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Tantrums. Oy.

kc192kc192 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
My adorable and sweet kiddo has lately been wonderfully demonstrating why they call them the Terrible Twos. Throwing himself down screaming. Do you want an apple? NOOONOOOOOONOOOOOOOOO!!!! Let's sit in your chair! NOONOONONONONOOO!!!! What do you do for these?! Time outs? Ignore? Redirect? I usually walk out of the room and tell him I'll be waiting for when he's ready to be calm. After a while he'll come in calm and happy. Or sometimes I redirect. But should i be disciplining him somehow? I feel like my actions are not telling him this behavior is unacceptable. It's also a little embarrassing when I'm at someone's house to completely ignore his actions as if it's ok. Is he too young to understand that this is not a good thing?
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Re: Tantrums. Oy.

  • sschwegesschwege member
    A couple of things, do you notice the tantrums happening around a certain time of day, are you seeing a pattern?  I noticed with DD that she seemed to always have a meltdown around 10:00am, I started giving her a snack around that time and it really seems to help a lot, I think she was just getting hungry.  

    Yes, redirect if you can, or offer to cuddle/rock him until he feels calm.  If those things don't work and the tantrum does not seem to be caused by something you can control (he's not hungry, tired, etc), then just ignore.  My mom always said that sometimes kids just need a good cry and then they feel better.  I know that's true of DD, then when she has calmed down a little she is ready for some snuggles and seems to do much better after a meltdown.  I don't think discipline is appropriate in a situation such as this.  He will learn quick enough the behavior is unacceptable, I mean how many seven year olds do you see throwing themselves to the ground and kicking and screaming.   They just grow out of it.


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  • BelhurstBrideBelhurstBride member
    I agree that discipling isn't exactly the way to go. 

    A lot of times kiddos throw fits because they're having a difficult time voicing their wants or needs. Is it possible he's getting frustrated? 

    I know for DD giving her choices is the key to avoiding tantrums. She likes to feel in control of her own life. "Would you like an apple or an orange?" "Would you like to sit in the kitchen or the dining room?" 
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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    1. Prevent them.
    - Set clear limits: "We will only be at the park a short time, 15 minutes." "I can read you only one book right now."
    - Offer warnings: "We are going to leave in five minutes."  "We are going to leave in two minutes."  "It's been two minutes; it's time to leave now."
    - Offer concrete ideas: "When we leave here, we are going to go home to eat soup for dinner." "After I read you a book, then I have to make breakfast." "There is time for two more slides before we leave."
    - Offer options: "Do you want to walk to the car or do you want me to fly you like an airplane?"  "Do you want to sit in your chair or in my chair?"  "Do you want an apple or a pear?"
    - Avoid no: "You can have a popsicle tomorrow.  You've already had one today." "Yes, you can spit, but outside on the grass, not inside on the floor."

    2. When they happen, respect their emotions.
    - Name the emotion you see: "You look mad that I took away the scissors you were running with."
    - Empathize with them: "I understand you are upset you can't keep playing with that toy."
    - Offer options (redirection) or some time to themselves.
    - Don't discount their emotions.  So, no saying "It's not a big deal," or "It doesn't really matter," because it IS a big deal that REALLY matters to them.

    3. Don't get over involved.
    - Stay near, but let them work through the worst of their anger themselves, so they are in a place you can approach them.
    - Give them space to work out the issue if they need it.  Give them hugs if they need it.  But only talk if they need that (and they probably don't right away).

    4. Don't punish for showing emotion.   Yes, there are wrong ways to show emotion - you can work on disciplining hitting you in the face, for instance, but disciplining being angry is counterproductive and ineffective.
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  • bluejettabluejetta member
    We have just encountered these at 23 months. For us they seem to be mostly related to being overtired or hungry.  In the moment there doesn't seem to be anything we can do except give her the space to be upset. I don't see a time out as a solution yet since it isn't exactly bad behavior but we do try to calm and re-direct. 
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  • jc&catjc&cat member

    Agree with the frustration part, the fact that their brains could be moving faster than their words at that moment. Couple that with hunger and boom-- meldown!

    We try to make sure to say what is next. After X, we're going to do X. Just getting into the habit of that has helped a bit. Giving some choices helps sometimes. That doesn't mean I haven't asked her if she wants water or milk and then getting whatever she asked for thrown at me when she collapses to the floor in a crying mess. :-) Sometimes you just have to give them some space. I promise it's a phase. It passes. I thought DS had a temper/drama with his tantrums but his sister wins that Oscar hands down.

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