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Working Moms
thedash
member
If you have 2+ LO's
thedash
member
in Working Moms
Please tell me about the logistics after your second (or third,etc.) arrived and your older LO came to meet him or her. DS will stay with my IL's when I go into labor, which is fine. They live nearby and he is used to being there. Months ago I told DH that I want some time as just a family of 4 when DS is first brought to the hospital. My IL's are nice enough but very overwhelming for me and intrusive at times with DS. Also it's not just MIL and FIL, my SIL and BIL live at home and will be with them. Four people total who are all very excitable, loud, and not good with boundaries and giving me privacy. After DS was born they showed up immediately with good intentions but made me miserable for several hours. So I don't want them in the room when we introduce DS to his new sister for the first time. At the time DH said sure, no problem, I'm sure they will understand that. Now that we're almost there he's back peddling and saying it doesn't make sense. He's complaining that he'll have to go pick up DS from their house and bring him to me then call his parents to come get him later. Meanwhile they will be sitting at home upset that they aren't allowed to be there yet. I thought they could just bring DS to the hospital but sit their asses in the waiting room for 15 or 20 minutes to give us some privacy and then come in to meet her. He seems to think this is nuts or rude. Sigh.
Am I being crazy pregnant lady? It's ok to say yes. What did you do? Are you fine with it now or would you do it differently?
Am I being crazy pregnant lady? It's ok to say yes. What did you do? Are you fine with it now or would you do it differently?
DS: 2/17/11 DD: 9/4/13
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you have 2+ LO's
Big hugs to you.
Honestly? You will have plenty of time to be a family of four when you get home from the hospital, no? Why complicate things? Let your IL's bring your oldest in. They won't be there for hours bc let's face it, your oldest won't be able to sit still that long. And your H needs to have a discussion with his parents about how they need to expect it to be a quick visit.
My parents watched DS1 when I had DS2 and brought him to the hospital with them. They were in the room when DS1 met DS2, along with my grandparents and sister. Thinking back on it, I was just so excited to see DS1's reaction to DS2 that I didn't care who was in the room with me. But that is just me, they are also my family, and they don't have boundry issues. They stood back watched DS1 as well. They are more of the helpful type then the complicated type, so I guess you should take my opinion with a grain of salt
GL with whatever you decide
I had several visitors with DD1 and no sleep; I did not want any visitors when I had DD2. DD1 did not meet her sister until I brought her home from the hospital when she was 3 days old. Honestly, DD1 didn't show too much interest in her sister. She was having so much fun with the sitter she wanted to go home with her. The following days it was just the four of us so we had plenty of bonding time.
I would talk to your ILs directly, not thru your DH and just tell them that you would like to introduce the kids quietly and privately first and then let them come in. They might roll their eyes but who cares?
I had my parents bring DD1 to the hospital to meet DD2. Both my mom and dad were in the room which I actually liked because my mom was in charge of taking photos and my dad was the video man
But I totally don't think it's rude ask your inlaws to give you some time with just you, YH, and your LOs. I think the best way is to have them wait in the waiting room. Grab a coffee, relax, and 30 or so minutes later they can visit.
Can you compormise and ask the ILs that they tone it down and not be too overwhelming? You will have family time when you get home. Its not like your child will remember their first meeting with the new baby. I personally think the stress about the siblings meeting always ends up being anticlimatic and disappointing for all.
When I had D2, I didn't want D1 to visit that day because I knew I was going to have a rc/s and I didn't want her seeing me in pain, not being able to get up from the bed. And I was worried that she would be wild and I wouldn't be able to defend myself against flailing arms and legs.
Turns out that D1 ended up having bronchitius and the nurses wouldn't bring the baby in the room when D1 was there on day 2. They let me visit with D1 and let her see the baby though the window. I was upset but I was also home with the baby 2 days later and they got to meet then and they've spent a whole lot of time together since then. No one is scarred for life - well except me but that's what happens with a c/s.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
This.
I think we have come up with a plan. DH is going to tell them when it's ok to head to the hospital but not give them our room number and say to call from the hall or waiting area. Then he'll go out to meet them and say "Dash needs a few more minutes before she's ready for everyone. But she'd really like to see DS. I'm going to take him in and I'll come get you guys in a few minutes." It's not a perfect plan but knowing their personalities I think it's the best we can do.
I could have written this myself. ILs completely overtook things last time around and I was so upset they spent every day with me at the hospital. I needed space to rest and deal and I wanted to spend some time alone with my family, and my baby. It's actually caused some random resentment with MIL because she just was too pushy. I know it kind of made me more standoffish to her this time around and DH told me I was crazy, but I just stressed how important it was to me and said I didn't care.
I had a RCS so it was a little different, but DD2 was born around 1. My parents and ILs came to see her (after we told them it was ok to come) and visited for maybe a half hour or so. They left and went to go pick DD1 up at daycare and brought her to the hospital. They stayed outside in the waiting room, while DH brought DD1 in to see me and meet her sister. I wanted it to be just us for that. I also wanted us to have some time just the 4 of us. After about 15 or so minutes, DH went to go get them outside, and they joined us. I pushed how it was a moment for DH and I, and DD1 - not for everyone else. Honestly I dreamed about that day from the moment I got pregnant and I wasn't having anyone ruin it for me. I held firm, and I had a much better time. I was very clear and upfront with EVERYONE about what would be happening this time around and I don't regret it at all.
I don't think its crazy to have them wait outside the room for a while. It's your moment as a family of four and you deserve to have it be a private moment.
Yes, you'll have plenty of time alone later but they can spend plenty of time visiting all of you at home too.