Feeling some kinda way.

GraysMama104 · August 2013

So lately, I feel like everytime I post something or reply to something, someone jumps down my throat or calls me stupid. For example, I posted something about having "working mom guilt" and all people took away from it was that they thought I was complaining about how my MIL takes care of my son and since I have free daycare I should just be quiet. Or today, someone asked about birthday budgets. I said we aren't able to have a low-budget birthday because our apartment is very small and immediate/close family and close friends is 50 people.

I don't know, maybe it's just the way things can come across differently on a forum than if you were talking face to face. But I feel as though sometimes we can be a bit judgy of each other....myself included. And I've seen this judgement not just on replies to me. Maybe it's just because everyone has been keeping up with this board since we were all pregnant and I just started in a little while ago.

Anywho, I do enjoy this board and sharing advice/tips with everyone. I just always listened to my Mom when she said "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

GraysMama104 · August 2013

@thisisbrea - thank you. I definitely always expect everyone to have their own opinions....isn't that what message boards are for after all?

I just think that sometimes things could be worded a little nicer. Again, myself included here. Or maybe like I said I'm reading things wrong and taking things personally that I shouldn't be. I think eventually when I stop feeling like an "outsider" and a part of the group, it might be easier. I wish I had started following the board sooner so I'd have more of a relationship with people here and be able to read people better.

Mrs.RockyM · August 2013

I will say that part of one of the reasons we all like the internet is that it's anonymous. Part of the anonymity is people being really honest. I personally think that spending a lot of money (while not ideal) is ok for a 1st birthday if you have no other options, others can (and clearly some do!) think it's the stupidest thing in the entire world. Unfortunately tact can be thrown out the window when you're not responding to people, but to text boxes, but it's just a response. Take it for what it is, another opinion. We all come from different places and think different things.

I've been around the bump for a while, and I really like this board. We have our moments, but we're relatively drama free. Don't take it personally. I promise, if people didn't like you, they just wouldn't respond to your posts!

GraysMama104 · August 2013

piffle42 said:

There's no tone on the internet. Just try to assume the best and the answers may come across differently. I think when people second guess their opinions or if they're doing everything right they are more likely to think others are being negative too.

well that's me maybe. I still haven't found my Mommy confidence yet and second guess myself a lot.

Mrs.RockyM · August 2013

LauraT25 said:

Mrs.RockyM said:

I will say that part of one of the reasons we all like the internet is that it's anonymous. Part of the anonymity is people being really honest. I personally think that spending a lot of money (while not ideal) is ok for a 1st birthday if you have no other options, others can (and clearly some do!) think it's the stupidest thing in the entire world. Unfortunately tact can be thrown out the window when you're not responding to people, but to text boxes, but it's just a response.

This always really irks me. I promise you, this is how I talk to people IRL. I appreciate it when people are honest with me, and my friends appreciate that about me. Sure, some people are more brazen and troll just because they are hiding behind anonymity, but considering that we are talking about THIS board, I don't see a lot of that going on. I think what you see is what you get here.

Ok, I didn't word that correctly. I think people are just as honest as they are IRL, but sometimes when things are written in an email or on a post, the tone of what they're saying can be misinterpreted. It just comes off way differently than they intend. There's one lady at my office that always sends these emails that appear to be flaming emails, but it's just how she writes.

wesleycrusher · August 2013

ThisIsBrea said:
That makes more sense, tone is definitely lost on here.

QFT.

lady dixneuf · August 2013

wait, all I said was that I'd never heard of anyone doing that...that CERTAINLY wasn't jumping down your throat. I'm busy at work and don't have time to get into it but this was a one-off comment. Was I being judgy? Maybe within the confines of my mind but my comment was not as such, especially in the context of the discussion specifically about these things. Was it mean? absolutely not. Should I have not said anything? I suppose so but I was also participating in the discussion. I am not going to alter my opinions out of fear that I maybe could possibly slightly offend someone. I am not going to apologize only bc I feel like I'd be manipulated into doing it. And I can assure you 100% I am this way in real life. And I am not by any means mean.

I also think you are reading way WAY WAY too much into it. It almost sounds like you're looking to be offended, honestly. There is a huge difference between disagreement and condemning you as a person. You are totally welcome here. I've been around for a while and I am not keeping tabs on who is new and who isn't. I honestly have no idea. I am not keeping track.

GraysMama104 · August 2013

LauraT25 said:

Also, I didn't touch on this from the original post but: I feel like I have only seen people disagree with you twice, @GraysMama104 . I wouldn't call it jumping down your throat, and the only reason I remember the other one is because you made a big deal out of it - until you posted that you felt like you had been attacked in the thread about working/MIL drama, I didn't think there was anything negative going on.

So, making an entire post to complain about people disagreeing with you is a bit martyr-ish.

