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Blended Families
BM's next bipolar move...
So last time I posted, BM had "acted" like she wanted to stipulate out of court with us as far as CS, etc is concerned, (of course, by out of court, we mean through OUR attorney since we're not dealing with her crazy BS anymore) She wanted to stay out of court SO badly but then in her last email, she wrote a huge nasty gram on how WE should rent a cheaper home and sell our cars and get cheaper ones in order to give her MORE - when she is already getting twice the amount she should, according to the state, because of an error in the previous state! (How many people get $2,432/month for an 11 and 15yr old who have no special needs and whose dad is in the military???) She thinks she's still getting the short end of the stick.
So anyway, BM knew a downward deviation in CS was coming since the error was discovered and since we all moved to different states, but she's been trying to put it off, she refuses to work and so on.
In her last email she not only told us to rent a cheaper house and sell our vehicles - she told us that we are, quote" "trying to take money from her to support our "lifestyle"" and that she should continue to get the amount she's getting. Period. Don't want to stipulate. (Mind you - for those that don't know - BM chooses not to work, says she "can't" - is remarried, drives a brand new SUV, new husband bought a home, and she is constantly going to Hawaii, the Caribbean, got a boob job and so on...I could go on for days...and DH and myself struggle due to the amount of CS going out - we both work and have never been on a vacation together or do anything "fun" that costs extra money besides maybe going to a movie here or there - not sure what "lifestyle" she's talking about as far as we're concerned!!)
DH's point is, she needs to ALSO be financially responsible in some regard for their children as well - and she should be. She does NOTHING for the kids.
So, we fwd'd that email onto our attorney and said "Schedule the court date" and we didn't respond back to BM's crazy email. Fast forward to last night. DH gets off work and realizes he has a missed call from cuckoo case. She NEVER calls DH - on the mssg she says " Uhhh Hi. I just wanted to say, about my last email - I think I was really upset and said a lot of stuff I shouldn't have.I was hoping, if you like, you can call me and we can go ahead and discuss the CS and stuff like that..."
HA. Is someone scared to actually go to court and get their arse handed to them???? I think so.
So our attorney said, send her a short email acknowledging the voicemail and tell her to contact our attorney. (Because we're definitely not calling the unstable looney toon back) We wrote a short, professionally blunt email that he got her mssg, and as discussed before, she should contact our attorney promptly about this matter. Hopefully it gets handled before the pending court date and if all is agreed to and in writing before the court date, then there's no need to go to court. If she drags her feet though, we let her know the court date is still scheduled and if it's not all agreed upon and written up before that time, then we're definitely still going to court. We've given her more than enough time and more than enough concessions with this crap. I think she's just scared now that all her crazy sh!t will come out in court- her emails, text mssgs, the fact that she should be working or supporting her children in some way and the fact that the CS will be lowered AND we'rre having a baby in 5 months! (all things BM doesn't want to face...)
I feel like we're finally about to make some major progress. And I think BM is really worried and possibly talked to an attorney who told her she IS getting a LOT of CS and what it could be lowered to, that she can't just say "I'm not working" with school aged children who are almost 12 and 16, plus that her ranting emails don't help her to look like a sane, reasonable person. I'm curious to see where this goes now. Either way, there still isa pending court date and I don't mind if it ends up going that route either. Like DH told her in his email - she can contact the attorney and that is in EVERYONE'S best interest so the numbers are calculated FAIRLY, according to the state guidelines regarding the childrens' needs as defined by the state. (not as defined by psycho path and what money she thinks she deserves!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BM's next bipolar move...
DO NOT GO TO MEDIATION. GO TO COURT.
Have her behavior brought up infront of the courts for all the world to see. That way, even if you do not get the boys, any FURTHER craziness on her part will only be held against her.
This is the BEST protection.
I second court - you need to get all of this irratic behaviour documented by the courts for sure!
Also, I'm so oblivious! Congrats on the baby!!!! That is such great news, you guys deserve some happiness after all of this.
I would go to court also. We are lucky to have custody of my SD -- without the judge stepping in. BM was just not really interested in being a mom for our munchkin (or for her 1/2 sister from another father) even before I came into the picture.
I can see why you may want to keep things friendly but, just save yourself some time!! Lady sounds like a true winner. Best wishes for you and your DH.
Being a SM myself to a stellar kid I get where you're coming from, just be sensitive to use the term "Bipolar"... whether she seems crazy or not (and she does!- I thought we had the BM from hell to deal with) her erratic behavior mght just well be a serious mental health issue-- and that's not a character flaw, it's a real thing that is painful to deal with (I know, I have BP Type 2).
What an insane amount of CS for a person to receive- especially given that you paint a picture of your husband's military salary almost bankrupting you both once you pay the nutjob. Even in an income share state (which is where I am-- it sounds like VA must be, too?) then let's hope that, "what goes around comes around" where she is concerned, and the judge your H gets on that day in court is sensitive to your family's needs. I echo the idea NOT to go to a mediator- go right to court... the mediators, in my H's experience, only end up making things much worse. Expose her behavior- regardless of cause- and maybe even ask for a psych evaluation based on her flip flopping... 'cuase if the kids see that type of behavior from her, I'd be concerned... maybe if she does turn up having somehting she can get the proper help, and learn how to better deal with your H and their kids.
Good luck & try to stay sane... I always remind myself that with my kids, and with SS, I can show them what it is to have a loving mom who puts her kids first (like we're supposed to do, right?)-- just keep being a good SM and great BM and it'll all come out in the wash with her someday for all to see. ((hugs))
Appreciated.
It took my H convincing me after 7 years together to finally talk to someone about my ups and downs... if she doesn't have that then she probably never will get help. I completely get that she is a matryr- she really sounds like it, we deal with one, too, to a massive extent. I wish you luck. SM's & 2ndW's never get the credit due for dealing with the worst parts of a H's past relationships-- that is, the crazy BM and the problems she will create surrounding the children.