Gentle Ways to Deal with Sleep

philfemgal · August 2013

I'm new to this board--not sure if I'm really doing AP (at least not in any deliberate way), but am more on this end of things philosophy-wise. I thought I'd check for advice here because so much sleep advice involves some kind of CIO and I want other options, though much of the generic non-CIO advice just seems so unlikely to work with a baby like mine.

We are having a ton of sleep trouble w/ our 4.5 month old. We aren't concerned about STTN. She had been STTN on her own at least half the time from 6 weeks to 2.5 months. Now she is doing 1-2 night time feeds which is fine. Our real issues are 1) needing to move her out of the rock n play since she is outgrowing it.2) naps, and 3) getting her to sleep in the first place at bedtime.

1) We have to get her out of the R&P soon and are planning to move her to her crib in her own room (though I am torn about not having her in our room with us, I figure if we have to make a big transition we might as well do it all at once rather than having to do another transition to her own room 6 months down the road). Given she mostly only sleeps in the R&P or in arms, I am dreading trying to put her in the crib. I'm worried that if she just screams and resists what will we do?

2) Naps. 90% of the time she will not nap unless held in arms. She has always needed to be swaddled while being held/rocked/patted by me w/ white noise and pacifier. She usually sleeps 20-45 min. An hour is an amazing stroke of luck. Putting her down almost always leads to her waking up within 5 minutes so for months now I have held her for almost every nap and I can't keep living like this. The one exception was her first nap of the day, but lately she won't let me put her down for that one either. Also just in the past few weeks she seems to be spacing out her naps more, or at least fighting me A LOT more even when she has been yawning. Now she just screams til she's purple while I'm trying to rock her and cranes her back/neck around so I can't cradle her and spits out the pacifier. The past few days EVERY nap has been like this and so I think she is now missing naps and being extra crabby.

3) Getting her to sleep in the first place at bedtime also involves a bunch of white noise, rocking, swaddling, and screaming. My wife and I used to share the putting to sleep at night but about a month and a half ago she got much more particular about it being only me who puts her to sleep. So now she just pretty much won't let my wife do any putting her to sleep—just acts like she's killing her. In the past few weeks she has started nursing to sleep some nights. This would be ok (though still not ideal that my wife can never give me a break) if it worked consistently but it's only successful half the time—the other half it's back to the screaming/rocking/etc.

She does not like the swing, does not like to be worn. She used to be colicky and is still on the fussy/high needs end of things.

We HAVE to do something about this--particularly #1 and #2--but we are torn about what to do. We have looked into Ferber, pick up/put down, the no-cry sleep solution, etc. Given she already screams bloody murder for every nap and most of the time at bedtime the idea of a “no-cry” solution is just laughable. But still, I don't want her to cry more than she needs to. Any ideas for a baby with this kind of temperament and sleep issues?

ncbelle · August 2013

My first sleep solution for this age at naps is always wearing - so maybe we can troubleshoot that? What are you wearing her in? Lots of times people think their baby hates to be worn because baby will cry when put in a carrier - often though that's just because they are tired and fighting sleep!! Try putting on some white noise (or run the vacuum!) and MOVE - movement is key! If you don't want to walk in circles, try an exercise ball and bounce lightly.

Second, have you tried putting her down earlier? My babies both fought like heck once they were overtired. Try starting the sleep routine like 30 minutes earlier and see if that helps. Sleep begets sleep so if you can get her down earlier she may sleep better overall.

It's also prime time for the 4 month wakeful - one way that manifests is sleep fighting. So she's doing something developmentally normal - small comfort I'm sure

The short nap is also a common problem - the 45 minute intruder - basically she's waking as soon as she hits the end of a sleep cycle. One thing to try is to watch carefully for when she's starting to rustle and starting doing whatever you did to get her to sleep in the first place again but before she fully wakes. That will help her learn to sleep through that period of lighter sleep.

As for putting her down - no help there as I wore my babies for all their naps until they were more like 9 months as that is what worked well for us. We also were bed sharers so no advice on the crib transition - just to say do what feels comfortable for you as far as having her in your room or not.

ForeverEverAfter · August 2013

For #2 I recommend No Cry Nap Solution. My LO only napped in arms for the first few months, and it helped me transition to crib naps. It's worth reading as it really explains infant sleep patterns and needs. We went from arms, to arms with noise and a blanket, to swing (turned off) with noise and blanket, to crib with noise and blanket, to crib with noise and a small, safe toy. I can't help much with bedtime, we're only just starting a bedtime routine with her own room.

JJ_13 · August 2013

I don't have a ton of advice, just want to say you're not alone. Sleep problems are really, really, really hard. We just kind of dealt with it as best we could until we felt ready to do some gentle sleep shaping - closer to 7 months old. This may be controversial on this board, but the Kim West Good Night, Sleep TIght book helped us a lot. There are tears involved in her method (and you really can't do it until 6+ months - as I said, we did it closer to 7 months), but not what I consider to be "CIO" since we *never* (and still wouldn't, although we really don't have tears at all anymore) left LO to cry alone. We went from having a sleep-fighting, short-napping, frequent-waking baby to getting two 60 - 120 minute naps/day and 1 - 3 wakings at night, which I consider to be totally normal for an 8 month old. I will say that we transitioned from RNP to crib before doing it. We got her out of the swaddle and into a sleep sack while still in the RNP (around 5.5 months), did RNP to Crib in our room (around 6 months) and then moved the Crib from our room to her room (around 6.5 months). We just bit the bullet and did each transition about two weeks apart. That said, with each of those transitions, we were at a stage where we felt like it couldn't possibly get worse in terms of number of night wakings so we had nothing to lose. She adjusted much better than I actually thought she would.

All that said, I think every baby is different and you have to figure out what works for your family.

alysie89 · August 2013

First of all, Hugs! This can be a really challenging age. There is alot going on developmentally for your LO.
My DD did this exact thing. What we started doing was doing alot of baby wearing, my girls favourite was the Boba to fall asleep in. I know alot of other people like wraps. I often also held her for naps, or sometimes she'd sleep in her infant swing, and i'd the swing in what ever room I wanted to do work in and then when I'd nursed her to sleep I'd gently lay her down and then rock it a little to soothe her out again. I realize that wont' always work for everyone tho. Annother trick i had was I'd nurse her and then put her in her stroller and walk. I'd take that time for me to be physically active, and still have her with me and she'd get a great nap that way.
As for night time sleeping, this is the age I brought her into our bed to sleep with my hubby and I. It has worked out really well and at 8.5 months she's only waking to feed once in the middle of the night, and I just nurse side laying so that I can doze a bit and she can eat.
I waited to do the transition to laying flat for naps. For the last month she's just started laying down for her naps in her PNP. I've found that if she can hear me close by that helps keep her sleeping longer.
In the evenings if she doesn't want to lay down without me, my hubby and I cuddle up on the couch and use that time to quietly talk or watch a show together while she sleeps in my arms.
Just remember that this too shall pass, and it does change. Try alot of things, find what works best for you. It sounds like you are doing a great job of trying to meet your daughters needs

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