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Blended Families
+just+j+
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I got an email from XSD
+just+j+
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She sent me a message. I want to wait to respond, (if at all) and I want your input. "I wish we could've been closer than what we were before you and dad split. I'm not jealous of DD, trust me I want her to succeed, and with you as her mother I know she will. Look, whatever I did to you to make you so bitter towards me, I'm sorry. I asked God a long time ago to forgive me and help others forgive me. I gave all my burdens to him so I could go on living a peaceful life. I have a lot on my plate with two special needs children and three other bullheaded ones. I'm trying to raise my family and keep my marriage afloat. I don't understand why you blame me for your divorce but if it helps you sleep at night fine. Marriage is a battle within itself and if you don''t nurture it, it doesn't grow. We had to have God tell us that. Temporary permanent temporary, your children are temporary, your marriage is permanent, and your struggles are temporary. I'm not trying to lecture, just think if you both had put your selfishnes aside, you marriage would've had a chance. I wasn't even in dad's life when you slpit. You have formed your own opinions and what not but only God has the final say in the end. I've given my life to him and he has done extraordinary things for my family. I don't live with hate anymore, I forgive you for everything you have done and said in my life and I can't fully step away without letting you hear that. I love your daughter and I hope you and dad can get along for her well being." My thoughts but not my intended response back to XSD: 1. Thank you so much SD for forgiving me. While I wasn't perfect, you make it sound like I was absolutely horrid to you. I wasn't the one who called names. I was not the one who lied. I was not the one who stirred up crap or manipulated. I was not the one who made your life hell. You are essentially forgiving me for being a parent, speaking THE TRUTH, and calling you out on your bullsh*t when your drama got so unbearable, ridiculous and manipulative. 2. Special needs kids? Who the hell is special needs? I've met all of the boys except her son. One is definitely troubled and they are a challenge, but I wouldn't define them as "special needs". Her son was diagnosed with asthma, but that's not special needs. Oy. Still over-exaggerating your situation to garner sympathy. 3. I just love it when people get all Godly. I'm religious. I believe in God, but I keep it to myself. I don't advertise that he's saved me and given me all this grace to deal with difficult people in my life. And I don't believe for a minute that she's found this grace and peace or that she's forgiven me. I believe this is yet another way to manipulate me. Something tells me XSD, that this has to do with your dad's life insurance policy that he is mandated in court to have, and your inheritance that you think DD is going to get. 4. I didn't divorce XH because of her or XSD. They were indirectly a reason yes, but it was because XH refused to parent them and I got sick of the non-stop drama. I did not want my daughter exposed to it, and I still don't. I will continue to keep their impact on DD to a minimum as much as I possibly can. Does that make me a b*tch. Probably. Don't care. I am not deliberately doing anything to keep her or XSS from their sister. I am simply leaving that up to XH and them to make the effort. WHICH THEY ARE NOT. When DD is old enough, I will share my opinion of them in a way that is mature and appropriate, but I will allow her to make up her own mind about them and to have whatever relationship she wants - but she will know what they've done, what their past is, and the kind of people they are. The facts are all out there for DD to see and decide. 5. You weren't in your dad's life when you split? Oh, really? Then why did you post on FB that it was BS that I was leaving your father because I was cheating on him? Why did you offer to come get your dad in the final months XH and I were living together? 6. Go on living a peaceful life? You've never lived a peaceful life. You always have drama. 7. You wish we could be closer? Well here's a tip: quit f*cking over the people who are here to help you. I was in your court for a long time. I forgave, forgave, forgave, and gave you another chance REPEATEDLY. I got burned every time. Nothing changed. Things kept getting worse. I don't need that and my daughter does not need that. 8. The fact that you do not even know what you did to make me loathe you so much is very telling. And good reason for me to not trust you or believe anything you say now. 9. You got one thing right. I'm bitter. And I will be for a while. It's too soon for me. I'm working on it. It will take a while to get over this and maybe if you all would just leave me the hell alone for a while and maybe stop trying to drag me into your drama, or how's this - maybe if you could stop the drama in your life and proving me right, I could do that. 10. Not jealous of DD? HA! That's funny. So that's how I feel. I don't want to respond, if at all, until I can do it with out getting into another argument with her. Which I'm pretty sure will happen. Advice?
