Postpartum Depression
I don't even know if I qualify
I'm not depressed in the typical definition. I look at my two week old and I just feel... Nothing. I'm relieved that she's here, her birth was relatively traumatic, and when they took me in for the emergency c they weren't sure she was gonna pull through. I'm relieved. But I don't have this massive outpouring of love everyone describes having for their newborn. I feel motherly enough I guess, making sure she's fed and changed and not suffering, but the rest of the time it's almost like I'm indifferent to her existence. I'm terrified to discuss this with my husband. I'm the one that wanted to start a family now, not wait like he originally did. And now this.
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Re: I don't even know if I qualify
I have wanted a baby since I knew I could have one. When I got into my 3rd tri my friend had her baby. I was helping her when her husband went to work the first day after. I was like, "this is... it?" I told my mom about it and she laughed so hard. I was really lucky to be surrounded by really honest, loving mothers. They warned me ahead of time that it's about 23 hrs of hell for that 1 hr of heaven. I think the moms who seem to have a crush on their babies are the weird ones ala #youaremyworld<333333!!!1!11!
The worst thing you can do is feel like you're a bad mom because of it. That will just hurt your bonding cause even more. Your baby, in less then a year, will be calling "mama", hugging your neck, and giggling away.
I wouldnt be afraid to tell your husband. It's hormones. Ive said it before, but sometimes we just have to wait for our hormones to catch up to our hearts. Sometimes that takes medicine and that's ok too. Talking to my doc was the best thing that Ive ever done.
This sounds just like how I was. I didn't look at my baby until a few months ago and really think that I even loved her. I could take care of her needs (mind you she screamed for 6 months before the Dr's put her on Zantac for Reflux), but I could have cared less. My expectations were so high of all of these happy fluffy birth stories and meeting baby for the first time. Or even all the fluffy pregnancy stuff. I hated pregnancy.. I was depressed then. But was fine from 8 months pregnant up until the baby was 6 months. Then realized that I had PPD.
If I could go back.. I would have demanded help right from the time my baby was a month old. Good luck! And chances are, DH will be supportive. Mine has no experience with depression and although he didn't know what to do or say.. he still supported me and helped me out when he wasn't working.
I would also recommend some early interventionists- they do things to help you bond with your baby and it works wonders!