Staying home after baby?

carriensurg · July 2013

So I want to stay home after we have our little girl and my job needs to know ASAP so they can plan an I can train someone new. My husband says its up to me and he will do whatever it takes if that is what I decide to do but he just started a new job and yes hos income is more then enough but I am not sure yet. I want to tell them I am not coming back so we can make sure I have time to train someone (I manage a daycare) but what if i do decide i want to come back? Any suggestion on what to do? I am so torn right now.

Chargersgrl33 · July 2013

This is a very personal decision and what is right for one family is not right for another. I on one hand missed work and wasn't loving being a SHAM. That doesn't mean I didn't love my LO, I just knew that daycare was the best for our situation. He gets so much more out of daycare than I could give him, and I say that after I spent 9 months home with him just recently.

babymama619 · July 2013

jennabee1015 said:
I'm taking my 12 weeks of maternity leave and playing it by ear. I figure the company will already be used to me being gone for 3 months, if I decide to return, great. If not, at least they know how to survive without me.

This is what is do. Although some people think it's not noble or whatever to do it this way. I feel like your loyalties and responsibility is to your family, not some company. I say tell them "as of right now I plan on coming back" after 6 or 8 weeks, let them know if you're not.

You should also consider if you'll need to pay back any benefits you receive furring mat leave if you do it this way.

cagoldi · July 2013

Personally, I am not willing to quit before LO arrives. I have never cared for an infant full time before and I have no clue if I will love it or if it drives me crazy. Maybe I'll like balancing work and family. I really don't have any clue how it will all work until I'm in the thick of it. We're considering mat leave as our trial run and DH is fine with whatever decision I make, although he would prefer if I did SAH.

I am absolutely going back to work for some period of time. I want to see what it's like to be a SAHM and a working mom. I would not quit while on leave.I just think it's bad form and I don't like to burn bridges. My manager has been good to me and I feel like I owe her more than that. If nothing else, I would come back and give it a few months, and if it isn't working out then I would let my manager know I will be leaving but I am willing to interview and train my replacement (I'm the lead on my team so I'd have to get the new hire up and running regardless).

Just a couple things to consider, I understand that many companies require you to pay back any benefits you received while on leave (STD, if there were any company paid premiums, etc.) if you don't return for a specified amount of time (30 days maybe?). That's probably something you would want to discuss with HR. Also, heaven forbid LO had some health issues. Maybe you want to stay home to care for them full time, but what if you were facing some serious ongoing medical expenses? In that case you may want to consider both you and your DH covering the baby on your insurance if that's an option.

Kfran84 · July 2013

jennabee1015 said:
I'm taking my 12 weeks of maternity leave and playing it by ear. I figure the company will already be used to me being gone for 3 months, if I decide to return, great. If not, at least they know how to survive without me.

Ack! No! I have had two coworkers do this and it was the worst. We cover their work for 3 months, can't post for their job or hire anyone until they finally confirm at the end of the leave that they aren't coming back. Then it's another 2 months before we even hire someone and train them.

I know that family is the most important, but what a nasty and unprofessional thing to do. It makes all pregnant and working moms look bad bc the next time someone's pregnant everyone is still scarred from the previous 5-6 months of hell.

Kfran84 · July 2013

I'll also chime in to say get very good life insurance on your husband if you decide to SAH. Like, $1-$2 million term life.

carriensurg · August 2013

Thank you all for your thoughts! Hubby's job is pretty secure due to the fact that they searched him out and he wasn't even looking to change companies! I do believe I am going to tell my boss that I plan to stay home but would like to work just a couple days a week part time!

honeybee946 · August 2013

That's my situation. My coworker went on maternity leave, came back and announced she could work part time, then announced she was resigning two months later. Right when she came back, I announced I was pregnant. Now the whole department thinks I'll leave them in the lurch too. We still haven't hired her replacement, and we're not sure who can even train a replacement when we hire one. I think the department is wary of hiring women now.

JennOH85 · August 2013

jennabee1015 said:

babymama619 said:

jennabee1015 said:
I'm taking my 12 weeks of maternity leave and playing it by ear. I figure the company will already be used to me being gone for 3 months, if I decide to return, great. If not, at least they know how to survive without me.
This is what is do. Although some people think it's not noble or whatever to do it this way. I feel like your loyalties and responsibility is to your family, not some company. I say tell them "as of right now I plan on coming back" after 6 or 8 weeks, let them know if you're not.

You should also consider if you'll need to pay back any benefits you receive furring mat leave if you do it this way.

I work in HR and we have 200 employees. People are naïve if they think that the company won't already suspect that you might leave after your baby is born. It's great when people return but not expected. Also, I wouldn't pretend that I was coming back and then the day of say that I changed my mind. If I do decide to stay home, I will give them ample notice (probably a month or at least 2 weeks). It's the same amount of notice that they would receive if I was starting a new job at another company.

I agree with a lot of this. Leave yourself options, but give fair notice if you decide not to come back. Everyone's work situation is different, but you don't want to screw yourself over just to avoid inconveniencing them. People quit jobs and people get hired for jobs, that's just how things work.

jagged1 · August 2013

Are you able to take 3-6 mths unpaid? Than make your decision? I also managed a child care centre and that's what I did.

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