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October 2012 Moms
GraysMama104
member
ok, here it is-my work guilt vent
GraysMama104
member
ok, per my post earlier, I wanted to post this on Saturday but it's hard for me to post long posts on the weekends on mobile.
Anyway, in our case we are lucky enough to have my MIL to watch the baby while we're at work. Although I sometimes question things she does and the "well this is how I did it" comments, I know we are lucky to have free day care. I don't want that to be mistaken. I struggle greatly with the fact that I feel like someone else is raising my son. I can't be sure whether I would feel this way if he were in daycare elsewhere or not. For example, we have a tough time with naps. Every single weekend, it's a battle trying to get him to nap. I've talked to my MIL about this saying I need her to try to get him on a nap schedule of some sort. But nothing has gotten better. Every single weekend, here I am listening to him scream for 10 mins in his crib when it's "nap time" (which I've designated as right after his mid-morning and afternoon bottles). He will NOT go down for a nap unless it's him basically passing out while you're holding him. I feel like at this age, he needs to start to learn when it's nap time based off of us...meaning the adults. He should be PUT DOWN FOR A NAP, not just fall asleep once he gets tired enough. The kicker - he naps at my MIL's. Now, I'm not there during the day, so is she putting him down after bottles like I told her or is she waiting for him to just fall asleep and calling that putting him down for a nap and also, where is he napping? is he napping in the pack n play like he should be. Or is she holding him the entire time? I ask this because we've had numerous conversations with her about holding him too much or running to pick him up with every sound he makes. Either way, it makes me feel like he'll nap for her and not for me. He eats better there than he does at home. She's always saying what a great mood he's in, then we get him home and he's cranky. Am I just a total control freak??? Why do I feel like he likes it better there than at home?? is it natural to feel like he loves her more than me?? I just want to know my son better than anyone....I want to know how to put him down for a nap....I want to feed him his favorite meals...and play his favorite games with him. But I only have that option on the weekends. I want to raise MY son. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ok, here it is-my work guilt vent
Thanks everyone. I was glad to see so many responses this morning.
I do understand that we're very lucky to have someone who cares about our son as much as she does to watch him...and for free no less. Please do not misunderstand how grateful I am for that. But when some of you say you'd trade the money for that, I think you need to walk a day in my shoes. When I communicate how I want something done, it goes in one ear and out the other. And she does what she wants. Then, I need to adjust my parenting to her ways.
However, the point of my post was not to complain about how my MIL does things. Not at all. if he were in daycare I would feel the exact same way. During the day at work, I feel a lot of guilt. Guilt that I'm not with him, that we have too much debt for me to stay home with him, that when he's saying his first words he's going to confuse what she wants to be called, Grandmama with Mama and say Mama to him. It KILLS me!!! so this goes beyond being told I need to feel lucky that I have free daycare.
@angelacz87, THIS is what I needed to hear. But I just need to believe that he knows who his mama is because THAT is what I'm struggling with. It's not so much about the "raising" part or the free daycare or who's playing with him instead of me during the day. It's the sentiment of it all.
Am I rambling, does this even make sense at this point? I think I need a support group. lol
***sorry, that wasn't supposed to sound nasty. I feel like it did. I'm just trying to make sure you understand. I just want what is best for my son...and I feel like that is me staying home with him and unfortunately it's not an option.
So sad. My husband has volunteered to get an overnight job and let me get a part time job instead of full time. I'm not willing to sacrafice our family being a family and seeing each other, so here we sit. It really is upsetting. But I'm glad I'm not alone.
@LauraT25 Perhaps I didn't. And perhaps you're getting just a little bit more defensive than you need to be. No one said you had a problem with reading comprehension.