Parenting after a Loss

"Oh, so you're 'one and done' then?"

Ugh. What I heard from DS's teacher yesterday when we were making chit chat when I picked him up from camp yesterday.

I guess she said that because of DS being 3 1/2??? Or my age (which she doesn't know so...)??? I don't really get where her comment came from.

But I replied, "No, we were still trying."

Then, upon hearing that I had five early losses she proceeded to advise me that my body "will know when it's ready."

Completely bummed out my otherwise really great day.

Thanks for letting me vent here about this.

dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


 <dream 2> 12.2011


 2.10.12 : 4 weeks


6.17.12 : 10 weeks


10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


 </dream 2>


 resolve.org


AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


"all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

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Re: &quot;Oh, so you're 'one and done' then?&quot;

  • Well that's a whole lotta verbal diarrhea! Some people need to learn to keep their mouths shut!

    BFP: 7/5/10   EDD: 3/13/11  Miscarriage 8/1/10 at 8 weeks

    BFP: 10/30/10   EDD: 7/7/11   Born 7/11//11 7lb12oz, 20 in.

    BFP: 7/30/13  EDD: 4/9/14 Born right on time on his due date! 8lb10oz, 21.5 in.


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  • Ughhhhhhh what a B!!!!!!! Very unprofessional to ask about that!!! Who says those things anyways?!?!
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    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2012, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2013
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
  • Wow, talk about crossing the line. Ugh. So tactless and ignorant. 
    DS born 2009
    BFP#2 ~ 8/2/11, EDD 4/11/12, D&C 9/12/11 at 9w5d
    BFP#3 ~ 4/15/12, EDD 12/21/12 ~ DD born 12/22/12
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  • Seriously, what a b! I'm seriously thinking some people need a permanent filter. I'm sorry you had to deal with her and her "opinion". Clearly she has no clue.
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
  • God. That sh!t is like nails on a chalkboard. How dare she try to justify what you've been through, when she doesn't even know you. People are so f**king clueless
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  • What a twatwaffle!
    3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
    IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
    Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
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  • I'm so sorry you had to deal with that thoughtless biatch... People just don't get it. Big (((hugs))) to you, darlin.
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  • How inappropriate. I'm sorry she's an socially incompetent dud :(
    Natural m/c Oct. 2005

    Dx: balanced translocation and LPD

    TTC since Oct 2011

    BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)

    IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
    BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
    Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
    Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)

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  • I'm so sorry she said that to you :(  I seriously hate people sometimes!
  • Wow I am so sorry :(
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    TTC since Aug 2011. BFP #1 on 10/28/2011 EDD of 07/02/2012 Natural MC on 11/22/2012  BFP #2 on 10/28/2012  EDD of 7/13/13  Judah Ari born on 7/11/13.

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  • Thank you SO much ladies. I was feeling really crappy about it and thought well maybe I'm just being oversensitive. But after talking to DH and reading your responses I am thinking not. I may even try to tactfully say something to her when I see her and just let her know I thought her question was intrusive and inappropriate.

    Thank you again SO much. I know I'm new to this side of the loss boards and I can't say enough how much I appreciate your support. <3<3<3

    dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


     <dream 2> 12.2011


     2.10.12 : 4 weeks


    6.17.12 : 10 weeks


    10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


    12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


    4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


    10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


    4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


    6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


     </dream 2>


     resolve.org


    AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


    "all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

    lyrics

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    ***All always welcome!!***

  • You are not being overly sensitive - she definitely crossed the line. So sorry you were on the receiving end of this.

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    BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
    BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
    BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






  • What the hell is wrong with people!?!? X( I swear the majority of the world is populated by idiots.....and these are the people educating our children...
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  • Those comments hurts so bad, like rubbing salt in a wound. Some people just need to learn to keep their trap shut :/

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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  • Ugh I'm so sorry hun. Unless people have had a loss themselves they really have no clue. Huge hugs xo

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    BFP#1 D&C May 18th 2012 at 9 wks. EDD Dec 17 2012
    BFP#2 CP Sept 17th 2012 at 4.5 wks. EDD May 23 2013
    BFP#3 EDD June 24th 2013 IT'S A GIRL!
    BFP#4 EDD March 2 2015
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  • Ugh, so rude. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such insensitivity. 
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  • Yikes! I wish people would think before they speak, especially about such a sensitive topic. 
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  • As a teacher, I'm mortified. What an inappropriate thing for a someone to say, especially in a professional relationship. So sorry :(
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  • I'm so sorry she said that to you!  I don't understand how some people are too dense to realize that those words are hurtful.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • Answer:  "No, my husband and I are still having unprotected sex, and thank you for asking".  People are so odd.

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  • Ugh, I'm so sorry! (((Anita)))

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          ***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.

           We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***

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  • Wow - I am really overwhelmed by all of your support. Thank you again so, so much. Xoxoxox

    dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


     <dream 2> 12.2011


     2.10.12 : 4 weeks


    6.17.12 : 10 weeks


    10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


    12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


    4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


    10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


    4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


    6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


     </dream 2>


     resolve.org


    AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


    "all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

    lyrics

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ***All always welcome!!***

  • So many ((HUGS)) @anitaflora. That was INCREDIBLY insensitive of her to say. It's one thing to assume you're "one and done" but completely another to try and tell you that five losses is just your body "not being ready". I'm so mad for you.
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    BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d

    BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11

    BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d

    BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13

     

    BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14 

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