open to respecting boundaries especially when it is health threat related. I think asking people to vaccinate and hanging your baby over their head is overstepping. Yes, you have the right to refuse anyone your child, but demanding someone else follows your health regime is not very considerate either. It's a fine line, but the people who I allow around my small infant have brains enough to recognize danger and shouldn't be threatened into following what I say. I'm wondering if you plan to never leave the house with baby within the first 6 months? That's how long it takes to be fully 'protected' against the virus. Not to mention it does not guarantee anything. If you were my close relative I would be sad, but understanding if you would not allow our DD around your child. But I would be more willing to accept it if it weren't presented as a threat.

Hmm... how is not wanting unvaccinated folks who are going against the CDC's advice to be around your infant hanging the baby over their heads? IMO, it's not being manipulative or controlling, it's just putting the baby's best interests first.

OP, I think showing the family the research so as to give them a clear rationale could be very helpful. But at the end of the day, if they don't vaccinate, that's their decision, just as it's your decision not to let them spend a lot of time with LO. I think my family was skeptical too at first, wondering if this was just me overreacting. But at the end of the day, I made sure they knew there'd be no hard feelings if they chose not to get it, it just meant they couldn't spend a lot of time coming over to visit. I just made my stance pretty matter of fact: the Pope is Catholic, the sky is blue, and in our family frequent visitors need to be vaccinated. GL - I hope they come around!

EMLYNNLERETTE · August 2013

Cleo421 said:

EMLYNNLERETTE said:

Hmm... how is not wanting unvaccinated folks who are going against the CDC's advice to be around your infant hanging the baby over their heads?

Telling someone they have to be vaccinated or the can't see baby is holding the baby over their heads. Saying you would like to keep the baby safe for the first few weeks and prefer vaccinated guests only is not.
See the difference? One is demanding visitors to be vaccinated and the other is stating your wishes and giving guests an opportunity to choose without feeling forced or guilty for choosing not to.

Cleo421 · August 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE said:

EMLYNNLERETTE said:

Hmm... how is not wanting unvaccinated folks who are going against the CDC's advice to be around your infant hanging the baby over their heads?

Telling someone they have to be vaccinated or the can't see baby is holding the baby over their heads. Saying you would like to keep the baby safe for the first few weeks and prefer vaccinated guests only is not. See the difference? One is demanding visitors to be vaccinated and the other is stating your wishes and giving guests an opportunity to choose without feeling forced or guilty for choosing not to.

Yes, I can see your point in that the wording is very important. I agree that not personalizing it is key.

Cleo421 · August 2013

Sigh. I will never get the hang of these quote trees.

EMLYNNLERETTE · August 2013

Aurora take a bow.

VitaLuna · August 2013

I would never force someone to have a medical treatment (in this case, vaccine) if they don't want to. I have not and will not be asking anyone in my family to get it, aside from DH and my mom/step-dad (who will be around her frequently). Honestly, I plan for baby to have pretty limited contact with family/friends during cold/flu season anyway (which won't be difficult), so it's not a huge issue on my plate.

ETA: I think people are generally pretty understanding of not wanting a bunch of people around a newborn, especially in the winter.

csspencer · August 2013

My sister is the only who gave us a hard time. She's afraid of shots and is pretty cheap, so I figured she didn't want to pay the copay for the dr visit. I explained to her how important it was, showed her the research and the CDC recommendations (she's very analytical as well) and offered to pay for the shot. My concern with her, she's a counselor and goes into her clients homes, some of her clients are pretty sickly, when I explained everything, she agreed. It's been a few weeks, and I haven't mentioned it again, so I'm not sure if she's got it yet, but I'll probably ask the next time I see her. Maybe talk to your OB or prospective pediatrician for advice. I know when I interviewed our future pedi, she was willing to give is all kinds of pokerwork explaining the imprtance. I'm not planning on imposing a lot of rules with our children, but I want our families properly vaccinated and I'm not afraid to tell them that.

mrsbrooksie · August 2013

My sister sent an email to our whole family (she had a LO 3 weeks ago) with 2 links regarding the new/updated rec's. we forwarded the same email to my in laws. Everyone, minus my sister's in laws are on board. They're sticking to their guns and saying that unless you have TDap, you can't hold their LO until he's 2 months (has his own vaccinations). It's a little awkward when they're around and can't hold him but they just keep him in their baby bjorn or something else creative when they're around.
Our health department (Virginia) gives TDap at their free clinic. It's painless...

When it comes down to it - this is the safety and well being of your child and if people aren't willing to take that into consideration...they need a little reality check.

Shanmarie1083 · August 2013

Ultimately it is up to you as the parents to make the hard decisions. If you are going to demand that they get the vaccine in order to be around baby then you have to be prepared for not only the backlash, but for the very real possibility that your family may not have any contact with your child. I agree with PP's that you should send them links or provide them with info from the CDC to better back your argument.

We live in a high outbreak area as well and I'm not demanding "casual" visitors to get the vaccine, but anyone who will have prolonged contact with the baby, like my parents must get the shot. Both of my parents actually got it yesterday at the minute clinic.

LBib · August 2013

My mum lives outside of the country and I asked her to get it. She didn't understand the reason initially, but brought it up with her doctor anyways at my request saying she wanted to see what he said. He endorsed it (unsurprisingly) and also said she was in need of a tetanus booster so she'll be getting both before coming. With us it just took someone else telling her it was needed.

