So much for thinking positively...

MJC1116 · August 2013

The other night I had a dream that one of my co-workers announced at a staff meeting that she was pregnant and over 5 months along. I woke up feeling happy for her but sad for me.

Then I realized I'm going to be seeing her tomorrow. A friend at work invited a few of us over to her house to swim. Those of us who have kids are bringing the little ones. My co-worker is super sweet and I'd definitely be happy for her. She started trying last year around this time, maybe September, and got pregnant right away. She announced it early because we were going on vacation and she wanted everyone to know. But she hadn't been to the doctor yet. Well, it ended up being a blighted ovum, I think, and it was obviously really upsetting for her, especially since she had announced already.

I waited a little bit and then opened up to her and told her that I had been dealing with some IF issues and that I was praying for her. She said that she and her husband were going to take some time to heal and then start trying again in the spring.

Soooo... all that build up for this. I have a feeling she may be announcing a pregnancy, which of course I am thrilled for her. But, there's that little piece of me that feels.. I don't know, jealous? Sad? Doubtful? Anybody have any tips for how I can prepare to cope with such news if, of course, it happens?

KC1212 · August 2013

I have lots of expierence in this deptartment! In the 4 years of trying for number 1 I had...hang on had to count...5 friends and 3 relatives announce plus every damn bump in a 3 mile public radius. So with that said, yes you're gonna feel jealous. It's normal. I promise. You'll feel happy for her and like sh*t for yourself.

If you think it's coming that's a good thing. So much better (IMO) than being completely blindsided with it.

Here's how I always dealt with it:

1.) I learned to fake a smile and say congrats and then ask all the socially appropriate questions how ya feeling, when are you due, etc.

2.) (obviously you can't do this ttc) but have a beer! Because she can't !

3.) and this is the cowards way out and I do not endorse this method but, I eventually just isolated myself from every pregnant function

4.) towards the end I became numb to it. The negative tests, the announcements, the bumps

5.) retail therapy.

6.) when situations like that hit I had to mentally build myself up to it and then spend the next 24-48 hours mentally recovering from it.

my advice stinks. If she announces it's gonna hurt. Just prepare yourself for it and be ready to smile. Just do something nice for yourself when you leave the function.

I think your "day" will come any day now. really.

I also feel like it is Ok to protect your mental and emotional health. If you have a shower or something to go to and know it will rip you to shreds: send a gift and send your regrets. It's not worth it.

KC1212 · August 2013

I think this is where you break out a comedy movie when you get home and eat some junk food.

MJC1116 · August 2013

Thanks KC. I seriously think in a past life we were friends.

Your post really helped...

I am sooo happy for my friend at work if this is the case. For whatever reason, even though I have struggled so much in 2 years, I have not yet had one (known) miscarriage and for that I am extremely grateful. I think it would destroy me. For my friend at work, I know that she was really torn up by the experience and I want her to feel joyous. But, I feel like my reaction to any announcement comes across as feigned. I'm happy but trying not to give myself away, so I think it comes across as forced. I just wanted to know how to prepare myself for that. I think anticipating it is the biggest thing.

I guess I'm also afraid that the conversation will turn to me at some point. Because that's happened before too. I feel like since I'm a teacher, I'm under a microscope and have been asked countless times "When are you planning on having another?" or told "It's time for you to have another." And it's always so casual, but it still is uncomfortable. So I don't want it to turn from my friend's pregnancy to me with "Hey when are you going to have another?" Or "I think E needs a little sibling." I haven't been forthcoming with my other friends at work other than to say I was having trouble. I did open up big time to a "friend" who had a miscarriage, but seemed like every time I wanted to talk about it, she just changed the subject. That hurt because I was really there for her when she was dealing with her loss. So I don't talk to her about it anymore.

Anyways, sorry for the long a* response!

Just wanted to say thanks. I have a list of movies to start watching while DD is napping today to get me ready for tomorrow!

MJC1116 · August 2013

And thank you for your reassurance. I have really good feelings about this cycle, which has never happened to me before. I'm always a negative nelly.

KC1212 · August 2013

If she questions about your status and you feel comfortable with it : I would simply say "I'm staying positive" and tactfully change the subject back to her pregnacy (or th weather

)

KC1212 · August 2013

if I had a FB I would friend request you! I'll give you a personal email if you would like (via pm)

I'm not sure what your real name is but in my head I call you "Mary Jane" LMBO.