No clue what to do about preschool next year

CrocusPocus · August 2013

My son is 3 years old (will be 4 in November) and autistic (I'd say medium-functioning. Doesn't have much non-scripted speech beyond simple requests, doesn't seem to understand a lot of what we and others say to him). Last year he attended our town's full-day (8:45 a.m. to 2:15 p.m.) inclusion preschool starting as soon as he turned 3 and aged out of EI. The school was great for him - his teacher had a Master's in Special Ed, he was pulled out of class for weekly OT and speech therapy sessions and also given in-class therapy with his (all typically developing except for one girl with Down Syndrome) classmates. He made great progress both in the speech/academics and social/behavioral realms (though he is still far behind a typical child his age in all respects but physical ones). I was looking forward to DS having two more full years of this preschool before we had to think about Kindergarten and whether he'd be ready/able to attend regular public Kindergarten.

Then, at the end of the school year, we found out the preschool was being reduced to half-day only (8:45 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.), for four-year-olds only. My son will be eligible to attend from day one because of his IEP, even though he'll still be just 3 when the school year starts, but I'm worried that a half-day program isn't enough for him. Our county special services school has an ABA-based autism program that's full-day for preschoolers, as does a state-approved private school in the area, but both of these schools are a solid half-hour away from both my home and my job (I work full-time, M-F, 8:30-5, as does my husband) and will add a lot of time and travel onto our day. A friend of mine who works for another branch of the private school said our district will pay for transportation to the private school, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of sending my 3/4-year-old on a half-hour bus ride alone twice a day.

If we go with the public half-day school, DS will spend the rest of his day with my MIL at her house - a loving and calm environment but not educationally stimulating in any way. I guess we could look into private therapists a few times a week to come to my MIL's house, if we could afford any. I just feel like the full-day programs at the two special schools seem like so much to put on him at such a young age. But at the same time, I know it's our obligation to do everything we can for him as early as possible so he can reach his full potential. I hate having to make these types of decisions. I'm so jealous of parents of NT kids who can just pick whatever daycare/preschool they like best for their kids and not worry that if they choose the wrong program they're ruining their child's future.

I was considering trying a year (or even a half-year) of the half-day program and then switching to one of the more intensive programs if we feel his progress has stalled, but am I just kidding myself thinking 2.5 hours a day is enough? Do I need him to be getting 5+ hours of help each day, even at this young age? I know you guys can't answer for me, I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has faced a similar difficult decision about schooling for their 3/4-year-old ASD child when the goal (however unrealistic it may be) is for him/her to go to regular school for Kindergarten.

Thanks for reading.

MirandaHobbes · August 2013

Busing has been a necessary evil for us from day 1 since DH and I both work FT. My son was 20 months old the first time we put him on a school bus to go to his EI program! It was agonizing! His bus ride was 40 minutes each way, every day. I fretted and worried about busses every single day. But I knew that DS needed as much therapy as possible. The bus worries turned out to be pretty unfounded. Yes, it was a long day- but the bus actually served as a "break" for him- he often napped. It got him used to a lot of transitions. He'll be in full day kindy this year, and I know it'll be no problem for him (he'll actually be in school for LESS time than he is currently). He also thought the bus was pretty darn cool, and even as a 5 year old he has never complained about it. At my son's current private ASD school there are several kids who have district-funded transportation- they are all transported by minivan or van, and its all hand-to-hand. DS was on a "short" bus with an aide watching over 4-5 kids. I would keep an open mind to this option!

CrocusPocus · August 2013

Thanks for the bus feedback! I guess I was letting all the horror-story news articles about ASD kids left all alone on buses get the best of me. I'm glad to hear about someonr having a positive experience with busing such a young child.

bumpuser511563 · August 2013

My DS loves the bus! They have an aide and the bus driver in DS's bus!

I do worry over the 2.5 hours Monday-Thursday school day with some therapies 30 minutes a week. DS has been in preschool for the past 2 years and I have had to supplement 6 hours of private therapies.

This year they are starting the autism class in DS's school. So I am worried I may still have to supplement. I am still waiting for the teacher to notify me of the open house.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

Sailor Saturn said:

My DS loves the bus! They have an aide and the bus driver in DS's bus!

I do worry over the 2.5 hours Monday-Thursday school day with some therapies 30 minutes a week. DS has been in preschool for the past 2 years and I have had to supplement 6 hours of private therapies.

This year they are starting the autism class in DS's school. So I am worried I may still have to supplement. I am still waiting for the teacher to notify me of the open house.

