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Important events & Ex SM?

GwenillianGwenillian member
in Blended Families

So the situation between my Ex H & his latest ex wife (the kids' now ex SM) has gotten more.... sticky & I am hoping to get advice regarding whether it is a good idea to keep her aware of the kids' achievements, etc...

Ex told the kids all this stuff about her so now they are ticked off at her & won't necessarily tell her anything. However she was their SM for 12 years so there is obviously a relationship there & I think they will get over it & want to be around her again. I guess my question is do I forward things like pictures, etc over or just let it lie? Oldest DS had a graduation ceremony (from eighth grade) & I just received a dvd of it. I'm going to upload a copy to my pc & forward it to their dad... do I bother sending it to the ex SM? Or would that be weird. We did not have a real good relationship before - I liked her fine, she hated me.

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Re: Important events & Ex SM?

  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    I usually think that if a step-parent and bio parent get divorced, then any relationship between the kids and step-parent is severed too. I think it's between her and your ex as to if she will be kept up to date on the kids' stuff. And also if the kids even want to keep in tough with her. I'd especially stay out of it if you guys didn't have a good relationship while they were together.
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  • twitchy4twitchy4

     I'd especially stay out of it if you guys didn't have a good relationship while they were together.

    I agree with this!

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  • twister22twister22 member
    kaholland4 said:
    I usually think that if a step-parent and bio parent get divorced, then any relationship between the kids and step-parent is severed too. I think it's between her and your ex as to if she will be kept up to date on the kids' stuff. And also if the kids even want to keep in tough with her. I'd especially stay out of it if you guys didn't have a good relationship while they were together.
    I agree with this. XSM had a relationship with your kids because of XH. If XH wants to encourage that relationship to continue, that's on him. If XH wants XSM to see the pictures, he'll forward them himself.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    If you like her then be proactive but since you did not have a good relationship I would not. If they had a kid that is your kids sibling I would reach out and ask her to continue a relationship. And if the kids want to reach out to her then decide if you want to see if she is interested in continuing a relationship. If they have no kids and she hates you she probably cannot wait to get away.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I agree with @Littlejen22. I am a SM and have been in my SS's life for 6 years, over half his life. If we got divorced I would still want to know how he was doing, especially since he is DS's brother, but also because I love and cared for him for a long time as well.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • GwenillianGwenillian member

    They did have two more children. Up until about 3 wks ago, EH was encouraging a relationship - he had them visit her overnight even. She would call here for them & that was fine. It was a rather unexpected thing for him to tell them all the ins & outs of what happened with their relationship - which then made the kids mad at her. That is why it's confusing.

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would not send her pics and updates without her asking but I would reach out to her and tell her you do not know what is going on with her and ex but that you want to do your best to ensure the kids keep in contact because they are siblings
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I would not engage her at all if that were my experience with her.   I would not want to involve myself in that mess - it sounds like you'd be walking into some drama that you may not need.

    But if you do contact her - God Bless You if you can do it with out it sucking you in or the life out of you.

    This of course is coming from someone who had a pretty big drama filled ex step family.  So take my advice for what it's worth. I'm a tad jade. 

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • mamastichmamastich member
    SP chiming in - my dad was married twice after my mom, the first SM we were not close with and when they split no one noticed and they were married for 10 years
    Now his current wife has been his wife for about 8 years and if they split or he passed (he has cancer) I would absolutely keep in close contact with her. I do think this should be up to your children what if you keep this up for 5 years and they still never have any interest in her? She could also reach out to them. But don't put yourself in that position.
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  • SueBearSueBear member

    I send photos of my kids to their "aunt" - BILs exwife.  I love her to pieces (as do my kids) even though she and BIL split.  However, we were always close.  Not best friends, but close as far as SILs go.  We both realized that DH/BILs family was nuts.  I guess we bonded over that.

    If you did not get along with your children's ex-stepmom - because of HER choice - I would let her contact you to ask for that information.  After all, if your dd graduated from 8th grade, she is old enough to send photos via email or text.  If you want the siblings to see the DVD, etc. - your exH can handle that. 

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  • GwenillianGwenillian member

    Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the advice. The situation is pretty new & I just wanted to make sure I do the right thing.

    I will leave it to her, ExH & the kids on how to proceed from here.

     

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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    I would ask your children. They are old enough to have an opinion, and if they want to maintain a relationship, you would be a neutral party who could help them do so ven if ex and his ex are feuding.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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