DH worried about DS

UMichGirl · August 2013

DH is a worrier by nature but I am posting to get some feedback to (hopefully) help alleviate some of his concerns. And if these things are truly issues to be worried about I'd like to know so I don't keep telling him that there's nothing to worry about (because in all honesty DS's behaviors concern me a bit too especially with the way DH goes on about them worrying him).

For one thing, DS is always on the go. He literally does not sit still. Usually nothing will hold his attention for longer than a minute or two and then he's off to find something else. He won't just sit on our laps or even in his car seat or high chair--we had to put an iPad on the headrest so DS can watch Elmo, Mickey Mouse, etc on car rides to distract him and not scream bloody murder because he's strapped in a carseat. Meal times are rough--if he's not eating, he's screaming and writhing around to get out. I can't put him in and then grab his food--I have to have it ready to give him. You pick him up, he's wiggling around to get down. He weighs 26 pounds and as my dad says, it is 26 pounds of muscle. The kid is strong! For lack of a better word (and keep in mind when I say this that I love my son to pieces) he is a spaz. We spend what seems like all of his waking time distracting him to keep him entertained and not fussing.

He also doesn't really play with his toys (which he has a ton of). He'd rather open and close our cabinets (we have most locked but for example the Tupperware cabinet we leave for him to play with) or roll a water bottle around on the floor. He LOVES trucks or anything with wheels--but he just turns the toy over and spins the wheels. When he's done doing that he just bats at it across the floor. DH had read something about not playing with toys appropriately and spinning wheels obsessively could be an indicator for a sensory issue or something like that.

I will say that DS is incredibly advanced in certain aspects. At his 1 year appt he was already using 21 words (speaking and understanding). He follows commands (put the ball in the truck for example) and he's meeting all his physical milestones in terms of crawling and walking (he's taken steps unassisted but still mostly walks with our fingers to help--he's 13 months old).

Do you think DH (and I) worry over nothing? His pedi and anyone else we bring this up with just say he's a boy and boys are full of energy. I get that but we are in a play group and the other boys can SIT and RELAX for a few minutes! Those are two words DS is not familiar with!

If you've made it this far I thank you! Hopefully I'll get some responses to help alleviate his (our) concerns.

UMichGirl · August 2013

I should also add DH worries about DS and his eye contact. I think that DS does make eye contact but DH goes so overboard with calling his name (to "see" if he will turn and look at him) that DS has figured out he can just ignore him because he's not missing out on anything! Plus he's such a busy body that he can't take the two seconds to sit and focus on one person--like I said he's on the GO!

ChelsiAnn13 · August 2013

He sounds like a normal little boy to me but I don't have much experience with special needs. The only thing that may worry me is the eye contact but my DD will rarely look at me when I call just because she is to busy playing, watching tv, or just wants to ignore me. It isn't easy to get a busy toddlers attention and you said he will look you in the eyes for the brief moment he has extra attention to give you.

I say he is fine and sounds very bright but if you really are worried go have him tested by a specialist to put your mind at easy.

UMichGirl · August 2013

LalaMama81 said:
He sounds like a normal toddler. I think you're both over thinking and obsessing. 13 month olds don't sit around and veg. Have you guys read any books on typical toddler development? I suggest you do so, then you might not stress so much.

I don't think you're doing him any favors by letting him watch tv every time you get in the car, either.

I'm not happy with it either but it is the ONLY way we can go anywhere. As soon as he'd see the carseat he's freak out--start screaming and plank his body making it near impossible to even get him in. Then the entire car ride whether it be 5 minutes or 2.5 hours would be one huge meltdown screaming, kicking, etc. It was AWFUL and I felt like a prisoner at home because I'd rather not go anywhere than deal with it. He doesn't watch tv at home so we figure it's ok in exchange for saving our sanity. It's just Sesame Street, Elmo, Nursery Rhymes, etc.

