So we've decided to start discussions in the next few weeks with a child psychologist/behaviorist, to see where the breakdown in DS's thoughts on authority are coming from - like I said I don't want to ignore this until K, I want him to get the help he needs as early as possible.
So as you know, he has been having difficulty in this preschool, well yesterday around 10:30a I get a call from the school, one of DS' teachers calling me to tell me that they need help with DS - that "...he is too uncontrollable." in the background, I hear DS in hysterics, like full blown tears.
I hop in the car and in 14min I arrive at the school, and DS' two teachers come out and explain to me that after DS' lesson activities for the day he was told he could play with the toys, and so he did. However when he was asked to clean up the toys, they told me that he started to hit the children and the teachers. I was in shock, and I expressed how this weekend we have been going over the meaning of authority, and that he knows he shouldn't hit. We also practiced letter writing this weekend - and found that he could sit for 20min on a lesson plan. I was curious how long they have the children sit for the activity, and they said "as long as the child needs," there are 2 lesson plans per hour; some take 10 min and some take 1 hour. Now if the student finishes both within before the time is up, they could play with toys until "Lesson Hour" is done.
They brought DS out to the lobby to see me, and he was happy as a clam, no sign of tears. We were told that we would be expecting a call by the director today or tommorow to discuss DS' future in the school. I am fine with that.
Jump to later that night, about a half hour before bed, I brought up a conversation (also being careful not to prompt a "yes" or "no" or lead a question):
Me: DS, what happened at preschool today? Could you tell Mommy?
DS: A girl spanked me, like this. ::Hit his left forearm with his right hand::
Me: A girl teacher or student?
DS: A teacher.
I took a few minutes to process what was just said...and I asked again.
Me: Can you tell me what made you sad at preschool today?
DS: I wanted to play with toys and they said, "No." and they spanked me like this... ::bent over and spanked his butt::
Me: Do you know who spanked you?
::DS Nods::
Me: Whats her name?
DS: (unsure of name, still says it)
Me: Can you point her out to Mommy tomorrow?
::DS Nods::
This is not the first time that he has mentioned that someone hit him since he has joined the preschool. While we were at Speech last Wednesday, he went up to the receptionist and said:
DS: I have a problem, I have to tell you something.
Recept: What do you have to tell me.
DS: A girl (then said boy) hit me like this... ::Hit his left forearm with his right hand::
Me: DS, you never told me this today, that you got spanked.
DS' Speech Therapist came out, and I told her what was just said - I never went inside with them. At the end of the session she said that he told her that story and had a look of concern on her face. She told me to tell the school to model a conversation, so that he could express what is happening - he has difficulty expressing sometimes - maybe because he is still processing it. Like, if you say, "DS how was your day today?" You will get "Good." However, if you ask him questions he can express situations well. I called the director during the speech session, and expressed what the therapist told me. His response was, "Oh no, I saw what happened - a girl bumped into him on the playground he didn't get hit." I am not sure when the "incident" occured at preschool because he told me this after I picked him up at the end of the day. Yesterday's incident happened while in the classroom. DS also said, "I don't want to go to preschool anymore because it is dangerous."
Now DS hasn't been known to exaggerate stories. He is actually is quite honest, and will say that, "Mommy spanked me today," if he is asked or something to that effect. Now (rarely) spanking will happen in our household, but its a butt spank and its like 1 or 2. In the preschools though, we do not believe in corporal punishment, and in the booklet it says nothing about touching a child (hitting, etc.) as a form of discipline methods.
DH said not to push the conversation with the school, to ignore it. For me, I feel like its ignoring a bigger problem, but maybe tell the director as a concern without making accusations... I don't know.
Re: UPDATED: Concerning Discussion with DS. WWYD?
Truth is it is not your fault. I want to let your DH have it! That is how mad I am!
You should tell your DH, "how is it your fault if you are not there?" It clearly is the teacher's fault for not knowing how to handle your DS!
If your DH does not go with you at all. Go without him.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
With the new baby coming that would give you more of a break, too.
Oh that's a bummer! Maybe you can find a mother's helper to give you a break a couple of times a week.