Tantrums 12 to 18 months

oliversmommy32912 · August 2013

What do YOU do when your 12 to 18 month old throws a tantrum?

maryxc1 · August 2013

DS is almost 15 months. If we are not in public, I explain the reason he can't do or have whatever and then just ignore him. Sometimes I offer him an alternative depending on what it is. I know he doesn't understand all my explanations yet but in the past few weeks I can tell his understanding is getting a lot better. If we are out in public I offer him an alternative and if that doesn't work I remove him from the situation. My last resort in public is to give him paci if I don't have any other choices.

I am curious to see what other people say because I am a FTM and making it up as I go along.

stanfordt04 · August 2013

DS is 14 months. whenever he has a tantrum, I tell him the reasoning why he can't do something and then I always try to distract him with something else or i have also walked away from him and ignored him.

KarynR25 · August 2013

Great question...my DD is just over 14 months and definitely throws a good tantrum when things dont go her way! I am also a FTM and have no wise words. I do find though that usually taking it away or removing her from the situation, and walking away/ignoring her usually results in a shorter tantrum than if I try to sit there and talk it out and give her something else to play with. IT also results in less throwing of things

DawnLilly · August 2013

You should address the tantrum when it happens because the likelihood of you revisiting it later when your child is calm is slim. It's even slimmer that at this age they will even remember why they were upset earlier anyways.

If we aren't in public I sit down and hold his hand and talk to him about why we can't do or have whatever it is even if he's still screaming. I keep talking until he is done, repeating myself if I have to. I do the same thing in public. If we are in a restaurant we go outside or to the bathroom. The same goes for the store but DS has flopped down in the middle of the diaper aisle and kicked and screamed so I sat down there with him.

He hasn't really thrown one in public in like a month though. Last one was because he was going too far out in the yard and I was making him come back closer to the house. Good luck!

oliversmommy32912 · August 2013

Thanks for the responses.

Today has been the worst day we have ever had with tantrums by far. He probably had five within the first hour of waking up and I lost count by noon. I figured he was just tired so I put him back to bed but the tantrums have lasted all day. Maybe something else is
going on? Who knows.

I usually explain why I'm stopping him from doing whatever he's wants to be doing and then ignore him until he has calmed down. When I asked friends and family today what they do I got a wide range of answers from ignoring to spanking. Uh, no, I won't be spanking my 16 month old for not having the ability to control his emotions, thanks.

I just wanted to make sure what I was doing was on par with the majority. I don't want to develop or encourage any bad habits while we figure out what works best for him.

This parenting stuff is hard! I miss the times when all I had to do was keep him alive. What do you want to bet in ten years I'm missing the times where all I had to do was deal with tantrums?

UMichGirl · August 2013

Ugh, DS had a MAJOR tantrum today. Why? Because he didn't want to come inside. It was the biggest tantrum I've seen him have and I basically just set him down on the carpet and ignored him (but kinda followed him around from afar to make sure he didn't hurt himself because when he gets going he will like bang his head on the carpet). I don't know what else to do because there is NO talking to him or even holding him when he gets like that. Sorry I don't have any advice, but I don't know what to do either!

oliversmommy32912 · August 2013

Oh man. Tonight when I brushed his teeth I realized he has a molar that just came through on top and another that's about to come through on the bottom! No wonder he's been such a pain. His right bottom lateral incisor still hasn't come through. I figured it was next so molars weren't even on my radar. I'm glad I didn't lose my cool and gave him extra love today. Poor kiddo must be feeling ouchy!

MNgirl326 · August 2013

If you are at home- wait it out. Walk away, give zero attention, wait until it is over. You can say, when you are calm I will talk to you.

When it over, you say, "oh now I can talk to you and we can see if we can work it out"

If you are in public and LO is in a cart or what not- ignore it. You will get looks but whatever. If LO is not in a cart or what not, you pick them up off the floor without saying a word, and bring them to the car and bring them home.

Negative attention is still attention- so not giving attention to tantrums is key. When kids are tantruming they are in the red zone, you can't reason or discuss with a kid in the red zone. YOu need to wait until they calm down and are back in the green zone.

The more and more tantrums are ignored, the shorter they become and the less frequently they happen.

amarie923 · August 2013

They are way way too little to process long explanations of why they can't do something. I keep it brief & to the point and let her work it out or distract her. So far she hasn't had any tantrums in public, just at home when she is told no (like climbing onto the top of the couch!). A few times I've removed her from the situation as kind of a "time out" but, again, she doesn't quite get that she needs to stay in the time out area. (she is almost 17 months). I'm trying the "toddler-ese" as well - I really like that book & how they explain how little toddler minds work :-)

oliversmommy32912 · August 2013

amarie923 said:

They are way way too little to process long explanations of why they can't do something.

This is kind of my thought as well. I try to use as few words as possible. However, I think toddlers understand a lot more than we give them credit for. When I can say "Go get your blankie and come over here to snuggle" or "Go find your milk and bring it to me" and he does, I think he can understand "Please don't kick Lola" (our cat) or "Please sit down on the couch".

I'll look into the toddlerese thing. Thanks!

kdjudd · August 2013

When my daughter throws a tantrum I do my best to keep her safe while she is throwing herself all over the place and I gently say "It's okay... Calm down...I know you are frustrated" until it passes. Then afterwards we move on with our lives like nothing happened.

zbeesma86 · August 2013

DD has started them just recently- she throws herself back and hits her head. I usually can see one coming on- so I lay her down and walk away so she is safe and I don't pay her any attention until she is done. You cannot reason with her! She knows she can look at my phone and push the button, but the second she puts it in her mouth I take it and she freaks out!

Hasn't done it in public yet (knock on wood) but I hope she doesn't and we nip it in the bud here before. Last night before bath she threw a hissy fit. I laid her down and walked away. She eventually started to follow me like why don't you notice me?! then it was over.

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