Neighbor domestic violence

dlbello23 · August 2013

So I'm sitting on my couch watching tv, it's 11pm mind you and I hear a knock on the door. I was like who is it, kind of creeped out home alone my dh works night, that someone would be knocking. I opened the door and it was my neighbors gf, she was crying and all beat up because her bf got drunk they had a fight and he beat the crap out of her. She was asking to charge her phone because she couldn't find her keys because he threw them in the grass and then took off. Keep in mind we just moved here on July first and this is the second time seeing this woman. I was like u want me to call th cops and she was no no no he's drunk and this is the second times he's done that. Then instead of coming in and charging her phone she asks if we can sit in my car because she didn't want to leave her car in case he came back, dumb me says ok. I was freaking out sitting in the car because I was thinking what if he comes back and starts again, my phone was upstairs hers was dead, meanwhile dd is asleep upstairs. She then proceeds to ell me about there fight how he had her pinned to e ground and punching her in the mouth and head! I could hear something going on in my house because I heard all these crashes and what sounded like silverware hitting the floor. I was about to call the police then it stopped. Apparently my neighbor is a drunk and an abuser, I don't want to get in the middle of it but dh is calling the landlord tomorrow and letting him know what's going on, we live in a duplex. The funny thing is we moved from our last house because of constant neighbor fighting, to what we thought would be a nice quiet neighborhood!

rjeller32 · August 2013

I would call the cops. I understand wanting to help the girl, but at the same time you are putting yourself in the middle of something that you don't know how dangerous it actually is. If it happens again, bring her inside, lock the doors and call the cops. If she doesn't want to go inside with you, that's fine, but still call the cops. For her safety, as well as you and your child's.

We had to call the cops on an abuser, and it was saddest thing I ever witnessed, but I was glad to help the girl, even though she didn't want me to. A person in an abusive situation usually is in denial, and will not take legal action. It becomes their norm. About a month after he was called on, her and her daughter became really close friends, and she was thankful.

Sucks, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

perfectlove09 · August 2013

You heard something going on in YOUR house?
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Violence like this makes me sick just thinking about it. Please call the police if this happens again. It's worth it to have her alive and annoyed with you. The alternative could be her dead and you then feeling like you could have done something

jac409 · August 2013

Agreed. Please call the police. When I was first out of law school I did a lot of domestic violence work. It is heartbreaking and frustrating at the same time because the women either don't want to prosecute, or change their minds during some point in the process because they are brainwashed to think they can't live without the guy or that it was their fault they were abused. Even if she won't go forward and testify against him, at least there is a police record in case it is ever needed in the future. She may be mad at first, but someday she will be grateful.

minervacullen · August 2013

I agree with all of the above. My mom and sister have been in abusive relationships. My sister is divorced, she didnt have kids, but he's still trying to control and manipulate her by not paying fees the judge ordered. She has to go back to court tomorrow again...
Anyway my point is she didn't realize how bad it was until several months after the divorce. Women in that situation don't know, or deny, how bad it is. Drunk or not abuse is abuse. Please call 911 next time.

dlbello23 · August 2013

Yea if I hear anything again I am picking up the phone and calling, I don't care if they get mad. It was crazy, my DH said the same thing, I've never had to deal with something like that so I guess that's why I didn't call and she was like no don't call. Also found out the police were here the night before I didnt know that til this am because of their fighting.

kescalera · August 2013

Completely agree with PPs - call the cops. She may not want them involved but when he hurts her badly enough or, heaven forbid, kills her, she'll really wish someone were there to step in. I can tell you 200% being drunk is no excuse for that behavior. If they'll do it drunk they'll do it sober with the right trigger.

Call the cops & report it. If she doesn't want to pursue it there's nothing you can do except keep calling at the FIRST sound/sign its happening again.

kerbear135 · August 2013

I vote you become one of "those" neighbors..every time it sounds like they're even starting to fight, call the police. Maybe if the police show up, they'll catch him in the act, or at least prevent it from going as far as it did last night. If not, and something awful happens to her, you'll at least know you did all you could to help her, even if she didn't want to help herself.

mydixiewrecked · August 2013

Every single thing PP said. The next time could be much worse.

mama2many · August 2013

Call the police, tell the landlord. We've had a lot of goings on next door to us. I called the police for about the bazillionth time last Oct & the DH is still in jail. The wife was nearly killed that time - he had hit her in the head with a brick. It never gets better.

robyn2201 · August 2013

rjeller32 said:

I would call the cops. I understand wanting to help the girl, but at the same time you are putting yourself in the middle of something that you don't know how dangerous it actually is. If it happens again, bring her inside, lock the doors and call the cops. If she doesn't want to go inside with you, that's fine, but still call the cops. For her safety, as well as you and your child's.

This!

You don't know how he would react if he found you helping her out. You put yourself in danger last night by going out to the car. Call the cops next time!

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dlbello23 · August 2013

We already spoke to the landlord and he is speaking to this guy so we will see what happens. If it happens again like I said I'm just picking up the phone and calling the cops.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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jo4janet · August 2013

JandACoffee said:

dlbello23 said:

We already spoke to the landlord and he is speaking to this guy so we will see what happens. If it happens again like I said I'm just picking up the phone and calling the cops.

By the way, its completely natural to want to help, and I think anyone in your position that hasn't had to deal with that before would have likely done just like you did. You weren't "dumb" as you said. You just wanted to help her and the seriousness of it really doesn't set in until later. I've been in all sorts of crazy situations and done things I look back on later that I think "why on earth did I do that?" Fortunately for most of us, its not normal to have to think about all the what-ifs and real physical protection situations. Hopefully you don't have to for much longer!

This is so true, but definitely don't get yourself involved any further because then you get sucked into their situation and you have to protect yourself and your baby!

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