I need bedtime help!

JBDamonM · August 2013

Hopefully someone has it for me.

So - to give the entire story with all details; LO started daycare last week. Around the same time she has developed a new "thing" at bed time.

Yeah, I'm pretty convinced this child would literally sleep ALL night with my boob hanging out of her mouth if I let her. Every night around 8:30-9:00 I nurse her like I always have but lately she will not let go. I release her. She sleeps for maybe 1 second and then squirms her way right back on, sucks for maybe a second and then sits there. It may not sound like a huge deal (and ultimately it's probably not since she does sleep).... but it's making me CRAZY. Especially now that I'm back at work - last night I sat there for a half hour, battling with her while thinking of the million things I still needed to do to get ready for today. I ended up cranky and frustrated which I HATE. Eventually she gets into a deep enough sleep and/or gets tired enough that it's game over... but it's also frustrating b/c this means bedtime is ALL me....which also needs to stop.

So I really need some help here. Anyone have suggestions?

She's never taken a paci - but I'm wondering if I should try again..... and pop it in when she's clearly done nursing but wants to suckle??? Do you think this is just b/c she wants the closeness of breastfeeding after taking bottles all day at daycare? OR do you think this is just a 4 month wakeful period thing where she doesn't go down as easily? These are all the things I've come up with. Or do I need to just take her off and put her in her crib and start teaching her to put herself to sleep?

I want DH to do bed time Saturday and next week I have a work dinner and he may have to do it. Plus - we need to start sharing this responsibility.... Its tiring for me after working all day.

We go for our four month appointment Tuesday at which time i will talk to the pedi (especially about popping her off and putting her in the crib to put herself down) but in the meantime I'm hoping someone here will have some brillant words of wisdom!??!!?

PennyLane26 · August 2013

I think the paci idea sounds great! It's worth a shot - arm yourself with a handful of different kinds. DD loves the soothies, they are the only ones she'll take. Also, try a wubbanub - now that she is older it will give her something to cuddle. I might be flamed for this, but I let her take it into the crib, it stays weighted on her chest so she can fall asleep without it falling out a million times.

TJ1979 · August 2013

Oh, BTDT! That's the worst. I think she's still too young for sleep training, but you need to find another way. Maybe try you nursing her till she's drowsy, then YH rocking her and putting her down. Or laying her in the crib and patting her chest/belly until she falls asleep.
What is happening is a sleep association. She is using the sucking to fall asleep. Then when she wakes up and it isn't there anymore, she has lost her sleep association, and can't fall back asleep. So you need to break that sleep association so that she can go back to sleep.
Of course, I didn't do all of this until 10 months, and it involved one night of crying it out (really only 25 minutes) but I wouldn't recommend crying it out at that age. But definitely see if you can try a new sleep association. Maybe a lovey? I would hate to introduce a paci now, when she's gone this long without it. GL!

JBDamonM · August 2013

Question for you ladies - I have three kinds of pacifiers at my house - and one kind says ages 6-18 months.... DD is 4 months - is it ok to try? or do I need to follow the ages? I guess I'm having a hard time decifering how there is an age on a pacifier?

ccam · August 2013

Maybe try feeding her and then passing her off to DH so he can rock her to sleep. Maybe because she knows it's you, she just wants to constantly eat while she's sitting with you. I agree with @TJ1979 about introducing a paci now, but if it's a last resort, it might be worth it. DS used a paci only before bedtime. He would eat, then we'd pop the paci in for a little while, he would drift off and spit it out. It's like he needed that extra soothing time to really fall asleep before we put him in his crib. After a few months though, he weaned himself off of it completely.

ETA: Every child is different when it comes to sleep training. You'd know best if you think she is ready.

pb_bride · August 2013

Like TJ, BTDT. It's a very difficult time for us when M was around 3.5-4 months. He was nursing to sleep prior to that, but then he started to do what your DD is doing - he wanted to sleep with my nipple in his mouth! As soon as I unlatched him, he'd frantically search for my nipple or else cried. M never took a paci, we fought with him many times and tried different brands of nipples.

I was so miserable (I SAH and his naps were a nightmare too), so we ended up doing sleep training at 4 months Yes, M was a bit young for that but I couldn't take this any longer. We did wean him off the swaddle and I had seen him suck his fingers for comfort, so I know he could self-soothe.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you - though when we started sleep training, we changed the sleep routine order around so I would nurse M first, then DH took over the bedtime routine. GL!

JBDamonM · August 2013

Thanks for the help ladies!

I agree with everyone who said my DH needs to take over. For some reason hes beeing a butt though - and not getting it. I made him take over last night and he just sat there holding her - didn't get up and go to the glider or walk or anything..... He doesn't seem to get that she's not a newborn anymore and won't just sleep soundly on her own in your arms (or at least not at bed time!).... And I know he's tired from working all day too - but come on, I hate that this has all been on me and hates that it takes SO long.

mcgeeva · August 2013

I would definitely do paci as others said. She can suck on that and soothe herself back to sleep. She needs to learn to self sooth. Otherwise I guess let her cio but that is tough. I would stick with the paci. Maybe she didn't like the particular one you have. I know my son will only do the aveda ones.

kaf7 · August 2013

I think its probably a combo of you being back at work and the 4m wakeful. I had an awful time for about 2-3 weeks too. Then things started to get better and we sleep trained. My LO had always used a paci at bedtime but started waking everytime it fell out.
With our paci brand the older ones are much firmer and bigger so you could try it but it might be too big or hard for your baby to enjoy it. GL I def feel your pain.

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