Depressed and needing support and advice please..

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

My son is 10 weeks old and I am extremely depressed about my weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was 130lbs and at the end of my pregnancy I was 215lbs. I ate all the same healthy foods, kept up my active schedule and exercise but I still gained a lot of weight. I have had issues in the past with my weight and eating disorders and I cant stand to see myself this way. I know it was for a great cause and I am so thankful for my son espshily since my pregnancy was filled with complications and stress. and I know that I cant get rid of this weight with a snap of my fingers but I desperately want to lose the weight. I hate being big and having loose skin for no reason. right after I delivered I got down to 175lbs but then some how I got up to 196lbs and that's just where I seem to stay no matter what I do. I work out as much as possible during the day, but I still have my son, my dog, and house work to do. as well as also getting everything ready for my husband when he gets home. he works all day long so I cant really ask him for help , and if I do I feel horrible for doing so. Im eating healthy exercising, taking vitamins to try to boost my energy but I just cant seem to lose weight not even a single pound. I just want to stop eating but I know I cant and I refuse to do so again. please help is anyone else going through something similar?

c-elizabethf · August 2013

I know how you feel to an extent, I have had body image issues for a long time. And have been really insecure and definitely after having my daughter. My husband told me the other day to just be patient it took 9 months for your body to get that way and it just takes time. I lost all the baby weight but I'm still overweight and my stomach just isn't the same. I just remind myself to not give up, and not eating will not help. I'm sorry you are feeling this way

I know my comment wasn't really helpful but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling like this, trust me.

pearlsonthebeach · August 2013

I could have written this, down to the numbers and the age of our sons...seriously! I am right there with you.

ALP514 · August 2013

I feel the same way. Ive had weight issues my whole life. I lost all baby weight and then some and then managed to gain 8 lbs since giving birth. Like PP , my OB also said it took 9 months to put on the weight its not going to go away over night. My main issue is the excess skin. Its just such a pain!!

snowgirl427 · August 2013

Don't look at your body for the differences, because they will definitely be there for a while.

Instead when you start to feel bad about your weight and body, remind yourself of the miracle your body produced. Every stretch mark, every extra jiggle was to support your amazing baby and give him the best start to life.

I say this as someone who has 50 lbs to lose. I feel fat, I don't feel attractive, but instead of focusing on that, I am proud of what this body accomplished. The rest will come off with time.

Hugs!!

KLJ3 · August 2013

Your husband doesn't get a free pass by working all day. If he's a true partner in your marriage and being a parent to your baby, he can help out.

While I was on maternity leave, I didn't ask my husband to get up for night feedings because I knew I could catch a nap during the day; he couldn't. He did, however, make dinner for the two of us after getting home. He also did at least one feeding / diaper change plus bottle washing. If I needed a shower, he'd watch the baby.

It sounds like you need some stress-free time to take care of yourself. Don't feel bad asking for help.

jenb1205 · August 2013

I agree with possibly seeking therapy but that is easier said than done. There are therapists out there that will let you bring the baby. And if your insurance situation is anything like ours, you've met your deductible this year!

So many of us feel the same way as you. I lost a lot and then gained a bunch of it back. I've stopped eating sugar and weight is coming off, but extremely slowly. It's hard. Even as I lose a pound here and a pound there, my body is completely different than it was before and that is hard to reconcile.

Try not to feel horrible when asking your husband for help. If you're unhappy and struggling it affects your marriage and family life and he should want to help you feel better.

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

my husband says the exact same thing. I just think I would've lost more by now with everything I do. I'm trying to think positive and keep motivated but its hard when all you see is people thinner then you.

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

pavlovic7 said:

I feel the same way. Ive had weight issues my whole life. I lost all baby weight and then some and then managed to gain 8 lbs since giving birth. Like PP , my OB also said it took 9 months to put on the weight its not going to go away over night. My main issue is the excess skin. Its just such a pain!!

tell me about it. I hate being in this shape and I worry about not being about to tighten my skin after I lose the weight.

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

snowgirl427 said:

Don't look at your body for the differences, because they will definitely be there for a while. Instead when you start to feel bad about your weight and body, remind yourself of the miracle your body produced. Every stretch mark, every extra jiggle was to support your amazing baby and give him the best start to life. I say this as someone who has 50 lbs to lose. I feel fat, I don't feel attractive, but instead of focusing on that, I am proud of what this body accomplished. The rest will come off with time. Hugs!!

That's great advice thank you. I am thankful and I am proud, my son is truly a miracle child I am so happy to have him and that my body faught to keep him alive I just need to learn to ignore my imperfections

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

KLJ3 said:

Your husband doesn't get a free pass by working all day. If he's a true partner in your marriage and being a parent to your baby, he can help out. While I was on maternity leave, I didn't ask my husband to get up for night feedings because I knew I could catch a nap during the day; he couldn't. He did, however, make dinner for the two of us after getting home. He also did at least one feeding / diaper change plus bottle washing. If I needed a shower, he'd watch the baby. It sounds like you need some stress-free time to take care of yourself. Don't feel bad asking for help.

I ask for help, I just don't like to. He does a lot without me asking. I just feel its all my responsibility. Its kinda how I was raised

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

cromie713 said:

I struggled within anorexia for most of my teenage and young adult life, so I can completely relate to how you're feeling. I went through 3 months of inpatient treatment about 3 years before DS1 was born, and slowly started gaining weight. I was a healthy weight when I got pregnant, but gained a lot with each of the boys. Past eating/body image issues do make pregnancy really difficult. Maybe you could see a therapist about it ? Don't know if that's something you would find helpful or not... But for me obsessing over food and weight are just the expression of other underlying issues. Hang in there mama ! You will lose the weight (like another pp said it took 9 months to gain it) so give yourself some grace. Just make sure you lose it in a HEALTHY way so you can be the best mama to that LO of yours Edit: I posted this article a couple weeks back... I really found it helpful https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3623460

Anorexia was what I struggled with. started when I was 7 I quit eating for 3 months and was hospitalized for it. and It went on and off during my early teens. I was always bullied over my weight espeshily with doing gymnastics . I was at a nice healthy weight before pregnancy and I was happy about it. gaining weight during my pregnancy was hard but I knew and was alright with it because it was for such an amazing cause, but now that im not pregnant I feel sick with my appearance and according to everyone around I look good. I just don't feel it. I am determined to lose the weight healthy and I refuse to go anorexic again but id be lieing if I said I don't fight the urge everyday

SilverRainDrops · August 2013

jenb1205 said:

I agree with possibly seeking therapy but that is easier said than done. There are therapists out there that will let you bring the baby. And if your insurance situation is anything like ours, you've met your deductible this year!

So many of us feel the same way as you. I lost a lot and then gained a bunch of it back. I've stopped eating sugar and weight is coming off, but extremely slowly. It's hard. Even as I lose a pound here and a pound there, my body is completely different than it was before and that is hard to reconcile.

Try not to feel horrible when asking your husband for help. If you're unhappy and struggling it affects your marriage and family life and he should want to help you feel better.

I would love to do therapy again because it helped with me, espeshily with depression and ptsd as well. but unfortunitly I don't have insurane anymore. I lost it when I gave birth (I had military insurance due to my father) and the other insurance had just ended (but my son is still covered). Ive alway had issues losing weight and now with everthing being so different its just s much harder

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