Breast Feeding Guilt

alyssa&cody · July 2013

I have struggled with extremely low milk supply since my daughter was born, but giving her breast milk has always been very important to me. We started out with her having a very shallow latch because of a "tongue-tie" , so I began pumping more than nursing. Then we discovered that she has a milk protein allergy, so she had to be placed on hypoallergenic formula (that is outrageously expensive), and I had to start a lactose-free diet. I continued to pump 6-8 times a day, and my milk has dwindled all the way down to about 2 oz a day. I drink a ton of water, I have tried Fenugreek, Calcium & Magnesium tablets, oatmeal, pumping at random to demand more milk, and any other old wives tale. It just seems like so much trouble for so little reward. I have considered just to stop pumping and give her formula all the time, but I have EXTREME guilt over not being able to produce enough milk, and giving up on pumping just because it inconveniences me. Any advice from other moms that suffer from low supply?

ebp913 · July 2013

Have you tried Domperidone? If you aren't willing to give up yet I would look into that.

emd886 · July 2013

Try meeting with a lactation consultant, they are super helpful!

jbatch · July 2013

I think there comes a time that pumping is more harm than help. If this is causing more stress and taking time away from the baby I am not sure that I think it is worth it. I don't think you should feel guilty for doing what is best for you and your baby! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

kellyrn9956 · July 2013

I hated pumping. With a passion. It took so much time away from my son. So I stopped two months ago. I still have guilty days, but overall formula feeding worked best for us.

Kearney1022 · July 2013

Try not to put the added stress of guilt on yourself. It sounds like you've given a lot of different remedies a try and if it's not working, it's not working.

I decided to pump exclusively and around the 2 month mark I got really sick and my supply completely tanked. I decided to take Fenugreek but it took about a week to get my supply back up, then I kept taking it for at least another week to be sure it stayed. I don't know how long you tried taking it or the dosage (I did 3 pills 3x/day). Also, really try to relax when pumping (or BFing)...I find that when I'm stressing out over stuff, my supply dips.

No matter what happens, the best and most important thing you can do is to love your baby and spend time with her - stress and guilt free :-) Good luck!

PhieryBFly · July 2013

I have the opposite problem of too much milk so I am donating to babies in need through the local "Human Milk 4 Babies" facebook page. You could check something like that for your area to see if there's milk available to help your DD.

kgs0505 · July 2013

i know how you feel. i had to make that decision too. i gave my girls as much bm as i could produce for 10 weeks and i had to stop. i wasn't producing enough for even one whole bottle anymore. although i initially felt guilty about it, i know there is nothing wrong with formula. my son was adopted and he got no bm at all and he's perfectly fine for it. i knew my girls would be too. after the guilt wore off, it was freeing to be away from the pump.

but if you want ot keep trying, i'd move onto prescription meds. give your ob a call. also the fenugreek, you need to take at least 3200mg. it's a lot, and more than the bottle usually states.

JSS1002 · August 2013

Google "Fearless formula feeders," it is a website that has a ton of women's stories about letting go of the guilt and choosing what is best for their family. If you do choose to go the formula route, that is 10000000000% okay, and do not let ANYBODY make you feel badly about it. The important thing is that your baby gets fed... the bottom line is that we live in the United States with clean water and reliable refrigeration and a lot of the World Health Organization guidelines are meant for people in third world countries. Your baby loves you and you love your baby and you're both gonna be just fine.

I had to have this same conversation with myself when I decided to switch to formula: I had an ample supply and baby had a strong latch, but I was MARRIED ot my breast pump due to a wrist injury that made nursing nearly impossible. I realized I was sacrificing snuggle time and loving on my baby for 20 minutes and an extra ounce, and it was just so very silly. He's 4 months and thriving, and we are ALL happier with him on formula.

Best of luck with your decision.

24ladybug · August 2013

Meet with a LC. But good luck and like pp said you need to choose what works for your family. As long as baby is fed happy and healthy that's what is important. Plus you need to be happy.

alijanepot · August 2013

I went through something similar. Because of my c-section my milk didn't come in right away and after that few days, it still never really did. I tried everything!! I was pumping every 2-3 hours for 20 minutes to get an ounce. So at the end of the day I'd only have 1 bottle for my LO. My sister-in-law told me why spend all that time for 1 bottle when you could be hanging out with LO. Great point!! I may not have been able to bond with him like a breastfeeding mom, but I tried my best, and now I am thankful for the extra time I get to spend with LO not pumping. I felt guilty at first too, but being able to spend more time with LO made it all go away. Don't be so hard on yourself, sounds like you did everything you could and YOU ARE a GREAT MOM!!

JTGochnour · August 2013

I have almost exactly the same story!! Reading everyone's comments really helped! I deal with the same guilt on a daily basis. You are a great mom and you are doing what is best for your LO!

spring_time · August 2013

My advice is to let go of the guilt. The same thing happened with my DS. It even led to him being labeled failure to thrive. I shed a lot of tears and beat up on myself. It was heartbreaking. Three years later he is a happy, healthy, and smart three year old. He rarely gets sick, has had one ear infection, and shows no signs of being overweight (all reasons why bf is so highly promoted). I am now nursing DD and she is doing a much better job. However, if she starts showing any of the signs of weight loss, I am determined to move on without guilt. It is easier said than done. Good luck!

alyssa&cody · August 2013

Thank you all for the encouragement! I stopped pumping 4 days ago, and am still struggling, but my daughter is doing great and the extra time with her has been wonderful! To answer some of your suggestions, I was put in Reglan, which is similar to Domperidone, and stayed on the phone with lactation consultants on a weekly basis. They were just as puzzled as I was. I looked into human milk banks, but I had to be on such a strict diet because of her digestive issues that getting milk from someone else may have done more harm than good. I also have PCOS, and had read that supply can be an issue, so I can't say I wasn't warned.

I have come to the conclusion that I have literally done EVERYTHING possible, and have seen no improvement, so my pump will be returned to the hospital today, and I will spend my extra time cuddling with my sweet girl! Thank you all for the advice!

honeydew01 · August 2013

I am totally in the same boat as you. My DD has not been feeding well and when I pump I don't get much. I've tried every herb and remedy including being put in Reglan and nothing has improved my supply. I feel pretty sad but in my heard I know that I have done everything I could possibly do to help my supply increase and it's just not working out. In all honesty, I wish there were more reassuring articles that indicated that this is normal. Everything I find says "there are rare cases where supply is actually low.." so I feel like the outlier..

tbur · August 2013

Have you tried pumping while bfing? When I first started pumping, I could only get .5-1oz with a manual pump (which I hated!). A lc told me to try both at the same time, and I started getting 1-3 oz bottles! When I pumping at work though, it was more of the tiny almost nothing bottles. Then I started having a cup of mothers milk tea in the morning, and I was able to pump 2-3 hours afterward (on my break), and get 2-3 oz. Still not amazing, but better than before. Wish you luck!!

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