UMichGirl · August 2013

Oh and no I haven't read any books on toddler development--do you have one in particular you'd recommend? I certainly don't expect him to sit and veg--but being able to sit on my lap or in a high chair at a restaurant or on the floor for more than 5 seconds was more what I was hoping for!

tbmadeamistake · August 2013

I also think a lot of that is normal. If you are truly worried, talk to you pedi about getting him evaluated. Give him the exact list you just gave us, explain that it's peace of mind as much as anything else, and you are wondering what your options are. Perhaps he can give you a timeline at which point if the behavior continues you can schedule an evaluation. That will at least make you feel like you're taking steps in case there is something up. HTH!

stanfordt04 · August 2013

hello umichgirl! i have been following your posts since our helmet conversation! it definitely seems as though you have concerns with you DS for a while now. maybe it is momma instinct or just a little bit of worry as you question his development but you know your little guy best. i always question the pedi when i have a funny feeling or something seems off with my LO.

my little guy has been in early intervention for a year for PT and is constantly being monitored for different things. one thing you mentioned that made me wonder was the wheel spinning. LO's PT said by this age toddlers begin pushing around trucks and cars and not spinning wheels. she said spinning wheels is something they look for as a red flag. all the other things you talked about seemed like typical toddler behavior to me. my DS is a nightmare putting in the car seat too. it is always a HUGE event.

i would talk to your pedi about any concerns you have... and maybe he can give you some information to help you feel more at ease.

UMichGirl · August 2013

LalaMama81 said:

UMichGirl said:

LalaMama81 said:
He sounds like a normal toddler. I think you're both over thinking and obsessing. 13 month olds don't sit around and veg. Have you guys read any books on typical toddler development? I suggest you do so, then you might not stress so much.

I don't think you're doing him any favors by letting him watch tv every time you get in the car, either.
I'm not happy with it either but it is the ONLY way we can go anywhere. As soon as he'd see the carseat he's freak out--start screaming and plank his body making it near impossible to even get him in. Then the entire car ride whether it be 5 minutes or 2.5 hours would be one huge meltdown screaming, kicking, etc. It was AWFUL and I felt like a prisoner at home because I'd rather not go anywhere than deal with it. He doesn't watch tv at home so we figure it's ok in exchange for saving our sanity. It's just Sesame Street, Elmo, Nursery Rhymes, etc.
Is he still in his infant seat or in a convertible? Have you tried a different seat? Is there a mirror for him to look at? Is it the same if someone sits with him in the back? Are you mostly going on errands or have you tried to connect the car with getting to fun places?

Books...happiest toddler on the block, dr sears anything, spirited child; I will think of more.

He's in a convertible...second convertible seat we've tried. Neither one made a difference. We had a mirror...he paid no attention to it. I'd sit in the back to help distract him if DH was driving. Didn't help. We'd go on errands, we'd go to the zoo, we'd go to grandma and grandpa's house, we'd go to the store...didn't matter. He just hates being confined.

I will look into Happiest Toddler--I had watched the Happiest Baby DVD back when we were dealing with severe colic (and undisguised milk protein intolerance which made everything worse) and that did help. Thanks!

DawnLilly · August 2013

My son is just 14 months and exactly the same. Although, he doesn't talk but signs and has been walking unassisted since nine months.

Your son sounds like he's bored. It's okay he doesn't play with toys. Put a mattress at the bottom of the stairs and let him climb. Take all the cushions off the couches and jump around. If you can wear him out more it will be easier for him to sit when he needs to.

I give DS some cheese chunks on the coffee table about an hour before dinner that way he's a little calmer and not starving at dinner. Try giving him a fork too it will engage his brain when eating.

I agree with the post about what car seat you are using?

And Eat em up today Tigers!

UMichGirl · August 2013

DawnLilly said:
My son is just 14 months and exactly the same. Although, he doesn't talk but signs and has been walking unassisted since nine months.

Your son sounds like he's bored. It's okay he doesn't play with toys. Put a mattress at the bottom of the stairs and let him climb. Take all the cushions off the couches and jump around. If you can wear him out more it will be easier for him to sit when he needs to.

I give DS some cheese chunks on the coffee table about an hour before dinner that way he's a little calmer and not starving at dinner. Try giving him a fork too it will engage his brain when eating.

I agree with the post about what car seat you are using?

And Eat em up today Tigers!

Go Tigers!!!!!

He was in a Britax Advocate. Now we are borrowing a friend's Evenflo...something. Forget the specific name. Thank you for the tips!

DawnLilly · August 2013

Oh yea and I forgot to mention DS is absolutely obsessed with wheels. He will flip his stroller over and just spin the wheel forever. When we go to the farm he checks out all the tractors and their tires. This is him in April.