"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I got an email from XSD
I have no clue why my paragraphs are not in this. I put paragraphs in...hmmm. Sorry!
I texted XH. I asked if XSD was talking to him again because if you'll remember, she's mad at him because of the life insurance policy that he has to have on DD. She dis-owned him. He hasn't talked to her in a week or two.
He calls and says that I should not respond and I should not trust her. She's up to something. I think he's right. It's about the money. Why she thinks the life insurance policy I put in the CO for DD is her business and that she should get some of that... or Megan shouldn't, I don't know. But I am not playing this game.
Absolutely positively do NOT respond to that....ever!
Unless you in fact WANT to continue on the drama merry go round.
She is trying to rope you into her on going cycle. Don't cave.
Everyone is telling me this. Including XH. Got it. I won't.
Thank you for letting me rant here. I had to get some of that crap out.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm a little behind in my Godliness and forgiving people. I need to go to church, get on my knees and pray.
Wasn't there a restraining order that was supposed to keep her from contacting you or something?
I know I'm probably in the minority, but if it were me & I thought someone I had warned not to contact me did so anyway (esp. with her history of threats toward you & your DD), I would probably either get a restraining order if one wasn't in place or if one existed I would have it enforced. The email is nicely worded, but it is definitely loaded with insulting, manipulative material. You are not related to her anymore, she has no business contacting you after you told her - in no uncertain terms - not to. Your marriage, your daughter, your relationship with her father, etc... is none of her business.
Yeah I agree about enforcing the restraining order, but you do not need to contact her in any way or communicate with her in any way to do so. Let the authorities do the "talking".
I wouldn't warn her or respond at all. Just contact whomever it is that is necessary to get that ball a rollin.
No restraining order. In an email fight over a year ago I told her never to contact me again or i would file a restraining order. Almost a year ago she tried to tell XH (then H) that someone in my family was doing a background search on him and she was "worried". I almost filed one then but my dad advised me to just let it be and focus on the bankruptcy and divorce.
I can't file one until she threatens me or pulls some kind of stunt where I feel I or DD is in any kind of danger. Which I am not. Things have been pretty quiet for about a year wtih the exception of a few stupid comments on FB, about DD, but nothing at all like threatening my work or business like she did in our last email fight.
Ah, ok I didn't remember it right. I would simply respond "Please don't contact me again. Any further attempt at contact will be considered harassment." or something of that nature. I wouldn't address any of the things she said because then you are feeding the crazy.
Oh, & I kind of think this is just a precursor to her going all BSC on you - doesn't that seem to be her MO - trying to be friendly and/or asking for help & then attempting to manipulate & finally going all insane...?
Just ignore her then. Honestly I wouldn't even talk to your EX about it anymore than you already have. He may tell her what you say and then she is still getting a reaction from you via him.
Yep. Pretty much!
If she really is finding peace in her life and all is well - that's wonderful. It really is. But I'm sorry XSD, I don't see real change ever happening in you and I just don't buy it.
"Temporary permanent temporary, your children are temporary, your marriage is permanent, and your struggles are temporary."
Does anyone else find this comment weird? My child is not temporary in my life. Maybe they are in XH's family...but not mine. My child will forever be a part of my life no matter what. There won't be any crazyass disowning and not talking to each other going on.
I think it may be referring to the bible verse that is something like:
23The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
but I'm not religious or BSC so take that with a grain of salt.
LMAO! Well that came quicker to your head that it did mine, and I spent some time in XH's Baptist Church which did a lot of that.
