Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

I don't think I'm going to survive this vacation.

whse13kittenswhse13kittens member
in Blended Families
For mobile bumpers - title: I don't think I'm going to survive this vacation.

Fair warning, I may DD this later, since I don't know if BM is around here. I don't think so but, well, I'm paranoid.

So I had a hair-brained idea this winter to invite BM, her boyfriend, and their daughter (the kids sister) on our week-long beach vacation this summer. We leave on Sunday and I am regretting this more than ever. BM agreed to buy groceries for the week long trip when we got to the beach, essentially handling all the cold items (meat, cheese, milk, etc). SO and I bought over $200 worth of other groceries to bring with (cereal, bread, shells, chips, etc). We also paid for both kids and ourselves and the deposit/cleaning fees for the condo -- over half what we asked BM to pay for her and the BF.

Now she's trying to tell us, after having known about the trip and expenses (groceries, street parking, boardwalk stuff she wants) that she is only going to have about $200 after they pay bills to spend down there. To put this in perspective, groceries are probably going to be about $100 and week-long parking with a permit is $50 (more without).

My anxiety is through the roof. She can manage to go to the bar at least twice a week, and is talking about getting a puppy, and smokes like a chimney, but she can't manage to vet the one cat she has (no shots, not spayed, nothing) and is now telling us she might not be able to afford GAS for this trip, let alone food, parking, or general fun.

I want to scream. WHAT was I thinking?????
Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: I don't think I'm going to survive this vacation.

  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I think your heart was in the right place but this has disaster written all over it. I would tell BM what the estimated costs are for everything and if she can't afford it, she doesn't go. its the same as any other family. In the future take your vacations separately. If the kids ask why their mom can't go anymore, explain that vacation cost money and you have to budget for it.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Yikes!

    Has the room/condo already been paid for or were you expecting BM to chip in?

    I agree...your heart was in the right spot but next year, you know! SS will be okay. Does BM take him on vacation?
    Report Reply
  • whse13kittenswhse13kittens member
    The condo is already paid for, thank goodness. She paid for that out of what SO would normally have given her for tax return for the kids.

    This is the first vacation she's "taken" the kids on in....well, as far as I know, ever. SO usually takes them somewhere for a weekend, but this is the first time we are even taking them for longer than 2 days. I told SO today he had two choices: tell her to get it together or tell her not to come. But that if they opted to come along still, I wasn't bailing them out on anything. If she can't buy groceries or park, she'll have to figure it out. I'll get what we and the boys need but I'm not paying for her. She's had since February to make this work.

    I sure learned my lesson. Next year's vacation is just us...as long as I survive this one!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Well at least the condo is paid for. We went on vacation this year with my parents, the 6 of us ate breakfast, lunch and dinner every night for a week for about $150. Can you guys maybe split groceries for the week?

    Parking I would definitely leave up to her and any fun things y'all want to do, do them even if they don't get to come.

    I'm glad you won't plan this again :) way too much stress!
    Report Reply
  • whse13kittenswhse13kittens member
    We tried to "split" groceries for all meals...SO and I bought all the "dry" things (bread, cereal, etc) and it's sitting in the corner of my dining room. She is supposed to buy the cold stuff (milk, cheese, hamburger, etc) when we get there. We'll see.

    SO promised me a vacation from my vacation...we're going to take a weekend break with no kids and nobody else, just the two of us. I'm rewarding myself for not killing anyone, lol.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    You guys definitely need that. We seem to catch grief in some form or another from BM if we take a vacation without SS but we go without DS too (except once). All parents need a break, even just one weekend.
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    @Sweetwalks, I would lose my mind if BM told me I couldn't take a vacation with my DH without any of the kids. Bonus points to you for not losing it...
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    @Lavender P it was more of money thing not really telling us we couldn't. I don't really let her opinions or feelings about how I spend my $$ affect me since I don't care about how she spends hers. She goes on trips w out her kid so I know it's just an attempt to bother us.
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Got it. I'm extra prickly this week after BM flipped out on DH last week so I guess I'm less patient then usual for annoying BF related interactions. Haha.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • Mrs.H.Mrs.H.

    Wow! You are a much better person than I am. I would never think of taking a vacation with my ss BM  and we get along just fine!!! 

    I couldn't even imagine my poor DH having to put up with his ex! On vacation no less! Vacations are to relax. Not to stress out! 

    Report Reply
  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Mrs.H. said:

    Wow! You are a much better person than I am. I would never think of taking a vacation with my ss BM  and we get along just fine!!! 

    I couldn't even imagine my poor DH having to put up with his ex! On vacation no less! Vacations are to relax. Not to stress out! 

    Completely agree! I like to have a glass of wine on the deck of the beach house after the kids go to sleep and I would feel SO awkward if BM were there. Granted we go with family, and DH doesn't drink so there is always a 'sober' adult (and I never get drunk) but still.

    Report Reply
  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    whse13kittens said:
    We tried to "split" groceries for all meals...SO and I bought all the "dry" things (bread, cereal, etc) and it's sitting in the corner of my dining room. She is supposed to buy the cold stuff (milk, cheese, hamburger, etc) when we get there. We'll see. SO promised me a vacation from my vacation...we're going to take a weekend break with no kids and nobody else, just the two of us. I'm rewarding myself for not killing anyone, lol.

    I don't see alcohol on this list. I know I'd need some to survive a vaca with BM.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"