How would you deal

minervacullen · August 2013

Mil has made some comments that kind of piss me off. A few weeks ago DD was eating and mil goes "not too much now, ladies need to keep their figure." She said it in a sing song voice. I gave her a look and went on with my day. She said the girls need to keep their figure thing again in response to DD playing, she looked like she was doing yoga. That time it bothered me a bit. Then today I wanted to measure DD to see how tall she is. When I did it Mil said "oh pretty soon you'll be checking your waist to be sure it stays the right size, after all a lady needs to keep her figure!" Then she chuckled. Now I'm pissed. I used to be crazy thin, I'm not now. My sil is a model. 5'11" way into fashion.... You get the idea. I feel mediocre at best during family functions now. I mean when I was a size 2, even an 8 or 10, I still felt good about myself. Now I'm stretching a 16. I HATE it. DH and my BFF used to work out with me, they know I won't do it on my own, now they are both busy and I don't have anyone to workout with. I know it's an excuse, but I've always been that way, I need a partner.

I do not want dd being self conscious about her body, my mom is such a negative nancy as far as that goes and I hated my body growing up. I could find a million things wrong, but nothing right. I look back at photos of me at 19-22 ish and I looked damn good, he'll I even had a six pack, but I still hated myself then.

What do I say to mil?! I know she's going to say that dd doesn't get it yet, but she will. Mil tends to be sensitive yet not. Like she's sensitive, but was a farm girl growing up and thinks nothing of shooting a pet if they need to be put down. Make sense?
I'm rambling....

minervacullen · August 2013

Let me clarify, I hated all of my flaws, but knew I was in shape, and didnt feel less than others. My brain is blah today.

kerbear135 · August 2013

I would make DH talk to her. I would have him let her know that you all know she isn't doing it to be ugly, but that comments like that may cause DD to have self confidence issues later in life and you would appreciate it if she's curb that kind of talk. Or, you could be passive agreesive about it, and every time she makes that comment say to DD in the same sing-songy voice "you'll always be beautiful regardless of your waist size". Or both, lol.

kescalera · August 2013

Tell her you don't appreciate the comments and you're trying to raise DD to understand that being a good person is more important than being a shallow, appearances-only person. I am also very critical of myself and have major body-image issues but I'm lucky enough that my family and DH will not only support me no matter what I look like but they will also jump in a defend me if someone else says something passive aggressive like that.

Don't know what you're MIL looks like but I'd hand her a carrot or piece of celery every time she says that & say "Well, then, here's your daily allowance in calories!"

JessAnnJ · August 2013

That's a tough one. I would definitely wait until you have time to focus on a one on one conversation. Maybe you can relate it back to your childhood. Say I know you do not mean anything by it, and DD is still young, but I heard a lot of comments about weight and body image when I was young and that caused me to be overcritical of myself. Because of my experience this is something I'm sensitive about. I want to make sure that DD has a positive body image no matter what her size. So even though I know you do not mean it to be hurtful, I would appreciate it if you didn't make comments like that around me or DD.

Edit to add - I suggested you talk to her directly because this may be something that would be difficult for your DH to accurately convey.

Jackiemxoxo · August 2013

I would wait to see if she makes the comment again and then gently say that it is more important that dd feel good about her body image than the size of her waist. I think its difficult because some women are really old school and I had a grandmother who was like this and would constantly get on my mom about my sister's size. She wasn't even over weight, she was just a little chubby as a kid. However, you as the mom will have the most influence over how dd feels about herself so I wouldn't worry too much.

minervacullen · August 2013

Thanks ladies. Mil is very very thin, drinks two gallons if coffee a day, only eats a yogurt for lunch, type if person.

myskyegirl · August 2013

Once I could maybe see as a joke or trying to be cute, but to repeat it several more times not cute anymore. I'd take her to the side and say "mil I know you think you talking about having a small waist and watching what Lo eats is cute right now, but as she gets older things like that will not be tolerated. Teens have enough issues and you don't want weight and calorie counting to be one of them."

lawjjg522 · August 2013

prncebride said:
Once I could maybe see as a joke or trying to be cute, but to repeat it several more times not cute anymore. I'd take her to the side and say "mil I know you think you talking about having a small waist and watching what Lo eats is cute right now, but as she gets older things like that will not be tolerated. Teens have enough issues and you don't want weight and calorie counting to be one of them."

Not even teens! It starts in elementary school now!s

Fullcircle06 · August 2013

Oh I would definitely say something. You could either take a more direct approach and bring it up yourself and say that you don't want your daughter to have a negative self image, and you'd appreciate it if she refrained from making comments like that in front of her. Or, you could wait until she says it again (which it sounds like she will) and make a comment then. I can definitely see how this would bother you. Ugh!

jsoubel · August 2013

I felt very moved by what you said above. I think if you explain it to her in the same way, she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully respect your request. it's possible that she doesn't really realize that she's saying it, know what i mean? Then again, if she's like my MIL, you might have to get all up in her face about it.

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