Sad/disappointed of my sisterIn law

Lauguz86 · August 2013

I met my husband almost 7 years ago he used to talk to his ex while
Going out with me, when she found out we were seriously dating she broke his car windows and blow his tires she even called him illegal immigrant over MySpace. Now my sister in law enjoys to bring her in our family she's pregnant 3 months in ahead of me, now she's having her baby shower in two weeks and she's expecting me to go with my little girl and my hubby while my hubby's ex is there. He's careless and he says if he sees her he will go to her face and show her his naturalization certificate, anyways I'm upset because whenever they need anything am always there since she doesn't drive I have drive her everywhere

I don't want to go at all!! Am so frustrated!!!

peanutmuse · August 2013

Honestly, this is an easy problem to fix. Don't go. You don't have to. And you actually don't have to drive your sister in law everywhere. Especially to a shower you won't be attending.

This sounds like it's going to continue to be a problem unless you stand up for yourself. What better time than now?

peanutmuse · August 2013

babywinks said:

I agree wih pp in that technically you don't have to go. But of she and this woman are good friends (I wouldn't be friends with someone who treated my family that way, but to each his own) and you two are really close, she might be really sad about the two of you not being able to be adults and putting your differences aside for one day. Now if your SIL is an ungrateful bish and you don't think this is the case, again you don't have to go.

The bolded doesn't make any sense. Why on earth would she be expected to go to her husband's ex's baby shower? I don't care how close she is to her SIL. My SIL and I are extremely close, but I don't go to her friends' baby showers.

Also, it sounds like the relationship between the ex and her current husband is quite hostile.

ETA: I take it back. See my later responses below.

peanutmuse · August 2013

MarBee1214 said:

I'm confused as to WHO is pregnant...your SIL or your H's ex?

Oooo, good call. I assumed it was the ex. But if it's the SIL, that does change things. The lack of proper punctuation and the use of non-specific pronouns does make it confusing.

ETA: After re-reading it, I think it might the SIL. If that's the case, I change my response. You do have to suck up and deal with it, @Lauguz86. That does make you pretty crappy if you can't be an adult and attend your SIL's shower.

moosebaby2011 · August 2013

peanutmuse said:

babywinks said:

I agree wih pp in that technically you don't have to go. But of she and this woman are good friends (I wouldn't be friends with someone who treated my family that way, but to each his own) and you two are really close, she might be really sad about the two of you not being able to be adults and putting your differences aside for one day. Now if your SIL is an ungrateful bish and you don't think this is the case, again you don't have to go.

The bolded doesn't make any sense. Why on earth would she be expected to go to her husband's ex's baby shower? I don't care how close she is to her SIL. My SIL and I are extremely close, but I don't go to her friends' baby showers.

Also, it sounds like the relationship between the ex and her current husband is quite hostile.

I think it's her SIL's shower and the ex is going to be there.

OP, I think it depends entirely on how your in-laws (and your H) are going to react to you skipping a family event. If it isn't going to cause problems then by all means, don't go. If they'll be upset then I think you have to suck it up and go to the shower. Don't engage in conversation with the ex, and if she speaks to you be polite and keep your responses brief and calm. Don't allow yourself to get pulled into any sort of drama or stress.

peanutmuse · August 2013

Grammatically, when pronouns are used in place of proper names or titles, if you use several of them in a row (especially of the same gender), they should refer to the same person repeatedly. Otherwise it confuses the reader. Hence my confusion, haha. When she said "my sister in law enjoys to bring her in our family she's pregnant 3 months in ahead of me" -- I assumed the "her" and the "she" were the same person. But apparently not.

And people wonder why grammar is so damn important -- here is the proof right here!!

Jmattis · August 2013

If its your SIL's shower in a few days I think you have to go and put your differences aside as much as you don't want to be there. If I were you, I would attend the shower and sit as far away from the ex wife as possilbe. if you feel really uncomfortable you can always politely excuse yourself and leave early. If I was your SIL, I wouldn't want to deal with drama and people telling me who I should and should not invite to my baby shower as its my special day. I'm sure others who attend won't care for everyone in the room, but its for a few hours and everyone can be mature and put their differences aside.

