How to prepare DH?

KTdidit · August 2013

I am determined to do my best to have an unmedicated, intervention-free birth. The hospital that my doctors deliver at doesn't have things like a labor tub, midwife services, etc so I asked DH when he wanted to tour two other hospitals int he area that do offer those more "hippie" things (in DH's words). He said that its up to me since I'll be the one having the baby. This makes me a little nervous that he won't completely be there for me in the supporting way that I'll need. He's very excited about the baby, its his first, but I'm not sure that he is aware of how much I'll really need his emotional support. He usually goes along with what is most known/accepted by society, in this case an epidural and hospital-led birth. While I'm striving for a non medicated self led birth. He is aware of what I want I'm just not sure he completely understands. I'm hoping to transfer to a midwife so I know that there are classes that they offer. What else do you suggest in the way of preparation for DH?

sschwege · August 2013

Your husband kind of sounds like mine was in the beginning. He didn't really have a strong opinion either way, who can really blame them, most men don't sit around thinking about these things till it's staring them in the face!

The first thing we did was to watch "The Business of Being Born". That really helped to introduce him to the world of low-intervention births. We also took a Hypnobirthing class which also helped. You could always look into hiring a doula. We didn't have a doula, but both times we had a second support person with us. The first time it was my MIL who had both of her babies med-free. The second time it was my mom, who used to be a nurse and had no problem advocating for what I wanted/needed.

shelbywilliams · August 2013

I second watching the BoBB with your DH. Mine was on the fence about natural birth (he was more afraid of seeing me in pain), and that documentary was the perfect stepping stone to get him to see how brainwashed the American public is about birth. That really got things rolling.

You and your DH sound like perfect candidates for the Bradley Method - which focuses on intervention-free, highly educated, husband-coached childbirth. It really empowers the daddies to be part of the process rather than just spectators, and it's really eye opening to go through the course together. If he's not the kind of guy that will naturally have those conversations with you about birth choices, this class kind of forces you by way of homework assignments, study questions, planning, etc. I highly recommend finding a Bradley instructor in your area and signing up for the course - which lasts 12 weeks. It turned by hubby from a doubter into the biggest cheerleader for me.
I was even overheard him talking about our birth plans to someone who asked him and he said something like "It seems like when we hear about a lot of our friend's births, it was something that happened to them, rather than something that they DID."

aylafsu88 · August 2013

Your H sounds like mine was. I signed us up for the Bradley classes and we ended up loving them. My H is not the type to read about birth on his own. The classes were a great way for him to get the information from a knowledgeable source. Midway through our classes he became very pro-natural birth. It was amazing and he did a great job in L&D. I also had a doula. I knew that my H was prepared but we wanted to have an extra support person just in case. She really helped him help me and reminded us of things we had forgotten. If you have the option for a doula I would highly recommend one!

SweetPeaK26 · August 2013

My dh was the same way, but he ended up being a great support (though I couldn't do it without the epi after all). I just had to give him specific instructions: "talk me out of the epidural 3 times" and "just keep asking me what I need you to do". And he did.

Fwiw, we watched business of being born, and it turned dh more against home births. He was so POed at the biasness of it, and how hospitals are portrayed etc.

sschwege · August 2013

laceydhs06 said:

I think maybe a happy medium is form you guys to find a doctor that is a fan of birth and can support you on it. That way he still has the piece of mind of having a physician but you can get more educated on having a natural birth. I was able to find a ton of videos out there on the pros and coins of natural birth but I think in the end every story is different and every expierence is different just because the natural approach works for one person it doesn't mean it will work for another. I also think maybe showing him you want to be serious about a natural birth start showing him natural products and explain to him what there used for and why you need them or will need them. I think slowly incorporating small things into your guys life may be better than going from a typical ob s office to midwife .

There are MWs who work with OBs. This is the case with the MWs who caught both my babies. They worked in the same office and consulted with each other.

Arielle27 · August 2013

My husband was not terribly interested in any of the pregnancy stuff when we were expecting our first. Still, he suffered through hypnobirthing classes with me and did absorb some of the info... Lol

I was so worries that he'd be an absent presence in the birth, but when push came to shove (literally), I was amazed at how unbelievably supportive he was!

It just showed that he didn't have to read all the books or do the meditation exercises... All he needed to do was listen to me about my preferences and know what was important to me and to just be there with me every minute!

I do think it was important for him to do the hospital tour, just so that in the craziness of the moment he knew were he was.

Now, as we are expecting our third any time, he has, despite himself, become a doubt of knowledge on all things pregnancy-related, and an advocate of natural birth (to the extent that it is the safest choice), and even offers his opinions, experiences and knowledge to friends expecting for the first time!

KTdidit · August 2013

Thanks for the reassuring advice everyone! Depending on what hospital we end up going with, we will either have a midwife and doula available to us through the hospital, or I will stick with my current OB and find a doula. I do like the idea of having someone else there for support that could actually help DH help me. I'll have to research the Bradley/hypnobirthing classes and the movie too. I think it might be good for him to watch. While he does tend to follow the flow of society, he also doesn't believe in medicating people when not totally necessary (for instance ADD and such) so I think he may be easier to convince in that regard. I'm feeling so much mroe confident in this now!

rooftop · August 2013

Ditto all the ladies suggesting business of being born. There's lots of material out there supporting all natural but it's easiest to get a man's attention when he just has to watch a movie instead of read.

mysticl · August 2013

And after you are done watching The Business of Being Born watch More Business of Being Born. It's a miniseries, I'm on episode 2 right now and am loving it.

mysticl · August 2013

Just another thought. Maybe your husband is not giving you an opinion because he doesn't want you to feel pressured to do it his way or for you to feel like he thinks you are wrong if you don't do what he suggests.

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