Guess so

GraysMama104 · August 2013

Again, just the tone, or lack thereof I guess

GraysMama104 · August 2013

lady dixneuf said:

wait, all I said was that I'd never heard of anyone doing that...that CERTAINLY wasn't jumping down your throat. I'm busy at work and don't have time to get into it but this was a one-off comment. Was I being judgy? Maybe within the confines of my mind but my comment was not as such, especially in the context of the discussion specifically about these things. Was it mean? absolutely not. Should I have not said anything? I suppose so but I was also participating in the discussion. I am not going to alter my opinions out of fear that I maybe could possibly slightly offend someone. And I can assure you 100% I am this way in real life. And I am not by any means mean.

I also think you are reading way WAY WAY too much into it. It almost sounds like you're looking to be offended, honestly. There is a huge difference between disagreement and condemning you as a person.

Again, that's the reason of this post. Was just saying how I feel. I feel like sometimes the tone, or lack thereof, is a little harsh in here. It's probably me being too sensitive I guess. I'll try to not take things as personally anymore
:x

navyandviolet · August 2013

Tone is really difficult to read on the internets. So if you are feeling defensive or someone else is feeling disagreeable then it will feel like they are jumping down your throat. Even though they (or you) may feel like you are trying to validate a point of view. Water off a ducks bath. Nothing yopu have ever said has made me feel judgmental of you. Voice your opinions and be strong in them. They are vaild.

lady dixneuf · August 2013

I get the impression you have self esteem issues. Once upon a time I had to work on this stuff too. Ill share this gem, needing validation or reassur

GraysMama104 said:

piffle42 said:

There's no tone on the internet. Just try to assume the best and the answers may come across differently. I think when people second guess their opinions or if they're doing everything right they are more likely to think others are being negative too.

well that's me maybe. I still haven't found my Mommy confidence yet and second guess myself a lot.

I just saw this.

make no mistake, this lack of confidence and second guessing may drive others crazy. own who you are. don't assume you're being attacked or questioned. Even if you ARE, it's fine. I actually have NO issues with tone on here. And people come down on me (as you just did here) all the the time. The thing is, I just don't care. I know I am a great mom and a good person.

Pro tip: I used to be a little like this long ago. I see now it was super effing burdensome and annoying to others bc I constantly needed to be reassured, etc. I was searching for ways to prove that I was being harmed etc. and in the process I ended up doing way more harm. Navelgazing gets old fast.

LorMor · August 2013

When one is feeling attacked one tends to only remember the negatives and not the positives. What about that post where everyone was suggesting party themes for your LO? There was a whole lot of love etc there.

lady dixneuf · August 2013

LorMor said:

When one is feeling attacked one tends to only remember the negatives and not the positives. What about that post where everyone was suggesting party themes for your LO? There was a whole lot of love etc there.

which, for the record, I STARTED!

stephcarter · August 2013

Like everyone else said, don't take things too personally. If everyone here agreed on everything, this board would be so boring!!! Unless you do something really really crazy that could easily be considered child abuse by some, you've got nothing to worry about.

Relax!

Rachelilly23 · August 2013

The other ladies have given you some great advice. Relax, try to be more confident, and don't immediately get defensive just because of a disagreement or a question posed. Everyone here is extremely insightful and fun. They will help you when you ask for it, but also tell it to you straight. When you read the board, just be more conscious of how you are feeling at the moment. It may be more likely to affect how you feel when you read certain types of responses. Just take a deep breath and remember there's a lot of good stuff here.

GraysMama104 · August 2013

The thing is, IRL I actually have very thick skin and it takes a lot to offend me. For some reason when it has anything to do with my son or momming, etc I become more sensitive. Self esteem issues....I guess. I will most certainly do my best not to take things too personally, take things I feel are worded rudly with a grain of salt and take the good with the bad should I choose to get involved in any posts.

And while we're being honest, which is what I'm told this board is and while I'm getting my confidence, which is what I've been told to do. Things like this are just a little too immature in my book. (Hey, can't fault me for giving you what you asked for)

"You all are BITCHES!!! WHY NO ONE LOVE ME??? STOP JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT???? I'm GOING TO GBCB!!!! EVERYONE IS SO MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!"

stephcarter · August 2013

GraysMama104 said:
"You all are BITCHES!!! WHY NO ONE LOVE ME??? STOP JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT???? I'm GOING TO GBCB!!!! EVERYONE IS SO MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!"

But that's how I kind of interpreted your original post.... Not trying to be mean, just saying!!

Like I said before though, relax!!

GraysMama104 · August 2013

Totally fine. I understand the interpretation and I probably would've read it the same way if I were you. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to interpret that post as immature either. So there ya go. No worries, I'm all good. I'll just adjust how I take things from now on.

GraysMama104 · August 2013

Can I just delete this post? seriously, you guys are just dragging this on. If you took my post to be childish, go right ahead. In my original post, I questioned how people responded to things on this board and stated my OPINION was that sometimes it seems a little rough. An opinion in which I'm perfectly entitled to, as are you. You all answered with a resounding "get over it and stop taking things so personally". I have taken your advice and admited that I may have been overly sensitive and per my last post, everything is just fine.

GraysMama104 · August 2013

Will do....I was totally ignoring this all morning. Actually, I had stuff to do at work for once (we've been super dead lately!) but I kept seeing responses.

Oh well, all done

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Uh, lol to this whole post. This is probably one of the most tame BMB on the bump.

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