About staying home... And leaving work

FollowDaLeader · August 2013

Anyone work full time after the kids were born and THEN decide to leave? What made you make the final decision? How do you feel about your choice? How did you work it all out financially? I currently work full time. My DH got a promotion about a year ago and our lives have been turned up side down. He works long hours and some weekends. I have been juggling all of the household duties as well as just about everything with the kids... Drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I don't mind it, I actually love it. But it is hard to be responsible for all of this AND maintain a full time job (that requires lot of time and attention also). I feel like I am constantly cut in half. Like I am either being a horrible parent or a horrible employee. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I would love to SAH, or at least cut my hours WAY back. DH and I will really have to sit down and figure out it this is do-able. Our biggest challenge is health insurance, which I provide right now. Would love to hear of your experiences. Thanks for reading and allowing Me to vent. Sorry for the tl;dr

FollowDaLeader · August 2013

Oh, and my kids are 2 and 5

Arnegard · August 2013

I worked until DD1 was 18mo. She was sick constantly and it was a very spur-of the-moment decision. DH made more than enough that we never had to think twice about spending. The hardship came when we moved and had to take a cut in pay for a few years.

doxgirl · August 2013

I worked until a few months ago. We moved for DH's job and I decided to stay home. Honestly, I am having a hard time. Part of it is that I moved away from my family.

Like you I was pulled between getting things done at work and home. It is better than I can just focus on home. It does help to join a moms group and get out of the house when you can. However, I still have days when I am sad that I left my career or more specifically my old job.

dizzycooks · August 2013

FollowDaLeader said:

Anyone work full time after the kids were born and THEN decide to leave? What made you make the final decision? How do you feel about your choice? How did you work it all out financially? I currently work full time. My DH got a promotion about a year ago and our lives have been turned up side down. He works long hours and some weekends. I have been juggling all of the household duties as well as just about everything with the kids... Drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I don't mind it, I actually love it. But it is hard to be responsible for all of this AND maintain a full time job (that requires lot of time and attention also). I feel like I am constantly cut in half. Like I am either being a horrible parent or a horrible employee. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I would love to SAH, or at least cut my hours WAY back. DH and I will really have to sit down and figure out it this is do-able. Our biggest challenge is health insurance, which I provide right now. Would love to hear of your experiences. Thanks for reading and allowing Me to vent. Sorry for the tl;dr

Maybe I am a snot, but I've told DH as he is looking at new jobs that if it involves me to be 100% all the time and severely limits his time at home or ability to be a physically helpful member of our family I would rather he either not take the job or that it better pay enough that I can stay home comfortably. I actually teach during the school year so I'm not home FT yet as we have more kids that will probably change.

I would start by switching your health insurance for your DH and increasing what he is contributing to retirement to make up for what you'll be losing. Open a roth for yourself and start contributing as part of your budget. Then take your salary and start saving it (as best you can with daycare expenses!). Then you'll have a buffer if something happens that is unexpected.

Dochas · August 2013

My sister did because my BIL works insane hours and travels constantly. But money was not a factor for them at all. If only it could be that way for everyone.

If you continue working - can you afford to hire help? Get someone to clean, have groceries delivered. Possibly even someone to cook some meals? Not like a personal chef, but someone who does that kind of thing in your area? A babysitter/helper to be there in the evening when you get home from work to just be there. How far back can you cut your hours and still get insurance? I would decide on which way you want to go and then approach your managers about either a raise or cutting back on hours - if that's a conversation you think you can have without risking your job.

FollowDaLeader · August 2013

dizzykates said:

FollowDaLeader said:

Anyone work full time after the kids were born and THEN decide to leave? What made you make the final decision? How do you feel about your choice? How did you work it all out financially? I currently work full time. My DH got a promotion about a year ago and our lives have been turned up side down. He works long hours and some weekends. I have been juggling all of the household duties as well as just about everything with the kids... Drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I don't mind it, I actually love it. But it is hard to be responsible for all of this AND maintain a full time job (that requires lot of time and attention also). I feel like I am constantly cut in half. Like I am either being a horrible parent or a horrible employee. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I would love to SAH, or at least cut my hours WAY back. DH and I will really have to sit down and figure out it this is do-able. Our biggest challenge is health insurance, which I provide right now. Would love to hear of your experiences. Thanks for reading and allowing Me to vent. Sorry for the tl;dr

Maybe I am a snot, but I've told DH as he is looking at new jobs that if it involves me to be 100% all the time and severely limits his time at home or ability to be a physically helpful member of our family I would rather he either not take the job or that it better pay enough that I can stay home comfortably. I actually teach during the school year so I'm not home FT yet as we have more kids that will probably change.

I would start by switching your health insurance for your DH and increasing what he is contributing to retirement to make up for what you'll be losing. Open a roth for yourself and start contributing as part of your budget. Then take your salary and start saving it (as best you can with daycare expenses!). Then you'll have a buffer if something happens that is unexpected.

