Community› The Bump Month Clubs› March 2014 Moms
March 2014 Moms
New Discussion
Options

Announcing and NOT being married

JessabellyJessabelly member
in March 2014 Moms
My boyfriend and I are so excited about being pregnant. I have my first US Tues and are planning on telling between then and 12 weeks. I am just worried we will get negative responses since we are not married, esp from HIS family. I think I will have a hard time dealing with that since I'm 28 and he is 36 and we were trying. We love together and will get married but we just wanted those things in a different order! Advice...?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Announcing and NOT being married

  • Options
    kerrymasskerrymass member
    If his family doesn't have anything positive to say, just remove yourself from that situation and let him deal with it.  You don't need the stress.
    Maybe also don't go into the "telling" w/ super high expectations.  If they are conservative, etc. they might have a hard time w/ you not being married and it may just take them a little bit to get excited about the idea.  
    Is there a reason why you want to tell them before the end of the 1st trimester? (Nothing wrong w/ telling them at anytime, just curious because a lot of people seem to wait until the end of the 1st tri)
    I don't think your age difference is a big deal at all.  Congrats!
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Follow Me on Pinterest
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kerrymasskerrymass member
    edited August 2013
    @babycaps - When I suggest removing oneself from the situation, I do not mean not standing by the relationship.  Sorry if it came across that way.  My thought was more that since OP said she would have a hard time dealing w/ the disapproval, that she doesn't need to waste her time and energy listening to it.  
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Follow Me on Pinterest
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    amandoza23amandoza23 member
    My family is the same way...they are extremely conservative and any child born with unmarried parents gets looked down on. My advice would be to just be happy with what you have and where you are in your relationship. Not having a ring on your finger doesn't make your baby any less wanted in this world.
    Anniversary Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    rachbaby1rachbaby1 member

    Most people will (hopefully) surprise you with how much they love babies.  Regardless, feel free not to tell them any details of whether you were trying or not, etc, and steer the marriage questions to questions about them being grandparents.  Good luck!

    Pregnancy Tickerimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    DRFleenerDRFleener member
    Same position here. I have a few superconsverative people in my family/life. I figure when we tell them I already know they won't be excited like the others. I also remind myself of the dr. Seuss quote. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
    image         Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SomersIslesSomersIsles member
    Make sure you and your bf are on the same page with how you feel about the situation and see how he anticipates the reaction and how that makes him feel. Then, just lower your expectations on how people will react and dive in :)
    httpmediaspotcoolstuffcomwp-contentuploads201212bonding-with-baby-humorjpg  http4bpblogspotcom_OHvEyRV8W28SBeOugvAtcIAAAAAAAAAj4TR0m3ZOnFXws20010285B15Djpg  httptommcmahontypepadcomphotosuncategorized20080126safebabygif

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ladyglittersparklesladyglittersparkles member
    Girl enjoy it
    Who cares what anyone else thinks!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AlphaMom82AlphaMom82 member
    There are plenty of crappy parents who ARE married and plenty of wonderful parents that are not. If it works for you...eff 'em. Don't worry about other ppl just that precious little baby and your bf and you making a wonderful life for him/her. Best of luck telling them. :)

    married 9.2007
    dd born 8.2010
    #2 due 3.15.14

    Report Reply
  • Options
    benevolentforcebenevolentforce member
    edited August 2013
    I fear a similar brand of rejection.  My mom is religious, and we are not.  She doesn't even know I'm pregnant, and has already made comments like, "I bought your child their first X type of Bible today." and "I was Googling X churches in your area for you when you have a family.  You don't want the baby to burn in hell!"  Crazy.

    I'm waiting for there to be a guaranteed child in the picture to have the necessary conversations with her, but know they're coming.  I'm not trying to be a downer, but since you know there's a possibility for a negative response, you and your boyfriend may want to discuss ahead of time how you will respond in the moment.  If his parents say something negative, will he take over the conversation?  Will you leave the room/call/etc.?  It's good to have a game plan!

    Lastly, to echo what everyone else has said here - even though it's sad when family members aren't accepting - it's their problem.  Not yours.  Live your life and be happy!  This is a wonderful time in your life, and don't let anyone rain on your parade with their hang-ups. 

    GOOD LUCK! <3
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Derek2014LeslieDerek2014Leslie member
    I am not married either. My bf and I have only been dating for 2 months and I'm 8w. He is so supportive and absolutly cannot wait to be a dad! We had both just gotten out of bad relationships and now here we are! I was engaged to someone for 6 years before I met him and obviously that didn't work out... But I have never been happier than I am now!! And it was really scary telling my parents but they were supportive and are excited! This baby is soooo loved already :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    klutz2005klutz2005 member
    Regarding comments about some people being super conservative and therefore not going to be thrilled, I realize this does not speak for everyone, but sometimes people who have those views may disapprove of the action but can see the blessing in it (in this case, obviously the baby).  Hopefully they can put the focus on the belief that God has a plan for everyone's life and see the miracle of life.
    IAmPregnant Ticker



    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Derek2014LeslieDerek2014Leslie member
    My parents are really conservative and when I told them I was having a baby they were happy and told me that it was a gift from God. And told me its all part of Gods plan! Even though my bf and I have only been dating for 2 months. They totally understand and were not mad at all :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JessabellyJessabelly member
    Thanks everyone! Our plan was to wait until after first trimester to tell anyone but it is getting difficult to hide my sickness and being tired and unmotivated. People are also shocked when I pass up a glass of wine. I feel like I'm living a lie and just want to get it out in the open! I have a feeling negative comments will make me real upset with my emotions right now.. We just bought a house and are buying things and keep getting the " well if you would get married you could register for all of this and not have to buy it" the baby announcement should be to topper on that..
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"