Strip Club WWYD

ThisIsJustMyAE · August 2013

My DH is a good guy. He's all-in-all a good husband, great dad, etc. He works really hard and when he gets a chance to get loose (which I'll admit is VERY rarely), sometimes he gets pretty loose and acts like a moron. So, he went to a bachelor party last weekend. The last time he went to a strip club was HIS bachelor party years ago and I remember hearing he got a lap dance and that made me really uncomfortable, but I just let it go. So this time I specified that I want him to have a good time, but no lap dances. He was going with just two other guys, much younger than him, neither one of them had ever been to a strip club and this was not exactly DH's first time.

So the next day he was telling me about the night and how hilarious the two other guys were, without going into too much detail. I was fine with all that. Then he prefaced his next little story with, "Now you can't hold this against me..." And I said I'm not sure I could promise that/don't know if I want to hear this. But he said no, no, it's not that bad. So he described how the strip club is set up (I've never been) and how it works. He said towards the end of the night, the girls were dancing in front of them and you're supposed to tip. He was saying that when the girls would go in front of him, he would smack their asses and was encouraging one of the other guys to do it too saying, "Come on, they like it!"

I am seriously repulsed. I'm not a prude. But I really hoped/expected my DH (as a married father, not a horny 18-year-old) to just be there, drink, tip, look, whatever. He knows I find strip clubs to be degrading. But I find them to be degrading because of people like my husband

I just feel like he was being so sleazy and gross. I'm disappointed and could not be less attracted to him than I am now. He didn't think it was a big deal and just said he didn't know why he told me.

So, WWYD? Am I right to be angry? Is this just something guys do and he should have kept his mouth shut? I'd really appreciate some other perspectives here.

BoopADoopBetty · August 2013

I'm really trying to think of how I'd handle the situation, and I honestly just don't know. I mean, granted he refrained from the lap dance like you had asked (men tend to be literal, so they think it just refers to no lap dances only), but I could never imagine spanking a girl's ass and trying to get others to do it.

insertclevername · August 2013

Onederful Mother said:
Well, I don't have a problem with strip clubs, at all. In fact, I think they are a great time and I am usually the one encouraging the trip to them anytime we go. All that being said:

I think it's pretty horrible that he was slapping the girl's butts and I'm sure they didn't appreciate it. I would be mad at my husband for disrespecting the women like that.

All of this. I have no issue with my H going to strip clubs or getting lap dances. I would have an issue with him slapping the women's asses though. That is rude and disrespectful behavior. I am honestly surprised he dodn't get kicked out of the club for it.

ThisIsJustMyAE · August 2013

Original questions-- 1) Yes. 2) Harry 3) Me too

Onederful, right. The disrespect is my main issue. And I kinda feel disrespected just as his wife. Ugh, I'm so embarrassed.

ThisIsJustMyAE · August 2013

I feel humiliated just talking about this. It's really made me take a step back and just think, "This is your husband. This is the father of your child." I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or being dramatic. I'm just so disturbed and disgusted by this. We have a son and it's really important to me that we teach him to be respectful of women and how to treat a woman/SO/whomever. DH goes to a strip club and THIS is how he acts? I feel like this is inappropriate behavior for ANYONE, much less a married man, no? I would be pissed if DH groped some woman, should I not be pissed because it was in a strip club? Are bachelor parties just a free for all? I'm so frustrated.

So, what exactly would you do? This weekend has been so hectic, I haven't really had a chance to talk with him about it. I was too flabbergasted when he told me and he just tried to downplay it and obviously didn't bring it back up.

dholsapp · August 2013

First, I appreciate you answering the question about favorite 1D member... it is a rule around these parts of SB.

Second, I didn't even think you were allowed to touch the strippers at a strip club. I thought that was like a strip club rule. I could be wrong, as I haven't brushed up on my strip club etiquette lately. I agree with what everyone else has said though. Just let him know very bluntly that you don't like him touching other women. Ask him if it would be okay for you to walk up to a random man on the street and grab his package and then run off yelling, "He likes it!"

ThisIsJustMyAE · August 2013

I knew you all would help me sort through this and I sincerely appreciate that. I'll talk to him tonight. I can't let this go and don't think I should. I don't know what the f he was thinking and I'm a bit amazed that I need to explain why I'm not cool with this. The grabbing a stranger's package example is perfect. I was looking for a good metaphor to help him "get it" and I think that's a good one.

Also, I don't know why it was ok (or at least acceptable enough not to be thrown out) to touch the dancers. This particular club is kind of known as a lesser quality club :P

I needed the virtual hug and the validation. Thank you all.

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