+Preppy+ · August 2013

DS went through a phase when he learned how to walk where he was constantly on the move - wouldn't sit still in my lap, wouldn't let me cuddle him or anything. We stopped going to restaurants for a while because he wouldn't hold still. I truly think because he was learning to walk, he wanted to practice that skill and sitting wasn't cutting it. This phase was 12-14ish months. DS is now 16 mo and has calmed down some. He loves to cuddle and has more of an attention span. He will sit and calmly play with his cars and read books. When he was 13 mo old, he would try to wriggle away from me from reading, so its nice now that he can sit and "read" for 10+ min on his own. He's also really good at restaurants now. I dont have to worry about him melting down about not being able to walk around the restaurant. Hopefully its a phase and he will chill out! It was one of our toughest phases. Oh and my DS' favorite toys are the non toys in our house- he loves soda bottles, tupperware covers, etc. I would be a tad concerned about the spinning of the wheels, but that sounds like the only unusual thing he does. I probably wouldn't worry about it! ETA: I had this broken in paragraphs...

ebalkits · August 2013

I'm a speech pathologist and actually worked in early intervention for 7 years. Some of the behaviors you're describing sound completely typical and some seem a bit concerning (e.g., his play skills, poor eye contact and extremely high activity level). It might be a good idea to have him evaluated by early intervention to see if there's any sort of delay. I don't know what state you're in, but it sometimes can take a month or two just to get the evaluation. If he needs anything, the earlier you get him services, the better. If it's nothing, at least you and your husband will have peace of mind.

RMama2012 · August 2013

It seems normal to me and my son does all the same things but is only slightly less active and less verbal. I used to worry about the wheel spinning but in the last month or so he barely spins and now just pushes cars along. He is difficult in a high chair but I entertain him most of the time. I give him " new" things like a whisk or another kitchen item. 2 minutes is the typical attn span of a 15 month old. Reading that helped me and DH not worry as much. Our nieces and nephews aren't as active as DS so we weren't used to the pace he moved at. Just today I was calling his name and he was ignoring me Until I said "look!" And he did to see what was so interesting. Other times he responds right away. However, it never hurts to get an evaluation and it will put you at ease. Worst case- he needs some help and you'll be well on the way of getting it for him.

Julz629 · August 2013

DS is 21 months old and we don't have the same concerns as you, but I had to respond because I noticed your screen name -- I am also from Michigan. Our concerns are communication -- DS is delayed in his expressive communication skills (receptive language is fine). We have been working with the Early On group out of Wayne County.

For us, the process has been quite slow. DS was evaluated in May, we received his action plan in June, found out in July that there is a hold on speech therapy, and as of our appointment this morning, we are still waiting (likely at least another month). So it will likely be at least 4 months before we get any of the services we qualify for. If you have any concerns at all, I would recommend setting up an evaluation now. If your son qualifies, it will just help you get the services that much quicker. If not, then you can rest easy at night. You have to fall 20% (or more) behind in any individual category to qualify for services.

Honestly, my DH sounds the same as yours. He was so worried that DS wasn't talking or saying enough words. His mind automatically assumes the worst case scenario and he assumed that DS had a developmental delay. It was so so so helpful for him to attend the evaluation and see that DS was meeting all of his other milestones and is likely just a late talker. It was helpful for him to hear it from a professional, as opposed to me constantly telling him. So while we have yet to receive any of the services, it has been helpful for DH and we are hoping to begin speech therapy soon.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have any more specific questions about my experiences with Early On or anything like that...

UMichGirl · August 2013

dbliesmer said:

Have you tried putting him FF? I know it's not recommended but for some of my friends it worked wonders and they don't have crying fits anymore.
Is he hot when you take him out of the seat? My LO gets overly hot, so maybe looking into getting better circulation to him like a fan or something to cool him off might help.
As far as the toys, I think that is totally normal for the age. All kids seem to like playing with the non toys rather than all the real toys. I've heard plenty of stories about kids playing in the box for the toy versus the actual toy. It's just them exploring. He sounds like he is an inquisitive boy and could also be why he doesn't like to sit still. My nephew actually never learned to sit up on his own. He learned to crawl and the was doing that nonstop until he learned to walk.

We have not tried forward facing, no...I'm nervous to do that before the recommended age of 2. Although this prompts another question of mine that I may have to post!

I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your responses. You've really helped me to feel better about the situation and I'm kind of keeping an eye on things (although I swear since I posted this DS has started pushing his trucks around, and begun to independently play for a few minutes at a time which is HUGE).

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