Yes, I feel like if we just go with the half-day school we'll have no choice but to supplement with more therapy b/c there's no way the half day would be enough. But if the school will pay for the full day at the private school (which my friend told me they would but I don't know how true that is), why would I pay for therapy, you know? Ugh, so many decisions.

My friend also recommended a professional advocate - do I need an advocate? Can't I just advocate for my son myself? Then again, I bet the school will fight me trying to get DS sent to one of the other two schools and will try to say the half-day preschool is enough. They already denied my request for ESy by just saying our district doesn't offer it. So many I do need an advocate. But I'm worried about what that would cost. I don't know enough about it.

bumpuser511563 · August 2013

The teacher just called me.

DS's autism class is 8:30 am. - 1:30 pm. Monday-Friday. That is 25 hours of school!

I would push for the ABA school and try to get in.

mommytoconnor · August 2013

I just put my 3 yr old on bus for first time yesterday. The teachers and therapists actually recommended it. It promotes independence. I also was concerned that here I am putting my baby on a bus with strangers. However I was reassured that for the special needs bus, at least in my district, there are never more than 3 kids on a bus, one driver, who is always the same person and a bus aide who is also the same. They do hand to hand transfer. So when you place your child on bus, you hand them over to the aid, they put them in their seat belts and off to school, then the aid from the classroom will meet the bus and take each child off one at a time. There is never a time when one of them doesnt have a hold of the childs hand. I was the crazy stalker mom and yes I followed the bus to school that day. They just laughed and said I wasn't the first and won't be the last. I was also told that these aids and drivers have years and years of experience with special needs and that these are coveted positions, so it's not some newbie who doesn't know what they are doing. It's the hardest thing to trust someone else with your child. But after that first day yesterday he kept asking to go on the bus.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

Auntie, I know everyone loves you here, and I know you're knowledgeable, but I find your brusqueness really off-putting. Thanks for saying you don't think I'm up to the task of advocating for my child just because I accepted the lack of ESY in my district. This is all new to me. I'm doing the best I can. Your comment about the late date was also uncalled for. It was only recently that I found out about the change in hours for the public preschool. Again, doing the best I can. It's great that you have so many years of experience under your belt and that you often use them to provide the board members with information they need, but your tone (at least in your reply to me) was appalling. I spent my entire commute home today crying about the difficulty of this special-needs-parenting thing and how little I know and how much I have to learn. I already feel like an utter failure. Your reply just made it worse.

To those who left helpful feedback and stories of their own experiences, thank you so much. I'm going to keep researching and visit the two alternative schools within the next week and decide from there.

thefuturemrskudla · August 2013

Hi,
I know how you feel, it can be overwhelming. My son will be 4 in October, and it feels like every decision has a ridiculous degree of importance! Just remember, you can pick an option now and then change the IEP if it doesn't work. I had it put in that the team would meet in 60 days of placement to see if another option was more appropriate.
That said, I am a fan of full day preschool. My son is in the deaf and hard of hearing program, and its from 830-300. He loves it and made a lot of progress. The school is far, at least 45 minutes, but I drive him because I am too scared to do the bus. That's just me. But I am not working, so my case is different. Also, we don't have family to help, so I think your MIL being a resource is great.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

"Sorry I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear" is a cop-out "apology." Believe me, I don't have anything I want to hear except the right answers. This wasn't about the message you were conveying, it was about the tone. The end of the school year WAS recent. June 25. All I was told at that time was "we may be switching to half day next year, but we have to wait for the board to make final decisions in August." I was holding onto the word "may" as hope that that might not happen. Then I heard within the past week that yes, the decision was final, the full-day preschool was done for.

Not everyone is of the "fight everything from the get-go" mentality, and it's been difficult for me to reconcile my great experiences with this district growing up in it and never having them steer me wrong with the idea that they might be rushing me out the door/denying that they can provide what my son needs/skirting the laws. Like I said twice in my original reply, IT'S ALL NEW. I'm still wrapping my head around everything while grappling with the fear that decisions about preschool for a 3-year-old may drastically affect the rest of his/my life.

