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xh is leaving the state for a few months

SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
in Blended Families
According to the text he sent me he will be gone for work for a few months. We currently have a 4 days with me three days with him schedule. We have been on this schedule for a year and the kids are finally settled in with it. It's upsetting that it will have to change although this leaves me with them full time and I'm excited about that. It also leaves me looking for extra childcare and I will have extra expenses.

He wants to meet tomorrow to discuss the change and work out the details. I know he is going to ask if his parents can keep them some of the time but they live over an hour away and with school it won't be feasible very often.

Any advice? Anything I should be asking for or thinking about? My kids will surely be upset, and its goo.g to throw their schedule all off.
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Re: xh is leaving the state for a few months

  • KTdiditKTdidit member

    Well its good that he let you know ahead of time and wants to work out a new schedule. How old are the kids? Will they understand that their dad has to do this because of work?

    Do his parents see the kids regularly now? If not I don't see how adding them into the scheudle would help. If they do then maybe one weekend a month or every third weekend would help maintain some normalcy.

    I would definitely discuss the extra childcare expenses and get somethign in writing if he agrees to help cover it.

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    In deciding what you want to do, I think I'd assign these priorities: 

    - What is best and most convenient for the kids.
    - What is doable for you.
    - What you would want him to do if the situation was reversed. 

    Definitely go into the meeting with some suggestions for what you think should happen, but be prepared to compromise here and there. 
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Thanks for the advice. I'm so annoyed. I understand its for work but the kids are going to be so sad and it just is a pain in the azz to change everything only for a short period of time. They are 3 and 6, so they will understand why he is gone.

    His parents see the kids every weekend during his time, at least 3 Saturdays a month. So I would definitely allow them visitation, but I'm not sure if any of you remember they are pretty terrible to me. I'm definitely not going out of my way to drive the kids up there to visit, and I'm not going to give them more than a weekend a month. They speak ill of me to my kids regularly.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    SimpleJane said:
    Thanks for the advice. I'm so annoyed. I understand its for work but the kids are going to be so sad and it just is a pain in the azz to change everything only for a short period of time. They are 3 and 6, so they will understand why he is gone. His parents see the kids every weekend during his time, at least 3 Saturdays a month. So I would definitely allow them visitation, but I'm not sure if any of you remember they are pretty terrible to me. I'm definitely not going out of my way to drive the kids up there to visit, and I'm not going to give them more than a weekend a month. They speak ill of me to my kids regularly.

    Given the fact that BD's parents aren't kind to you and actively speak ill of you, I applaud that you are still willing to allow them to visit with the kids in BD's absence.  And I agree, I wouldn't be extra accommodating either.  If they want to see the kids, they can come out and pick them up and then bring them back home after the weekend is over.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Do the parents listen to ex at all? Do you think there is a chance to use this time to talk to him about his parents? Maybe politely saying that you will let his parents have time with the kids but he needs to talk to them about not taking bad about you?

    He also needs to pay for extra childcare.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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