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April 2013 Moms
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Marriage pressure

Sol1790Sol1790 member
in April 2013 Moms
Just want to vent a little ladies. Me and SO are NOT married. And I feel pressure from my whole family for this. And I am ok with that,we met,fell in love,got pregnant and OMG we are now the worst sinners on earth! (According to my family) Me and him are trying to work at our relationship right now,things are not great,and my family ignores that. They always think "we" don't work out because of me. It can get so frustrating. I feel like my relationship and choice of life style is always being judged. Today we were having lunch and my uncle just straight up asked my SO when are you proposing (rude!) I could tell SO was so uncomfortable it was horrible! Yes I want to call my SO and father of my child "DH" but now is not the time. And I don't want to pressure him either. We might have done things backwards to some people but I am happy this way,it is ok that I am not married. If it happens good,if it doesn't good,why cant people just see that I am ok with out a ring on my finger (sight)
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Re: Marriage pressure

  • tondraluvtondraluv member
    edited August 2013
    I'm so sorry your going through this really. Let me tell you a story......... My best friend hooked up with a guy and got pregnant. Then he proposed to her and they married (keep in mind they were never dating). 6 months later they separated and divorced 8 months after that. Now the baby lives with his grandmother because his parents fight too much. I know this is far from your situation but the only reason I'm telling you this is just to show your family an example that having a child should never be a reason to get married. I think you are doing the right thing by working on your relationship first and building a stronger foundation. Your child and family will benefit from it in the end.

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  • JorlenyJorleny
    I know the feeling!! SO and I are just starting to get things together, and everyone around us keeps bothering with the same thing!
    Even SO has brought it up in the last month and I has to explain to him that marriage is not in the cards for us right now and any time soon.
    We need to work on us before we even consider this and actually live together full time, than me going over two weeks at a time.

    It's getting so frustrating! Just do what you think is right! GL
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  • camdensmom32camdensmom32 member
    SO and I both come from divorced families and have no desire to rush into marriage. My family always hounds us as well about when we are getting married. We may get married some day and we may not. I will be happy either way.
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  • AAAHinkleyAAAHinkley member
    We aren't married either. I do feel like people look down/think different of us because of this but its my life. We are happy with the way things are and hopefully one day we willget married, we talk about it but its not something you rush into. (I did that once before and ended up divorced!)
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  • Sol1790Sol1790 member
    christineeberle said:

    SO and I both come from divorced families and have no desire to rush into marriage. My family always hounds us as well about when we are getting married. We may get married some day and we may not. I will be happy either way.

    Exactly how I feel!
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  • arschm02arschm02 member
    Ahh it drives me crazy when people get married simply because they have a child together. Lets be honest, if "sinning" is the issue, getting married will not change the fact that the baby was conceived prior to marriage, which in case was the "sin" to begin with. Marriage is something that should be taken seriously and given a lot of thought. I applaud you on your choice to actually work on your relationship instead of thinking marriage will just fix it. I'm sorry York family is having such a hard time accepting your CHOICE to not be married.
    "As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen." ~Winnie the Pooh
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  • arschm02arschm02 member
    Your, not york*
    "As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen." ~Winnie the Pooh
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  • Sol1790Sol1790 member
    arschm02 said:

    Ahh it drives me crazy when people get married simply because they have a child together. Lets be honest, if "sinning" is the issue, getting married will not change the fact that the baby was conceived prior to marriage, which in case was the "sin" to begin with.
    Marriage is something that should be taken seriously and given a lot of thought. I applaud you on your choice to actually work on your relationship instead of thinking marriage will just fix it. I'm sorry York family is having such a hard time accepting your CHOICE to not be married.

    It does suck but I am going to stick to my decision,I don't want to be unhappy just to make others happy.
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  • ClandestineXClandestineX member
    Almost everyone in my family has been married and divorced many times over, my husband and I never wanted to get married... or have any children when we came into the relationship. His last marriage lasted 3 months and he was torn about that for 6 years before he started dating again. I did not want to marry because statistically, the odds are really against us and I always believed that you can find lifelong love without a piece of paper and a few tax write offs.

    We decided to get married on the doomsday, 12/21/12. Mainly because we both grown during our 4 years of being together already, and I was pregnant... I guess I did it more for my son than anything and so my husband can now write me as his dependent.

    You shouldn't feel pressured into getting married. I know people being together for 20 years and have many kids together that are not married at all. It is your choice.
     
     
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