Lauguz86 · August 2013

My sister in law is 7 months pregnant and I am 4 months my sister in law is just inviting my hubby's ex just to make me mad. My hubby can not stand his ex here he was called illegal immigrant he used to buy her clothes and give money to Ex's family. But then they broke up and Ex's family keep asking my hubby for money and clothes!! To be honest my sister in law gave my hubby's ex an extra set of keys so she could go to my hubby's room my mother in law told me that nothing happen sexually but I hear my hubby took her out of the house thanks God his parents were there and took her to her house

cpm1223 · August 2013

Lauguz86 said:

My sister in law is 7 months pregnant and I am 4 months my sister in law is just inviting my hubby's ex just to make me mad. My hubby can not stand his ex here he was called illegal immigrant he used to buy her clothes and give money to Ex's family. But then the broke up and Ex's family keep asking my hubby for money and clothes!!

Does he still give them money?

About the shower, just suck it up and go. You don't have to sit with or talk to your H's ex while you're there.

Lauguz86 · August 2013

@peanutmuse my sister in law doesn't drive so she has to have someone to take her to doctors appointments basically everywhere

cpm1223 · August 2013

Lauguz86 said:

@peanutmuse my sister in law doesn't drive so she has to have someone to take her to doctors appointments basically everywhere

Why does it have to be you? Does she had a significant other, friend or family member who can drive her places? I don't understand why you'd be the one stuck driving her all the time.

peanutmuse · August 2013

Lauguz86 said:

@peanutmuse my sister in law doesn't drive so she has to have someone to take her to doctors appointments basically everywhere

I completely understand that. My point was very simply that it doesn't HAVE to be you.

hopeful808 · August 2013

Personally, I would stop being available to drive your SIL everywhere. As an adult it is her responsibility to drive herself places or find transportation that does not inconvenience others. I would use your pregnancy as the reason that you need to stop driving her. If you don't stop the cycle now, you will be expected to drive her places with a newborn in the middle of winter. At least if you give her notice now she will have time to get a license, get a car, or find another mode of transportation.

As far as the shower issue, if it's your SIL's shower you have to go but your DH does not. He can stay home or be busy that day. Men don't often come to showers so he can get away with staying away from the party. If it's your DH's ex's shower I wouldn't go. I would tell your SIL that something came up and you can't attend the shower.

Lauguz86 · August 2013

@MarBee1214 he is trying to keep his distance but hubby's sister is really doing this to make me mad

Lauguz86 · August 2013

I have told her before lately my mother in law takes her everywhere work/doctor appointments and watch her kids

OSUWifey09 · August 2013

Well then, put on a happy face and go. It'll look bad if you don't go to your SIL's shower, but that doesn't mean you have to give in and put on a mean face for the entire event. My hope for you is that you can go to the shower, keep your distance from the ex and make it out of the party in one piece. Let the ex be the crazycakes if she wants to start drama [or even the SIL]; don't stoop to that level, no matter how hard it is.

My in-laws and I do not get along. At all. But I would still make important events [weddings, baby showers etc.] and put the differences aside to be there. I just keep my mouth shut and hide in the corner.

Lauguz86 · August 2013

I have to do it since I don't have to work I'm available for everybody 24/7 but the truth is I don't work because I don't have to my husband doesn't want me to work pregnant (my pregnancy is a miracle I had a miscarriage before and with this pregnancy doctor put me on bed rest for 2 weeks )

Lauguz86 · August 2013

No he doesn't talk to her at all sorry to say this but he hates her so bad because she humiliated him he's very honest guy but when she called him illegal he promised himself never speak to her /or any of her family

Lauguz86 · August 2013

Also I forgot to mention our baby showers both female and male even children goes to baby shower it's just an excuse to get drunk and party! Trust me I was very surprise when he took me the first time to his aunt baby shower it was fun but weird

cpm1223 · August 2013

OP, I am having a really hard time understanding you. I also can't figure out who you're talking to either so please use the quote button when you're replying to someone's comment (not trying to be a jerk, it will just make this easier for everyone)

