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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Aiden 10.17.07 Emma 07.15.10
C-section vs Vaginal Question (Flame Free)
DH and I were talking about this the other night and 6-12 mos got me thinking about it. ?
Our friend had to have a c-section (after 12 hrs of labor) and was a little sad that she didn't get to have the baby vaginally. ?I had a c-section (breech baby) and I actually don't feel sad/bad at all that I missed out on vaginally giving birth to DS.
Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with those that do feel like they missed out. ?I think I see a lot of people on here that feel that way.
I'm just wondering how common it is to feel sad (for lack of a better term) about it (or am I just weird for not being sad)? ?This is me just wondering about it not trying to offend anyone. ? ?
Aiden 10.17.07 Emma 07.15.10
This discussion has been closed.
Re: C-section vs Vaginal Question (Flame Free)
I had 2 vaginal deliveries but, personally, my goal was healthy babies and I didn't really care how they got here.
This is an interesting topic. I'm not sure why there seems to be this "stigma" about having a C-section, but it does seem to exist. I have known one mom who had a C-section for a breech baby. She knew for several weeks ahead of time that she would be giving birth that way, so she was fine with it.
The friends I know who were disappointed or felt sad (seriously, everyone else I know who had a c-section fits into this latter category!) had a c-section that was not planned. Although all of them said that when it came down to healthy baby vs. vag delivery, there was no question, but they were still disappointed. I mean, I don't know anyone who was tremendously bummed about it, but everyone but the one friend expressed regret/sadness about having had a c-section instead of a vaginal delivery.
I probably would have been bummed as well, and I'm not sure why.
I had a c-section with DS and don't feel sad/mad/bad at all. I was absolutely terrified of giving birth vaginally so when the doc said at my 37 wk appt that I had a 95% chance of a c-section, I was actually quite relieved. I did try to give birth vaginally but it clearly was not going to happen. After a few hours, I opted for the c-section and don't regret it for a single second.
To each their own. I wish people would stop being so damn judgmental about other's birth experiences and expectations (this is not meant as a flame, it's just a frustration).
Oh, I'm not judging at all. ?I was just thinking about it and thought I'd get other people's view about it. ??
Aiden 10.17.07 Emma 07.15.10
I agree, and it's all around the board. I can't tell you how many times I've been called stupid for going natural. It ticks me off, as much as it does for people who get "judged" for a c-section, especially a chosen one. As long as the result is a healthy baby, we should all be happy for every mother and their choices.
It's actually very common for women that have c-sections to end up with PPD. I was one of them. But my issues weren't just c-section related. I ended up with a c-section after a failed induction, got half way there and was told he was stuck, that was after 12+ hours in labor. I think if I would have known he was stuck ahead of time and was told I needed a c-section before even going to the hospital I would have had time to accept the idea. I was told that I needed surgery and quickly was overwhelmed by nurses and the anesthesiologist barging into my delivery room to get me ready for surgery. It happened WAY too fast.
Most people that I know that went through something like I did also felt sad about missing out. I'll never get to try vaginally unless I find a doc that'll do it but then again my current doc told me I wouldn't be a candidate because of the fact that my DS was a small baby (7lb 2oz) and got stuck so in her eyes I wouldn't be a candidate for a VBAC even if she could do them.
oh no, I didn't meant that against you at all. I know you weren't judging.
It just seems in general so many people get onto to others about having c-sections and it just gets old after a while.
Going natural is not stupid, it's crazy!
just kidding.
I agree. As long as a healthy baby is delivered, who the heck cares how it got here.
LOL! Yeah, I've been called that too, but that doesn't bother me like people actually saying I was stupid for doing it (mainly DH's family, but a few others too)
I delivered vaginally after 14.5 hours in labor. My sister delivered via c-section after 40 hours in labor. She was upset that she "missed out" on delivering vaginally, but I think that, for her, it was because she was there to see my daughter's birth and she thought that she "knew" what to expect.
DH and I were prepared for the fact that there was a possibility (albeit a remote one) that I would have to have a c-section, and even though I didn't have to, I do not think that I would have been upset about "missing out" on delivering vaginally.
I had a c-section after 15hrs of labor and I felt bad for about 30seconds before going into the surgical suite.
I have a friend who had a scheduled c-section and still feels some what sad that she missed out on labor.
I think it's normal to feel whatever you feel.
I think alisonada made some good points. When you imagine having your baby you don't imagine lying on a surgical table, being cut open and your baby being whisked away after. You imagine your water breaking, having contractions, and the rush to the hospital with DH.
I do feel like I sort of missed out because I never had one contraction. And like alison said, I probably never will because #2 will most likely be a c-section as well. I would like to know what a contraction feels like! I would like to have had that rush to the hospital and excitement (I was already there on bedrest
) and at least try.
That being said, I didn't dwell on it because I had no choice, and I didn't have PPD because of it either. I just had a little twinge of hmmm, what could it have been like...wish I knew kind of feeling.
I had thought so little about having a c-section that I skipped reading the chapter on them. So when my water broke at 32 weeks, DS was breached. I am glad I had not read up on them becuase I would have been more freaked out. Part of me feels "cheated" out of my experience but more so becuase I missed the last 8 weeks of pregnancy. I have considered trying for a VBAC next time, but will have to consult more with my doctor. But all I really want is a healthy birth and baby.