It's just not helpful to say "it would've been better to explore other options sooner." Guess what? I didn't. Something else for me to feel horrible about...neat. I did recruit my son's former behavioral therapist from EI to do private sessions with him all summer, and paid for it OOP. Does that do anything toward proving I'm not a lazy and neglectful special needs parent? We have an IEP meeting at the end of August and I'll voice my concerns then. It's not about LRE for us - it's about the amount of hours of instruction each week. Why waste hours every single day for the next two school years that my son could be getting more instruction/help than his peers and hopefully catching up to them in time for Kindergarten? That was all I was wondering. Wasn't asking for any sugar-coated virtual hugs.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

thefuturemrskudla said:

Hi, I know how you feel, it can be overwhelming. My son will be 4 in October, and it feels like every decision has a ridiculous degree of importance! Just remember, you can pick an option now and then change the IEP if it doesn't work. I had it put in that the team would meet in 60 days of placement to see if another option was more appropriate. That said, I am a fan of full day preschool. My son is in the deaf and hard of hearing program, and its from 830-300. He loves it and made a lot of progress. The school is far, at least 45 minutes, but I drive him because I am too scared to do the bus. That's just me. But I am not working, so my case is different. Also, we don't have family to help, so I think your MIL being a resource is great.

Thanks for the help! That's what I thought - if something isn't working, we get the IEP changed. It's not impossible or unheard-of to get it reopened and fixed mid-year if it's not working for us. It's just hard to know which choice will be best until we've tried them, so it's good to know the IEP isn't set in stone. I agree that we're lucky to have my MIL! I'm so grateful for her help.

finsup · August 2013

First, I don't think your goal of mainstreamed kinder is unrealistic. It's good to have goals, and end point in mind. But you'll also need to be flexible, he may or may not get there, but to have that as a goal is fine. It was my and my DH's goal for our son at age 2 when we started this journey. When we had our IEP meeting last year and discussed this I was stick to my stomach going in because I wasn't sure which way they were going to rec and my DH was adamant about a mainstream class, so I was prepared for a battle. Their rec was a mainstreamed Kinder class, a handful of classroom accommodations and pullouts for OT and Social Skills. It was the best IEP meeting ever.

For us we did a half day integrated special needs preschool program where he got all of his services, and an after-school program at a "typical" center. Our district bussed him from our home to preschool, then from preschool to his after school program. We also implemented twice a week OT privately.

Personally, 2.5 hours a day wouldn't have been enough for my child. Preschool was 4 hours (9:45 - 1:45) and afterschool was from about 2pm - 4:30pm. And while after-school didn't provide any official therapy, I consider it therapeutic in the way that he was forced to adapt to a new class and new kids every day, and he had plenty of structured opportunities to be social with a variety of kids. Too much downtime at home with unstructured activities wouldn't have been a good fit for us.

In the fall he'll go to Kinder then a new afterschool program that is a sports based program with a lot of very structured activity and games. I'm nervous and anxious, but I think it will be good. Ask me about this again in a month!

Despite the extra travel, in your shoes I would seriously consider the full day school even though it is father away. I know the bus can be scary but they (and you) do get used to it and its another opportunity for them to become more independent - which, for lots of ASD kids requires lots of practice. I know it seems like a lot, and your child is young and I know I felt I was forcing him into so much so soon, but the reality for me was that I didn't have the luxury of time and flexibility and the choices that NT parents get - I HAD to do it, because it is what he needed, not what I wanted.

And take heart, this is a marathon not a sprint. If something doesn't work, you can change it up. The summer after our dx I 'wasted' 3 months researching and deciding on a therapy schedule that I thought would work for us. Everyone starts somewhere, I have done hours and hours and hours of reading and asking and talking and learning over the past 3+ years. You will too.

Good Luck!

bumpuser511563 · August 2013

finsup said:

First, I don't think your goal of mainstreamed kinder is unrealistic. It's good to have goals, and end point in mind. But you'll also need to be flexible, he may or may not get there, but to have that as a goal is fine. It was my and my DH's goal for our son at age 2 when we started this journey. When we had our IEP meeting last year and discussed this I was stick to my stomach going in because I wasn't sure which way they were going to rec and my DH was adamant about a mainstream class, so I was prepared for a battle. Their rec was a mainstreamed Kinder class, a handful of classroom accommodations and pullouts for OT and Social Skills. It was the best IEP meeting ever.

For us we did a half day integrated special needs preschool program where he got all of his services, and an after-school program at a "typical" center. Our district bussed him from our home to preschool, then from preschool to his after school program. We also implemented twice a week OT privately.

Personally, 2.5 hours a day wouldn't have been enough for my child. Preschool was 4 hours (9:45 - 1:45) and afterschool was from about 2pm - 4:30pm. And while after-school didn't provide any official therapy, I consider it therapeutic in the way that he was forced to adapt to a new class and new kids every day, and he had plenty of structured opportunities to be social with a variety of kids. Too much downtime at home with unstructured activities wouldn't have been a good fit for us.

