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Ilumine question...and anyone else that wants to chime in.

HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
in Blended Families

Your response to another poster is relevant to something I've been struggling with the last week or so.

DH and I and BM are on horrible/awful/no good/very bad terms. I've never been a tit for tat person. I prefer to ignore bad behavior, unless it is a HAVE to respond kind of thing.

Where I struggle is knowing that no matter what we do (if we were to send pics/handmade crafts the kids make during our 6wks/etc) during summer she will not do the same for us. She has the kids the majority of the time, and therefore has many more opportunity to send a trinket here or there. Father's Day/DH's birthday. (The kids are too young to send by themselves and I've sent preaddressed/Stamped envelopes before with no luck).

So do we just go on like we've been going on. NO communication because she refuses to answer any questions, just flat out refuses. Or take the first (actually not first we've tried before) step and olive branch send a trinket?

I hope this makes sense. I've been up way too early already this a.m. and it is a Monday.

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Re: Ilumine question...and anyone else that wants to chime in.

  • IlumineIlumine member
    You pick and choose your battles.  

    Look, my response to Cham was a bit specific to her situation.  She is bending over backwards to provide a BM something that is not only not reciprocated, but not for her SS.  

    Cham is about to pop a baby.  Cham works.  Cham has a SS who lives THOUSANDS of miles away and only sees him once or twice a year.  

    Cham does not have to run herself ragged to be the better person. The point of The Good Samaritan Parable is to show MERCY and to explain who your neighbor is (everyone, even your enemy).  

    Sending pictures to someone who will only USE and ABUSE the pictures is not providing MERCY.  Which is why I suggested that she keep sending the books and provide the pictures to her SS.  

    In your situation, I would continue to send one or two pictures during the week and maybe a craft or two. Letting her see her kids and know what they are doing and that they are ok is showing MERCY.  Going more than that, depending on WHY you are doing it is not 

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    Thank you for your response.

     

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