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Intro - Thinking About Discussion

nrcrossnrcross member
in Adoption
I have been lurking for a while now, and I wanted to say how supportive all of you ladies are. The back story, My husband and I started TTC in June of 2012. We have no problems getting pregnant, but we never stay pregnant. We have had three miscarriages resulting in 2 D&C's. I have also had a surgery to remove scar tissue, but now I will need another surgery if I want to continuing ttc. Personally I want to be done and I am excited to adopt. My husband and I have discussed it and are looking at foster to adopt a child 5 years and younger (possible sibling set). My husband although not opposed to adoption is scared and would prefer that we keep ttc. I am not against trying later on to have a biological child, but right now I don't feel like that is the path I am meant to take. Has anyone else dealt with this issue? I hope it is ok if I join this board, even if we have not started the adoption process yet. 

TTC Since June 2012 BFP #1 08/01/12, D&C 09/07/12 9 weeks, Blighted Ovum BFP #2 01/01/13 m/c 5 weeks BFP #3 03/02/13 D&C 4/15/13 m/c 11 weeks, 07/19/13 Hysteroscopy for Scar Tissue, 9/12813 Hysteroscopy & Laparoscopy for Scar Tissue, Cleared to TTC October 2013. 

BFP # 4 11/01/2013 EDD 07/12/14

Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?

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Re: Intro - Thinking About Discussion

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    bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    It's great for you post here! I'm sorry to hear of your losses, that must be very difficult. I think most couples arrive at being ready to adopt at different times, just like with TTC. Keep the topic open for discussion and educate yourselves about the process - more knowledge can help ease the fear and uncert. If you have any questions this is a great place to ask. :)
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    Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    What you're experiencing is very typical. I think it's rare for couples to be on the same page about adoption throughout the process.

    In our experience, I was ready about 6 months before DH was. I had 3 m/c's, and thinking of going to the RE was giving me anxiety attacks. We even set a (flexible) date where our focus and energy would be focused more on adoption. I was so excited to read stuff and tell him about it, and he felt I was pressuring him. We agreed that I would share info and let him know about online info seminars, etc. but he would let me know when he was ready to pull the trigger.

    His biggest fear was about how intrusive/invasive the home study would be. What calmed his fears were actually calling a couple of agencies and having them walk us through it. Once that fear of the unknown was worked out in his head, it was full steam ahead.

    I would suggest talking to your H about his specific fears and how you might address them.

    GL and welcome.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    BooksBoots&BrowniesBooksBoots&Brownies
    Hello!  I'm so sorry for your losses.  I have a similar circumstance (2 stillbirths, 4 MC) and have been ready to move on to adoption since we lost our son last September, but it has taken my husband MUCH longer to get to the point of acceptance.  We are just now doing our home study (our home visit is on Friday!)  I wish I could say he was as excited as I am, but I don't think that will happen until he meets our baby one day.

    I had a very hard time waiting for my husband to heal from our losses.  Like Dr. L said, it's hard to discuss adoption with a spouse who isn't ready because they feel so pressured, and honestly, that put a big strain on our marriage at several points during the last year.  He has made lots of progress, but it has taken time and patience from me.  Since patience hasn't always been my strong suit, I'm growing a lot from this, too.

    The best thing I did while waiting for him to come around was taking time to do things I enjoyed and made me feel successful (since pregnancy loss tends to beat your self esteem down.)  I did crafty projects, tried new recipes, and finished my Master's degree.  I also focused on doing fun things with my husband that we won't be able to do when we have a baby- like taking random overnight trips on weekends and eating dinner at nice (but not child-friendly) restaurants.

    Hope that helps, and good luck with everything!
    Married to my awesome husband 6/09~Grace June, stillborn 2/10~MC 10/10, 1/11, 7/11, 9/11~James Lamar, stillborn 9/12~Hoping to Adopt!
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    kva11ishokva11isho member
    Good luck!  It took my hubby a little longer than it took me to be onboard with adoption, too.  He'll get there!  I read the book "Called to Adoption" and it answered a lot of the questions and fears we had initially.

    we are until forever...
    check out our blog


    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

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    nrcrossnrcross member
    Thank you for the warm welcome. I am very excited about this process and I hope my husband gets there too. I agree the hardest part about the journey to become parents so far is that nothing has been in our control (which is very hard for a planner). I look forward to learning from all of you wonderful ladies.

    TTC Since June 2012 BFP #1 08/01/12, D&C 09/07/12 9 weeks, Blighted Ovum BFP #2 01/01/13 m/c 5 weeks BFP #3 03/02/13 D&C 4/15/13 m/c 11 weeks, 07/19/13 Hysteroscopy for Scar Tissue, 9/12813 Hysteroscopy & Laparoscopy for Scar Tissue, Cleared to TTC October 2013. 

    BFP # 4 11/01/2013 EDD 07/12/14

    Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?

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