Just need an opinion

HisChamaoleGirl · August 2013

For the last two summers after SS has left I have made him a book of the summer's adventures on shutterfly. After I make it I send it to him at his home. I find myself exhausted and more every day and I just don't know if I am going to have the time or energy to make one for him this summer. With his attitude this visitation I wonder if he would even appreciate it. BM did ask me to send her pictures of his summer and I agreed to email them to her. Is sending her the pictures enough or have the two previous summer's books set a pattern I need to follow? I dont think there is a right or wrong answer here, but I thought I'd ask for opinions.

Lavender P · August 2013

I don't think you are obligated to do anything. I think it is nice you have done it previously and it is something you might want to keep up doing as a tradition. I would at the very least send her the pictures since you told her you would. As a side note, i would still encourage to make a book and keep one at your house for the future. First, because it is full of nice memories and secondly because it I'll be a nice way to reminisce with SS and show him how much you care. If I remember correctly, you are going to have a baby. This way next summer SS will have that to look at as his memories as part of your family instead of feeling like he isn't included since he isn't always there.

HoolyGo · August 2013

I don't remember how old your SS is, but if he is an older teenager, I'd probably skip it. If he's still pretty young, I'd try my best to find the energy to still do it.

SimpleJane · August 2013

I would do my best to try. Maybe he will not appreciate it this year, but if it is a tradition to receive this at the end of the summer Im assuming he has been keeping them or BM has kept track of them. It would be nice when he is older to have those memories of the summers he spent with you guys and even if he doesnt appreciate it now he may in a few years when he looks back. He will see the effort you made.

That being said, you always need to put your health and well being first, and if you really cant fit it in right now, or it will be just too much to add something else to your plate then go ahead and skip it or send it later in the fall when you have more time.

HisChamaoleGirl · August 2013

Spooko said:

I'd just throw the pictures into their "easy" path and be done with it. I get pregnancy exhaustion but I don't think it's THAT much work to upload them (which you'd be doing for the email anyways) and then letting shutterfly put them in a book.

The books I've done in the past are in order of day by day activities and with journal entries. You're right that just letting Shutterfly do it for me would be easy .... I may consider that ....

HisChamaoleGirl · August 2013

Lavender P said:

I don't think you are obligated to do anything. I think it is nice you have done it previously and it is something you might want to keep up doing as a tradition. I would at the very least send her the pictures since you told her you would. As a side note, i would still encourage to make a book and keep one at your house for the future. First, because it is full of nice memories and secondly because it I'll be a nice way to reminisce with SS and show him how much you care. If I remember correctly, you are going to have a baby. This way next summer SS will have that to look at as his memories as part of your family instead of feeling like he isn't included since he isn't always there.

That's a good point. I should at least make one for him in our home. I honestly have wondered if SS still has the books from previous years bc BM has expressed she did not like them.

HisChamaoleGirl · August 2013

Thanks for all of the advice ladies. I really appreciate it.

Sunday924 · August 2013

BM doesn't like the books but requested pictures? You are too nice for sending her pictures!

twister22 · August 2013

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Lavender P said:

I don't think you are obligated to do anything. I think it is nice you have done it previously and it is something you might want to keep up doing as a tradition. I would at the very least send her the pictures since you told her you would. As a side note, i would still encourage to make a book and keep one at your house for the future. First, because it is full of nice memories and secondly because it I'll be a nice way to reminisce with SS and show him how much you care. If I remember correctly, you are going to have a baby. This way next summer SS will have that to look at as his memories as part of your family instead of feeling like he isn't included since he isn't always there.

That's a good point. I should at least make one for him in our home. I honestly have wondered if SS still has the books from previous years bc BM has expressed she did not like them.

What did BM say? And why would she request pictures if she doesn't like the books? Something isn't adding up.

And FWIW, I would still make the books. Maybe not as elaborate, but I would definitely make it.

Ilumine · August 2013

1) Make the easy book. If you don't do it this time, EVEN IF SS doesn't like them because he is now too cool, he WILL (either internally or be directed) think that you stopped doing it because you have your own child coming.

Head that one - which will be thrown at you in a future fight - off at the pass.

2) Make the easy book because he needs to have visual reminders about you guys. Even if its just one time before BM packs them away or throws them out, he needs to know that you care so that there is always that foundation of normalcy deep down.

3) Stop sending pictures unless BM sends you regular pictures. This is NOT a tit-for-tat thing, but a normal consequence of life.

I know that we JUST had this parable in Church two weeks ago and I am now a really bad Christian, but Jesus was not saying that we become doormats over everything to get into heaven.

Ilumine · August 2013

Actually, what I would do is send SS the pictures to his email. If he doesnt have one, then maybe just throw BM one or two of them where YOU all were in the shot.

Hopeforthebest · August 2013

Ilumine said:

1) Make the easy book. If you don't do it this time, EVEN IF SS doesn't like them because he is now too cool, he WILL (either internally or be directed) think that you stopped doing it because you have your own child coming.

Head that one - which will be thrown at you in a future fight - off at the pass.

2) Make the easy book because he needs to have visual reminders about you guys. Even if its just one time before BM packs them away or throws them out, he needs to know that you care so that there is always that foundation of normalcy deep down.

3) Stop sending pictures unless BM sends you regular pictures. This is NOT a tit-for-tat thing, but a normal consequence of life.

I know that we JUST had this parable in Church two weeks ago and I am now a really bad Christian, but Jesus was not saying that we become doormats over everything to get into heaven.

AGreed 100%

Littlejen22 · August 2013

Honestly I look at it as I would with my kids. The age 3.5 to 4.5 ukl

Sigir · August 2013

Ita w ppers. Def still do the book but do whatever makes it easiest as possible. Maybe even an album frm michaels where you slide the printed pics in. The details don't matter to a kid his age but he will notice if you don't do it.

I am kind of in a similar boat, but a little further down the road than you. I have an 8 yr old, a 1 yr old and am pregnant w number 3. I def don't do as much detailed stuff for my dc8 as I used to and I do feel guilty sometimes. But i have adapted and figured out how to still do nice things, on a lesser scale- and it works. My dc8 still loves the things i do, and i can keep my sanity (mostly). She would notice if i just stopped cold turkey. Even if your Ss does not express his appreciation as much, he notices that you do it for him, and it's a wonderful momento.

Let me tell you, after the baby is here you will be even more tired... It's probably next years book that will be the real challenge!!!!! So start learning now how to do nice things on a lesser scale and you'll be ahead of the curve for next time.

CFjo2010 · August 2013

I agree with PPS: go ahead and make the book. But ya know what? Don't do it right now. You're about to have a baby, and you don't need to exhaust yourself. Load the pictures, log the dates while you remember and then work on it here and there as you feel up to it. When you finish it, email the link of the finished book to SS/BM and say something like "Finally got this finished up. Had a blast with you this Summer and can't wait to look through the book with you".

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