A37licia · August 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE said:

Another who lived in the outbreak area but didn't get the vaccine. I've mentioned before (and think is a good disclaimer) that we have been advised NOT to vaccinate. We didn't ask anyone to vaccinate because it was their body and their choice. We were very clear if you were sick or around those who were, that guests needed to be honest about it for the safety of DD. It went over very well and we had several people say they needed to wait. I think generally people are open to respecting boundaries especially when it is health threat related. I think asking people to vaccinate and hanging your baby over their head is overstepping. Yes, you have the right to refuse anyone your child, but demanding someone else follows your health regime is not very considerate either. It's a fine line, but the people who I allow around my small infant have brains enough to recognize danger and shouldn't be threatened into following what I say. I'm wondering if you plan to never leave the house with baby within the first 6 months? That's how long it takes to be fully 'protected' against the virus. Not to mention it does not guarantee anything. If you were my close relative I would be sad, but understanding if you would not allow our DD around your child. But I would be more willing to accept it if it weren't presented as a threat.

I agree with all of this.

amy11401 · August 2013

I have a question.....Babies do not get the first dose until 2 months correct? Then they still need other doses. What about if they go to daycare before 2 months or before they have all their doses. Wouldn't they be at risk then?

mrskeyte9 · August 2013

We made it clear that anyone visiting needs it. We're in an outbreak area so we don't want to risk it.

luminousbluestar · August 2013

I'm with you on this one. Anybody who's going to have frequent contact with my baby has to have it. They think it's unnecessary? Do they realize a little poke for them could save your baby's life? Maybe they don't understand that what seems like a cold for an adult can be fatal for a baby. Sorry you have to deal with this. Just stand your ground even if they think you are insane. That's what us momma's have to do.

EMLYNNLERETTE · August 2013

luminousbluestar said:
I'm with you on this one. Anybody who's going to have frequent contact with my baby has to have it. They think it's unnecessary? Do they realize a little poke for them could save your baby's life? Maybe they don't understand that what seems like a cold for an adult can be fatal for a baby. Sorry you have to deal with this. Just stand your ground even if they think you are insane. That's what us momma's have to do.

A little poke? Or a poke AND chemicals being injected into their body?

FYI, these vacs also can have fatal results. Just think you might need to know that. Your pedi will give you handouts with the vaccines explaining this.

Adding, I'm really advocating for a better approach to asking for what you want. ..

SoCalBrandi · August 2013

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/hcp/vis/vis-statements/tdap.html

JLMcWeeney · August 2013

amy11401 said:
I have a question.....Babies do not get the first dose until 2 months correct? Then they still need other doses. What about if they go to daycare before 2 months or before they have all their doses. Wouldn't they be at risk then?

Yes they would be at risk. I am a SAHM though so I am not worried about him getting it at day care.

JLMcWeeney · August 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE said:
Another who lived in the outbreak area but didn't get the vaccine. I've mentioned before (and think is a good disclaimer) that we have been advised NOT to vaccinate. We didn't ask anyone to vaccinate because it was their body and their choice. We were very clear if you were sick or around those who were, that guests needed to be honest about it for the safety of DD. It went over very well and we had several people say they needed to wait. I think generally people are open to respecting boundaries especially when it is health threat related. I think asking people to vaccinate and hanging your baby over their head is overstepping. Yes, you have the right to refuse anyone your child, but demanding someone else follows your health regime is not very considerate either. It's a fine line, but the people who I allow around my small infant have brains enough to recognize danger and shouldn't be threatened into following what I say. I'm wondering if you plan to never leave the house with baby within the first 6 months? That's how long it takes to be fully 'protected' against the virus. Not to mention it does not guarantee anything.

If you were my close relative I would be sad, but understanding if you would not allow our DD around your child. But I would be more willing to accept it if it weren't presented as a threat.

Im not sure if my LO will be out of the house within 6 months or not, but I do know the CDC recommends the vaccine for people that are caregivers or people that will be around the baby a lot. I'm not worried about the random person at the grocery store that is near my baby. I am much more worried about the people that will be hugging, kissing, and spending time with my LO.
I'm not trying to tell people how to take care of themselves or make them do what I say, but some people are kind of dumb about knowing they Shouldn't be around a baby but are excited so they think it will be just fine. It would really make me feel much better if everyone that will be in close contact with my baby within the early days of his life gets the vaccine.

crunchetta · August 2013

amy11401 said:

I have a question.....Babies do not get the first dose until 2 months correct? Then they still need other doses. What about if they go to daycare before 2 months or before they have all their doses. Wouldn't they be at risk then?

I think the hope with day care is that every child who is old enough has had the vaccine and hopefully the day care center has regulations about their workers being vaccinated as well. I know our day care requires proof of vaccination.

The thing about vaccination is that those like Emlynn's daughter who for some reason can't be vaccinated can be protected if everyone else around them is. The problems arise when large numbers of people don't get vaccinated and the disease starts spreading around.

tittytwistertortoises · August 2013

DS was born in January and I sent out a text message to all visitors that we were requiring the TDAP per pedi's instructions. I offered to pay for it for immediate family but know one took us up on the offer. DH has a large family and DS was the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents, which meant a lot of people wanted to visit. We didn't take DS out for the first 2 months either.

With this one, my guard is a little more down. I think it tends to come with the second child. However, if your going to hold him, you must have the TDAP. This time around most of the family has the shot.

At first, I felt bad when people questioned me and basically laughed at me because it was my first and I was being over protective. But the more I thought about it, this was the first and definitely not the last time I will have to stand up for my kids. If they really want to see the baby, they will get it done. Don't guilt them into it, once the baby comes and they can't see him/her, many will come to their sense and realize how ridiculous they are being.

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