I'm going to whine a moment

minervacullen · August 2013

It has been a year and a half since I've gone out with friends, at least I think so. I can't even remember when. People have stopped asking, I don't see any friends except my friend Jenny if she comes to watch True Blood on Sundays, or my friend Jessica about once a month for a play date.
DH goes out every friggen weekend. Not like to a bar or anything. His group of friends go watch their team mates fight in the UFC, golden gloves boxing, jiu jitsu competitions, get togethers at their houses... But every weekend it's something. I'm getting really pissed about it. He has awesome, kind, family oriented, honest, trustworthy, close friends. So I feel bad if I tell him he can't go. I used to go with him, but I can't bring a baby, well technically I could, but I won't. I'm a hairstylist and don't even get time to myself to get my hair done! It's terrible.
He asks his mom to watch the kids so I can go and she says "no, I'll watch then for two hours if you want to take her to a movie" I tried explaining I need time with friends and she said she's just fine without them, so I should be too. I know it isn't her fault, but I wish she'd do it just once.
There's no one else to watch them either. It's another Saturday with just us thus weekend. He's gone from 10-230 every Saturday too.
He has to go train and stuff, it's the only thing that helps with his PTSD.

All done

jac409 · August 2013

Why can't you go along with DH and take the baby with you to friends' houses? If they are good, family oriented guys, I wouldn't hesitate as long as they aren't doing anything they shouldn't be doing. Are their wives/SOs there too? We take DD everywhere with us and she has a good time. She is the only baby in our group of friends, so everyone fights over who gets to hold her. Another idea for you...do you have any other friends with kids? You could do a babysitting exchange where you watch their kids one night while they go out and then they watch yours while you do. Just a thought.

mydixiewrecked · August 2013

I can relate. I used to have a really close circle of friends (or so I thought) but after the ex and I split he said really nasty untrue things about me and most of those people bought it hook,line,and sinker. The town I live in is ridiculously small,so I really don't have any Mom friends. Our Mom's group here is awful. I have one friend who has traded babysitting with me a few times when Connor was younger but now he cries when anyone he doesn't see all the time tries to hold him. My SO has gone out a few times without me, quad riding and such and it's hard not to be jealous.

The MIL thing is weird,why should she care how you spend some downtime?

ExcitedAunt2b · August 2013

You're not whining, you deserve time to yourself too! Is there any way you can ask DH to watch the kids on a weeknight or one night on the weekend? Why does he need to go out both nights with friends? Can you do an afternoon? It's not right that he goes out every weekend and you are home with the kids. There needs to be a compromise here...

myskyegirl · August 2013

Are there any neighborhood kids you trust to watch the lo's or is there a neighborhood babysitting "group". Who do your friends use when they go out for the night? i also agree w/the PP about having hubby watching since he goes out every weekend.

SingleMom31 · August 2013

I wish that you were closer than Holland bc I'd suggest that we trade off weekends occasionally.

I don't mean this to sound the way that it has the potential to sound... I feel like SO gets way more free time and like sometimes I just get stuck at home with DD. Not that I don't love spending time with her and everything, but like you, I'd like to be able to go out without her sometimes. It's not always even to see friends. Sometimes I'd like to just go out by myself. Maybe about a month ago, I went for my first post-baby pedicure. It was so nice to just be alone and not disturbed for an hour.

I sometimes get jealous of some of my friends from HS that still live in Spring Lake and have their parents nearby to watch their kids. I probably shouldn't kid myself to think that my mom would actually watch DD anyway (come on, she's seen her twice in 7 months), but I'd like the opportunity at least. Being 2 1/2 hours away, there's really no chance.

Okay, pitty party over... back to work.

minervacullen · August 2013

My friends all use their parents or in-laws. Milla won't sleep for anyone beside me or MIL. I have brought the kids to his friends a few times, and they have fun, but I want alone time with my friends. I usually have to leave early so I can put DD to sleep, she will not sleep at other peoples houses, unless it's bed time and we have her pnp.
I really don't have options for sitters, if my dad was more involved I'd ask him, but if I did DD would flip since she doesn't know them.
The moms group around here, well they aren't my cup of tea. The ladies are reallllly snooty and I can not deal with that.
Eh, I'll deal.

On a good note I figured out how to send gifs via text message on my iphone. Muahahaha.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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myskyegirl · August 2013

Have you tried to see if they have a local board here at TB. Maybe you could start a moms group with people on your local board?

Jackiemxoxo · August 2013

I agree with PP's about having your DH watch your LO's once in awhile so you can get a Mommy's night out. I hear ya on the hair thing, I am stylist too and I never used to go this long with my roots. I usually do my color though because I always hate it when other people do my hair. I used to work from home while in school but it's too hard with dd now. I miss it though, I hope to do it again eventually.

JessAnnJ · August 2013

I can understand the training part, but it is pretty rediculous that he also goes out at night. That is essentially spending half of the weekend away doing his own thing. Sorry but you don't just get to do your own thing and leave your wife with the kids all the time.

Have you mentioned doing something while he watches the kids or are you just hoping that he'll offer without you asking? If you haven't asked then you should. He doesn't get first dibs on alone time. Honestly, if he is suggesting that you can only go out if you have a babysitter and I were in your position I would sit down and have a talk with him about how this is a serious marital problem that we need to find a solution for.

PS - I think it's weird that your MIL doesn't want you to have friends.

LittleFish1 · August 2013

JandACoffee said:
Have you checked into mom's groups in your area. I joined one a while back, and while I don't get to do stuff with them much cause most of the events are scheduled during DD"s nap time, it helps once in a while even if I'm not real close to anyone in the group. And its all moms with kids so DD is always welcome and activities are definitely appropriate. I actually went to a playdate this morning 40 minutes late (after DD's nap was over) but it was still nice to hang out for a little while and just talk to other adupts.

The moms in the play group I joine completly understand the lack of exact timing and how much of a challenge it is. There are no side eyes for arriving "late" since all of our kids have varying schedules and other activities ... not to mention how hard it is some days to just get out the door!

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