anyone here heard of a man having trouble...

MJN9510 · August 2013

Reaching orgasm? Sorry if this is tmi, but I have a friend who has been divorced 2 years and is in a fairly new relationship. He has told her that she probably won't be able to get him to orgasm and he says it has nothing to do with her. But she is worried that it IS because of her. She says he has no trouble getting,aroused. He told her he would talk more about it with her some other time, but it has left her feeling confused. Anyone heard of this?

KJmashup · August 2013

Is he on beta blockers, by any chance? Because that'll do it.

Libby1978 · August 2013

I dated a guy that couldn't reach it when he had been drinking.

bumpuser1691848 · August 2013

Libby1978 said:

I dated a guy that couldn't reach it when he had been drinking.

Same here. Or in water.

MJN9510 · August 2013

Yea in sure it's not her, she just isn't used to a guy having trouble. I told her not to worry, and in sure he'll talk to her about or more soon.

catycate · August 2013

Anti depressants can affect it, too. DH had been on them for years when we met and had "retrained" himself to be able to, but had to "train" again to have sex when he came off of them.

acaudill75 · August 2013

I have had several guy friends tell me that it takes them forever. Like, with every girl they have ever been with.

ThePolishHammer · August 2013

It's possible. Drinking, medicine, performance anxiety.. It could be anything.

MJN9510 · August 2013

He hasn't,mentioned to her if he has trouble during intercourse and they haven't gotten that far. But she said, the way things are going, she suspects that will be coming soon.

NotSharknado · August 2013

emkatrine said:

MJN9510 said:

He hasn't,mentioned to her if he has trouble during intercourse and they haven't gotten that far. But she said, the way things are going, she suspects that will be coming soon.

Or not.

/dead

mejane123 · August 2013

Spooko said:

If he was really upfront about it right away like that, IDK why she would put that blame on herself.

I'd think it would be depend on how he said it. I could definitely see taking it as, "It takes someone super special with super duper skills to get me off" if you were even the slightest bit insecure. I actually had an ex tell me he could only go twice in one night if it was a "really special occasion." Which it apparently never was with me, so of course I felt mighty shitty and somewhat worthless. He was a douche, BTW.

As to the original question, it took my ex BF about two months before he was able to O, and it took some hard (no pun intended) work to get him there. Closer to the end of our relationship (I probably should've known what was coming), he became unable to again, and according to him, for quite a while after into his next relationship. It was no doubt psychological. He had major issues with his dad, he had the lowest of low self-esteem, was incredibly hard on himself if he couldn't get absolutely everything done perfectly, failure was never an option, etc. etc. He was the epitome of someone who needed to "find" himself.

acaudill75 · August 2013

MJN9510 said:

He hasn't,mentioned to her if he has trouble during intercourse and they haven't gotten that far. But she said, the way things are going, she suspects that will be coming soon.

TWSS.

Sorry, I am emotionally a 12 year old.

Unknown · August 2013

This content has been removed.

ifwisheswerefishes · August 2013

ameyer8009 said:

I had an asshole of a guy friend who used to tell this to girls so they worked extra hard and felt special when they got him to orgasm.

Woah, what a dick!

ETA: I just realized how that sounded. Carry on.

izzourclue · August 2013

Nothing to do with her, but if he's not on medication and this has been a lifelong issue for him, he may want to see a doctor. It's probably mental. It's not unusual. Or he's lying to her so she'll do it with him without protection thinking there's no concern with getting pregnant.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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MelissaRae1525 · August 2013

My ex never O'd from head. He told me that he couldn't when we first started dating and I was determined to. A few years later a many marathon oral sessions he never did. No problem with regular sex though.
I also had a FWB once that (I don't think) ever did. We would have sex for a long time and he wouldn't finish by the time I was ready to tap out so I would offer other things but he would say it's fine and he wasn't going to finish. So then he'd leave and I'd go to bed. Pretty good arrangement for a FWB.

LuckyDad · August 2013

There's a thing called "Deathgrip Masturbation" where some guys who grow up on porn get used to a certain way of getting off. If they are rough with their penis it can lead to difficulty in orgasm in an actual, real vagina, especially since real sex is rarely as brutally stimulating as porn.

Almost every guy has at least some issues in his life with either Erectile Dysfunction (ED) Premature Ejaculation (PE) or this sort of thing. It can be very disheartening for men to deal with these issues.

mejane123 · August 2013

Spooko said:

@mejane123. All I mean by IDK why is that she shouldn't be. Doesn't matter how he said it. Not her problem since it's preexisting. Either she goes forward knowing it could be an issue, or she cuts bait. But she shouldn't be taking those negative feelings onto herself. It's setting her up for a long, uphill fight to keep her self esteem.

I agree entirely, I was just thinking of another way it could be construed. Hopefully she'll just take it as a challenge

izzourclue · August 2013

LuckyDad said:

There's a thing called "Deathgrip Masturbation" where some guys who grow up on porn get used to a certain way of getting off. If they are rough with their penis it can lead to difficulty in orgasm in an actual, real vagina, especially since real sex is rarely as brutally stimulating as porn.

Almost every guy has at least some issues in his life with either Erectile Dysfunction (ED) Premature Ejaculation (PE) or this sort of thing. It can be very disheartening for men to deal with these issues.

What? I need some more explanation on what you mean by "brutally stimulating" and how porn can be more stimulating than actual sex. If a dude is more stimulated by porn than actual sex, he may have intimacy issues.

LuckyDad · August 2013

izzourclue said:

LuckyDad said:

There's a thing called "Deathgrip Masturbation" where some guys who grow up on porn get used to a certain way of getting off. If they are rough with their penis it can lead to difficulty in orgasm in an actual, real vagina, especially since real sex is rarely as brutally stimulating as porn.

Almost every guy has at least some issues in his life with either Erectile Dysfunction (ED) Premature Ejaculation (PE) or this sort of thing. It can be very disheartening for men to deal with these issues.

What? I need some more explanation on what you mean by "brutally stimulating" and how porn can be more stimulating than actual sex. If a dude is more stimulated by porn than actual sex, he may have intimacy issues.

Porn sex is intense and often kinky. The women never (seem) to have issues with wetness or discomfort. The men are always rock hard and ready. I personally agree that real sex is better.

But yeah, I think a lot of people, men especially, do have intimacy issues. A lot of guys are either distant or clingy.

izzourclue · August 2013

@LuckyDad thanks!

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