Gawwwwwd. She's becoming one of those. XH's family - and BM too for that matter are really good at going to the bible and reciting God's word, or claiming that "God teaches us that..." in order to justify their actions or to guilt you about how they feel you wronged them.
This is so classic of that family.
Don't you just love those that manipulate even the BIBLE to their own best use?
UGH!
If I had a $1 every time they pulled this crap....
*puke*
Like I said, I grew up religious. I still am. I just dont think it's appropriate or my business to push it on someone else for any reason at all.
AMEN! ;-)I have never heard of this, but I can see where a normal person might think it... kind of - if you think about it in the sense that your child will eventually grow up & have a life of their own. I don't mean that you'll be completely uninvolved or anything, just that they will be independent; whereas in a traditional marriage you supposed to be with your spouse forever.
I am not saying that I think she is sane... I think she heard it somewhere & is twisting the meaning to goad you.
I re-read it and she is pushing buttons everywhere while trying to tell me she has forgiven me. That's not forgiveness. And I haven't forgiven her yet.
I know I need to. I'm just not there yet. Someday. But I'm not going to write her about it. I don't need her to know that I've let go and I'm past this. If I do, then I'm opening myself back up to her. It's a sign of weakness and an open door to them. And I'm not opening that door to them again. Ever. Even when I am at peace with this.
I can't afford it, and my daughter doesn't need it and I do not ever see them changing. I can still be at peace and keep the door shut.
Oh that is absolutely what I got out of it.
This is an attempt to instigate a problem. I wonder if you could get a no contact order or something without even having to respond to her. I don't know if that is the same thing as a restraining order or something different?
Here's how I feel about the restraining order.
This is nothing. I can handle this. What I can't handle is her calling me a c*nt, threatening me, DD, my business, etc. Which she's done. And that's when I told her to not contact me or DD again.
If for any reason it starts turning dark..I won't hesitate. While it's a veiled attempt at getting my goat and manipulating me again - it's still a friendlier message and somewhat of an apology. That won't fly and for me to request a no contact or to get a restraining order will make me look ridiculous.
My lawyer and the law would look at me and say, "This is nothing. Come back to me when she really threatens you."
While she has made digs at me on FB and at DD on XH's facebook, she hasn't contacted me directly since April of 2012. This is not harrassment yet.
You are right.... it would probably do that. It just irritates me when people find new ways to harass people that won't get them any repercussions.
In that case, follow everyone else's advice instead & ignore her.
Ignoring her will TOTALLY piss her off.
:insert wicked step mother laughter:
Make that a cackle.riabiron - I just did that here! I feel immensely better and now I just find humor in her email.
I did block her old email, but she now has a new one with her married name. I'll just add it to the list.
This was the first thing that caught my eye. WTF, Children are permanent, marriage (can be) temporary. Nutcase. I'm with everyone else. Don't respond. Keep it in your BSC file. If she emails again trying to start shit because you didn't respond, file for a RO.
I stand corrected. Apparently children with food allergies and asthma ARE in face "special needs". Her son has both.
The second oldest is seriously f*cked up from the sexual abuse he experienced from his mom's boyfriend. He is a serious concern. No lie. Like future molester or serial killer. I am not exaggerating. He is very screwed up. And they gave him little or no counselling. Hopefully they are now, but maybe they are praying to God to fix and cure him and He will do wonderful things in that regard. Anyway - apparently mental health issues are also "Special Needs".
My bad.
Ditto Sprky.
The only person in that family you need to have contact with is your exH. Even your DD's half-siblings are HIS responsibility to keep connected (if they are not specifically prohibited, as in your case).
If you reply to ex-SD, it will show her that to get a response from you, she needs only to send you an email. I would not even tell exH that she contacted you, unless he asks. It will only get back to her that she has space in your head - exactly what she wants!
I got a similar "forgiveness" from DH's stepmom (dying, told me through her caregiver "all was forgiven."). Uh, ok, thanks. I'll remember that one. Pack warm for where you're headed, lady!