Heartbroken

fajita814 · August 2013

I did an intro in the check in post a few weeks ago, but have mostly lurked since then.

DH & I were pursuing foster to adopt. We were in the process of updating our home study, since several things had changed since we last fostered (a few years ago). We had met a little girl (10 months old) that we fell in love with. Mom's rights were already terminated & it appeared as though dad's would be terminated in September. Our caseworker and everyone involved was hurrying paperwork through trying to get us ready for her. I had the pleasure of spending quite a bit of time with her this summer. Although still a long way from adoption, we were hoping to have her placed with us in early September (she was with a foster family who did not care to adopt). She died this weekend, due to what I believe was neglect, in her current foster home. It is a long story, but she ended up dying of an untreated infection which caused her organs to shut down. She was not taken to the doctor, even after 7+ days of temperatures 103+. There is currently an open investigation.

I don't know where to go from here. I know we need to take some time to grieve, but I don't know how we will do this again. I doubt (and hope) that not too many people have been through this, but I just thought I would reach out. My biggest fear about doing DIA was a failed match, I wasn't sure I could handle it, and this is what I imagine it feels like.

maryoosa · August 2013

Oh my goodness. This is horrifying. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's a tragedy when a system that is supposed to protect children fails them in such a tremendous way.

Kirstybaby · August 2013

What a terrible, terrible tragedy! I'm so sorry for your family and for the loss of that sweet child who was only just beginning. Praying for you during this time...

aligross · August 2013

Oh my! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dr.Loretta · August 2013

I am so sorry. I can't imagine. Please take care of yourself, and seek outside help if necessary.

fajita814 · August 2013

Thanks ladies. The lack of closure is very hard. There was a death notice in the paper, but is was just one line- xxxxx died on August 3rd at xxx hospital. There will be no service. No parents names, no indication that anyone at all loved her. DH and I are both off on Friday and are going to go let some balloons go. Our immediate families knew about her, but we had not shared with friends or extended family yet, so no one really understands our grief. I could not even take a bereavement day at work when I found out yesterday.

hey_its_jenn · August 2013

I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through. I am so, so sorry for your loss!

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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LO95 · August 2013

Aw. So so very sorry. How heartbreaking.

CaptainSerious · August 2013

I'm so sorry. Cn't even begin to imgine your grief.

dholsapp · August 2013

I'm so sorry! Sending you lots of prayers during this time.

IRR · August 2013

So sorry for your loss as well as the little girl who has certainly become an angel in heaven. It is terrible when the system fails a little, innocent child. Grieve and take the time you need but don't let this stop you from moving forward with adding a child to your home.

arbutusbride · August 2013

I am so sorry. What a terrible loss for you and that little girl.

It is situations like that which give foster parents a bad rap. They just undid a lot of good work by people like you who really care about the children they are placed with.

JoaPata · August 2013

I am so very sorry and am thinking of you. I could not imagine the pain you are going through. Thoughts and prayers.

daniandbri · August 2013

My heart is breaking. What a sad story. After going through a failed foster situation my heart was torn apart. I imagine it doesn't even compare to your situation. I pray for peace and comfort to you and your husband as your grieve this loss.

IdigDirt · August 2013

I am so very sorry for you, your H and baby girl. My thoughts are with you all.

nic77du · August 2013

I am so very sorry Fajita. My heart breaks for this. I think that by you knowing her and loving her, even for a short time, her memory will never be lost. You honor her presence in your lives even if no one else will. I hope you are able to find peace in time, and are able to be a safe and loving home and future for another child someday.

Keri Marie · August 2013

I'm so sorry. It's a difficult situation to go through.

mtendere · August 2013

I'm so very sorry. What a terrible situation.

Dr.Loretta · August 2013

fajita, I was thinking of you yesterday

fajita814 · August 2013

Thank you @ Dr. Loretta. I appreciate everyone's support here. Each day is getting a little better, but I still miss her terribly. The balloon release was beautiful, the sky was a beautiful blue and we could see them drift for miles.