Well if only life were so simple.... DH didn't have much choice in the matter. He would much rather be home with his family, but it was new position or no position.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

FollowDaLeader said:

dizzykates said:

FollowDaLeader said:

Anyone work full time after the kids were born and THEN decide to leave? What made you make the final decision? How do you feel about your choice? How did you work it all out financially? I currently work full time. My DH got a promotion about a year ago and our lives have been turned up side down. He works long hours and some weekends. I have been juggling all of the household duties as well as just about everything with the kids... Drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I don't mind it, I actually love it. But it is hard to be responsible for all of this AND maintain a full time job (that requires lot of time and attention also). I feel like I am constantly cut in half. Like I am either being a horrible parent or a horrible employee. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I would love to SAH, or at least cut my hours WAY back. DH and I will really have to sit down and figure out it this is do-able. Our biggest challenge is health insurance, which I provide right now. Would love to hear of your experiences. Thanks for reading and allowing Me to vent. Sorry for the tl;dr

Maybe I am a snot, but I've told DH as he is looking at new jobs that if it involves me to be 100% all the time and severely limits his time at home or ability to be a physically helpful member of our family I would rather he either not take the job or that it better pay enough that I can stay home comfortably. I actually teach during the school year so I'm not home FT yet as we have more kids that will probably change.

I would start by switching your health insurance for your DH and increasing what he is contributing to retirement to make up for what you'll be losing. Open a roth for yourself and start contributing as part of your budget. Then take your salary and start saving it (as best you can with daycare expenses!). Then you'll have a buffer if something happens that is unexpected.

Well if only life were so simple.... DH didn't have much choice in the matter. He would much rather be home with his family, but it was new position or no position.

If our job provides the health insurance, your job is necessary. Just because he had to take the promotion to stay employed doesn't mean he can't explore other options. It seems like in your shoes maybe dh should take a step back for the time being to a job that requires less of a time commitment so he can help out more.

dizzycooks · August 2013

FollowDaLeader said:

dizzykates said:

FollowDaLeader said:

Anyone work full time after the kids were born and THEN decide to leave? What made you make the final decision? How do you feel about your choice? How did you work it all out financially? I currently work full time. My DH got a promotion about a year ago and our lives have been turned up side down. He works long hours and some weekends. I have been juggling all of the household duties as well as just about everything with the kids... Drop off, pick up, sick days, etc. I don't mind it, I actually love it. But it is hard to be responsible for all of this AND maintain a full time job (that requires lot of time and attention also). I feel like I am constantly cut in half. Like I am either being a horrible parent or a horrible employee. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I would love to SAH, or at least cut my hours WAY back. DH and I will really have to sit down and figure out it this is do-able. Our biggest challenge is health insurance, which I provide right now. Would love to hear of your experiences. Thanks for reading and allowing Me to vent. Sorry for the tl;dr

Maybe I am a snot, but I've told DH as he is looking at new jobs that if it involves me to be 100% all the time and severely limits his time at home or ability to be a physically helpful member of our family I would rather he either not take the job or that it better pay enough that I can stay home comfortably. I actually teach during the school year so I'm not home FT yet as we have more kids that will probably change.

I would start by switching your health insurance for your DH and increasing what he is contributing to retirement to make up for what you'll be losing. Open a roth for yourself and start contributing as part of your budget. Then take your salary and start saving it (as best you can with daycare expenses!). Then you'll have a buffer if something happens that is unexpected.

Well if only life were so simple.... DH didn't have much choice in the matter. He would much rather be home with his family, but it was new position or no position.

I completely understand the importance of having a job. I didn't realize it was that job or no job, sorry if that offended. DH and I are literally having this discussion right now because some of the jobs he is being offered are incredibly demanding and time consuming. We are looking at the right balance for our family and at the moment do have the luxury or him taking a new position/job or staying where he is.

If that isn't (wasn't) the case for you, have you considered extra help? I know that can be a financial burden as well, but maybe there is something would would be helpful. I am a big fan of having meals in the freezer to make evenings easier. Perhaps he could help prep a whole bunch of meals once a month so dinner goes more smoothly for you. Could you look into other daycare options with hours that might allow him to do pick up periodically so you can go home and catch up on chores or errands before the kids are home (or just so you can have more time before you need to pick them up?)?

I truly didn't mean to be condecending or dismissive, like I said, DH and I are just literally having this same conversation because I know how terribly overwhelmed I would be in your shoes.

nosoup4u · August 2013

I'm about to go fulltime (I taught part time last school year), and even w a v v helpful DH who does his share, it's just hard. I second thinking about getting some paid help for cleaning, meal planning, etc. Can you switch insurance over to him? Is going part time a possibility with your job?

As stressful as being a working mom is, I would rather work than SAH fulltime again.

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