Lauguz86 · August 2013

@cpm1233 sorry I'm new on this n I'm barely getting it

peanutmuse · August 2013

Lauguz86 said:

I have to do it since I don't have to work I'm available for everybody 24/7 but the truth is I don't work because I don't have to my husband doesn't want me to work pregnant (my pregnancy is a miracle I had a miscarriage before and with this pregnancy doctor put me on bed rest for 2 weeks )

Every pregnancy is a miracle. There are plenty of us here (myself included) who have had miscarriages, and there are also many who have been on bed rest. Just so you are aware. You don't need to explain to anyone why you don't work.

Lauguz86 · August 2013

@Osewife09 well i do the same but come on inviting my hubby's ex goes off limits I want to tell him but I don't want him to get into a fight with my sister in law I guess I will hide in the corner too

thanks

jnevin123 · August 2013

There was an oddly similar post over on baby showers yesterday-

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12014433/invite-etiquett
e-advice-needed

Looks like everyone has the same advice- be mature about the situation or stay home.

aessary03 · August 2013

1. Why can't the man who knocked up your sister-in-law drive her to her appointments and take her places? Sounds like it's way more his responsibility than yours.

2. If you don't stand up for yourself, be prepared to have these people continue to walk all over you.

3. Why isn't your husband standing up for you?

4. I'd go to the baby shower, but I'd cut most ties from his sister-in-law afterward.

5. Please use punctuation. The only way I was able to decipher what in the hell was going on was by reading the other responses.

mommygrams0730 · August 2013

Why not go and just be pleasent? You don't have to rub it in her face...but go, be gracious and show why your hubby chose you. Clearly the ex and possibly your SIL must have some jealousy issues. To me I'd go and be the bigger person about. Avoid the ex, if she gets in your face simply say this is SIL's day and walk away. If the ex makes a scene then obviously she will look like the idiot. If your hubby can't go and control himself then he really shouldn't go.

sugarland726 · August 2013

Just because you don't work does not automatically nominate you to be the driver for the family. You must go to the shower and you do need to put on a happy face, but the constant driving and abuse of your time bothers me.

Since you are new, if you see the reply button on each post, look two to the left of that and you will see Quote. If you click that, we will know exactly which post you are replying to and it will make it much easier for us to follow.

wedbliss5 · August 2013

If my SIL was constantly inviting my DH's ex to stuff just to make me mad, I wouldn't NOT be driving her ANYWHERE. Look up the number to various cab companies and bus routes in your area and give her the numbers to call when she needs a ride. Or tell her to ask your DH's ex to give her a ride. Let her know you are no longer available to drive her around, and no, she doesn't need a reason why.

Then go to the shower, show off your baby bump, hold your DH's hand, and enjoy YOUR life. Its a shame SIl and DH's ex are trying to make you miserable, but it can only work if you let it. It sucks to have a crappy SIL, but don't let it continue to make you miserable. Suck it up and be the bigger person. In the end, YOU are the one who gets to go home with DH and his baby. Be happy!

cnctf · August 2013

I don't understand why you would even drive your SIL if she's doing all these things to upset you. You state that you have to, but really you don't have to do anything for her. Man up or keep getting taken advantage of. Good luck

MissRdotS · August 2013

peanutmuse said:

Honestly, this is an easy problem to fix. Don't go. You don't have to. And you actually don't have to drive your sister in law everywhere. Especially to a shower you won't be attending.

This sounds like it's going to continue to be a problem unless you stand up for yourself. What better time than now?

This. This. This.

CaliCarly77 · August 2013

If your sister in law invited the ex to the shower to make you mad, then, in my opinion, your sister in law handed you a perfect excuse to decline to attend. Send a nice gift. Don't answer the phone the next few times she calls for a ride.

My sister in law is a horrible monster who takes pleasure in making people cry, so I ignore her. Its not hard.

Find new friends and move on.

Also, please review: https://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/period.htm

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