EXACTLY!!! I wanted a vaginal birth soooo bad, but I knew the possible c-section was there. So I had my mind set that YES I want a vaginal birth but if the dr. said I need a c/s then I am ok with it. And sure enough I am not upset at all that I had to have a c/s. I am more upset that bf didn't work for me and DD!
I had two breech babies, and 2 c-sections, and YES, I feel sad about it. I feel sad only because I NEVER got a choice to TRY to labor.
Now, I'm having #3 via c-section also. I'm still sad about it, but there's nothing I can do.?
I scheduled my section after a hellacious pregnancy. At the time, I didn't feel bad at all about it- I was so glad to get them out! After I thought about it though, I wondered if I would have been able to push them out. In all honesty, I know I couldn't have done it. I was mentally prepped for the section, and Lilly was breech any how.
I think she might have felt badly bc she had worked so hard for 12 hrs to get that kid out on her own just to have them say, forget it, we're cutting.
With my DD, I had an emergency C-section and I felt said that I missed the whole experience. But then again, I didn't know what I was missing. I didn't have any labor, contractions, or anything. I was very sad about my experience. With my DS that I just had, I wanted to experience all of that. But I was quickly told that I had not given my uterus time to heal so I couldn't have a VBAC. I had a calm c-section and I felt okay afterwards. It wasn't as hectic as my first birth because it was scheduled.
I think it is common for someone to have things be as normal as possible. I can understand wanting to have a vaginal.
I also ended up having a c-section. I started beginning stages of labor and some mild contractions...and finally after like 5 hours of monitoring and mild progression...and DD heartrate being erratic or whatever it was doing...a c-section was recommended.
I do feel a little like i missed out and do get a little bummed but then I just remind myself that even though it wasn't what I originally planned and didn't get to experience the vaginal birth...it is still MY experience, and overall I had a positive birth experience.
I'm sad that i HAD a vaginal birth- I had a 4th degree tear that was HORRIBLE to recover from - and i still have issues b/c of it today- almost 2 years later.
i will be having a c/s with the next.
After 20 of hours of med-free labour at home, I ended up with a cesarian. Didn't bother me so much at the time - as I knew it was what had to be done - but it haunted me months later. I'd really wanted an intervention-free birth. And was really disappointed I didn't get it. I cried for hours every day when DD was 9 months old... and would wake up at night replaying every moment of labour and delivery in vivid detail. It was horrible.
Yeah, so maybe most think I'm supposed to have a 'who cares' attitude. Yes, a healthy baby is most important. But I ended up caring. Deeply. Thank God for my midwife and my prenatal instructor/mothering group leader who helped me through some exercises for PTSD from a less than ideal birth. Even women who do seem to have 'perfect' births still can have some regrets. And that's ok. We're entitled to our feelings.
I've heard some women call their c-sections 'cruci-sections'. They're kind of barbaric things... of course, they're much better than losing a child, but having a cesarian is certainly not the best case scenario in my mind.
My I remember my midwife visiting me in the hospital the day after DD was born. She was already talking about a VBAC for me. I hope it will happen some day.
I think it is crazy deluded to be sad you missed a vag birth. I had one, I could skip it any day of the week. I've also had 30 really big major surgeries in my life..really a c section would be no biggie to me.
I think we need to stop talking about *my* birth experience and start talking about the quality of nursing care and the quality of medical care for all mothers and babies. I had shytty nursing during and after my birth but I don't think it would have been any better or worse with a c section. We just need better nurses.
BTW from someone who had a vag birth - missing out on the agony of labor is really something to be grateful for...as long as you get a healthy baby at the end count yourselves blessed you did not rip a tear in your body or wish you were dead for hours before your baby was born.?
I had a c-section that I was bullied into. I think about it and regret it everyday. I think about what I could have and should have done to stop my dr from doing something that I told her over and over that I did not want.
My son nor myself was ever in any kind of danger. It was a failed indution. He was taking too long to come down. Mostly, it was a Friday afternoon, my dr had the weekend off, my son was born at 5:17 pm. Before they started, the anasesiologist even said something about how my dr was making a habbit of Friday afternoon c-sections. It all makes me sick...
I have a new dr now. He has a 90% VBAC success rate.
We are all intilted to our on feelings about our birth experiences. My negative feelings about my sons birth have nothing to do with how I feel about him, but a lot to do with how I feel about myself.
I had a c-section b/c DS was breech. I was TERRIFIED of vaginal delivery and was actually thnking God when he was breech (found out after water broke). I had a great recovery and will have a C-section next time too. I don't feel upset or anything about it.
My SIL on the other hand was hell bent and determined to have a med-free water birth. She was unable to have the baby in the water and needed pitcoin which was exactly what she didn't want. Still pain med free and vaginally, but she is so devastated about it- it is all she can focus on. She doesn't want any more kids (they had only ever planned 1), but might now do it just to get the birth she wanted.
My problem with the whole situation is that she had all these expectations to have a water birth after "4 hours of labor b/c she did pilates and ate healthy the whole pregnancy." (her words not mine). No matter how we try there is no possible way to control labor/ delivery and I have read that those with the most flexible birth plans are the most satisfied with their deliveries in the end no matter how it happens.
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