In the fall he'll go to Kinder then a new afterschool program that is a sports based program with a lot of very structured activity and games. I'm nervous and anxious, but I think it will be good. Ask me about this again in a month!

Despite the extra travel, in your shoes I would seriously consider the full day school even though it is father away. I know the bus can be scary but they (and you) do get used to it and its another opportunity for them to become more independent - which, for lots of ASD kids requires lots of practice. I know it seems like a lot, and your child is young and I know I felt I was forcing him into so much so soon, but the reality for me was that I didn't have the luxury of time and flexibility and the choices that NT parents get - I HAD to do it, because it is what he needed, not what I wanted.

And take heart, this is a marathon not a sprint. If something doesn't work, you can change it up. The summer after our dx I 'wasted' 3 months researching and deciding on a therapy schedule that I thought would work for us. Everyone starts somewhere, I have done hours and hours and hours of reading and asking and talking and learning over the past 3+ years. You will too.

Good Luck!

A whole lot of us want our kids to be mainstreamed as soon as possible or even be close to being normal.

When DS graduated from EI, I was happy he was out and no more services. And all my problems would be solved with a preschool.

We are starting our 3rd year and final year of preschool and the thought of DS in mainstream kinder was there but not as much as before.

I am starting to hear DS will be mainstreamed at 1st or 2nd grade.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

finsup, thank you for that awesome reply! So helpful and informative. And I loved reading about your best IEP meeting ever - that's awesome. You're right about not having the luxury of time and flexibility and choices - I'm learning to buck up and deal with it! Thanks again and best of luck with your child's new schedule this year.

finsup · August 2013

Sailor Saturn said:

finsup said:

First, I don't think your goal of mainstreamed kinder is unrealistic. It's good to have goals, and end point in mind. But you'll also need to be flexible, he may or may not get there, but to have that as a goal is fine. It was my and my DH's goal for our son at age 2 when we started this journey. When we had our IEP meeting last year and discussed this I was stick to my stomach going in because I wasn't sure which way they were going to rec and my DH was adamant about a mainstream class, so I was prepared for a battle. Their rec was a mainstreamed Kinder class, a handful of classroom accommodations and pullouts for OT and Social Skills. It was the best IEP meeting ever.

For us we did a half day integrated special needs preschool program where he got all of his services, and an after-school program at a "typical" center. Our district bussed him from our home to preschool, then from preschool to his after school program. We also implemented twice a week OT privately.

Personally, 2.5 hours a day wouldn't have been enough for my child. Preschool was 4 hours (9:45 - 1:45) and afterschool was from about 2pm - 4:30pm. And while after-school didn't provide any official therapy, I consider it therapeutic in the way that he was forced to adapt to a new class and new kids every day, and he had plenty of structured opportunities to be social with a variety of kids. Too much downtime at home with unstructured activities wouldn't have been a good fit for us.

In the fall he'll go to Kinder then a new afterschool program that is a sports based program with a lot of very structured activity and games. I'm nervous and anxious, but I think it will be good. Ask me about this again in a month!

Despite the extra travel, in your shoes I would seriously consider the full day school even though it is father away. I know the bus can be scary but they (and you) do get used to it and its another opportunity for them to become more independent - which, for lots of ASD kids requires lots of practice. I know it seems like a lot, and your child is young and I know I felt I was forcing him into so much so soon, but the reality for me was that I didn't have the luxury of time and flexibility and the choices that NT parents get - I HAD to do it, because it is what he needed, not what I wanted.

And take heart, this is a marathon not a sprint. If something doesn't work, you can change it up. The summer after our dx I 'wasted' 3 months researching and deciding on a therapy schedule that I thought would work for us. Everyone starts somewhere, I have done hours and hours and hours of reading and asking and talking and learning over the past 3+ years. You will too.

Good Luck!

A whole lot of us want our kids to be mainstreamed as soon as possible or even be close to being normal.

When DS graduated from EI, I was happy he was out and no more services. And all my problems would be solved with a preschool.

We are starting our 3rd year and final year of preschool and the thought of DS in mainstream kinder was there but not as much as before.

I am starting to hear DS will be mainstreamed at 1st or 2nd grade.

Yup, I'm aware of that. And I'm aware that it won't happen for everyone. For now, I'm happy with my son's progress and where we are. I'm in no kind of denial that it could change quickly as the social demands on an early elementary student increases. I know we have plenty more mountains to climb, many of which we work on in OT. But I'm hopeful, and compared to where I was 2 years ago at this time, thats all I can ask for.

CrocusPocus · August 2013

Hooray for hope! I think that's what we all want!

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